I was reincarnated as Bella Swan...Wait, I'm in Twilight?! - Sippingseagulls (2024)

Chapter 1: This Isn't Me

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I tried at first not to notice. Ignorance is bliss as they say. However, the more I avoided it, the more it built up causing a sensation that crept from my stomach, into my chest, and seized my heart. It felt as though every day was spent on the verge of a panic attack–one stray thought or memory threatening to tip the unstable balance I had fallen into. So I ignored the things that made me uncomfortable–the reminders that something was wrong.

I was at a loss as to how I could change anything, so thinking about it just made me feel helpless and caused more stress. Stress that led to panic, panic that led to sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow every night.

I sat at lunch, other teens milling about as they collected their food and searched for their friends among the crowd. Every time a tray dropped against a table, I flinched. It was another jarring reminder that I shouldn’t be here. Never did I think I’d be here–in high school–AGAIN!

….

It’d been an entire month. Things still felt strange and foreign. I thought I’d just…adapt? But maybe that was wishful thinking. I often stared at nothing as I attempted to convince myself that I was crazy because the truth…I couldn’t handle the truth.

Classes were the same as I remembered. I hadn’t missed going to school. I was happy to have graduated after obtaining my bachelor’s degree swearing I’d never take another test again.

I only half paid attention to the lectures. Some things I remembered others I had never bothered to commit to memory in the first place so it was almost as if learning it for the first time. But I didn’t bother to put in much effort–what for? I had done this all before and the mere thought of giving it the level of effort and time I had in the past was exhausting.

I wasn’t sure why people bothered to talk to me. I wasn’t exactly engaging company. Being exhausted from crying all the time and attempting to wear a countenance as close to normality as I could attain, took all of my energy. There was no place in my head to make room for friends or for relationships. I was still trying, albeit not so successfully, to appear okay. I couldn’t do more than that. If anyone expected more they’d be sorely disappointed.

But my absent minded head nods and hums in the right gaps of conversation had been interpreted as interest and casual friendship. So, I wasn’t plagued to sit alone at lunch. Despite my crumbling mental state, there was something comforting in not being totally alone. While the people that idly chattered at my table now were hardly friends, it was company I grown accustomed to.

On days where I was “better”–the days I could pretend this was my life and nothing was wrong–I’d occasionally engage in conversation with my classmates. I’d learn a little bit more about them, but I could never be close to them–not the way they probably wanted, as true friends might be. When they asked questions about me, I would deflect or change the conversation–provide vague answers that would satisfy their idle curiosity.

No one here could really know me after all. How could I explain that the person that sat before them wasn’t really who I was? That the person they had been introduced to was as much a stranger to them as she was to me. A person from a different time with a different name and a different face–a face I didn’t recognize when I looked into a mirror.

No one would believe me if I told them. I honestly was starting to doubt myself. But I knew I didn’t want to spend my years locked in a padded room. I already felt so alone.

I missed my family. Siblings that were also my best friends. Nieces and nephews I cherished and doted on. Parents that always had my back and loved me unconditionally.

Memories of my time with them were the only thing that kept me sane. I often wondered how they were doing without me, and hoped that their grief didn’t last too long. I wish I could have lived life side by side with them a little longer.

Even on days when I was doing worse and would convince myself that I was crazy–the family I had, even if they were a mere fiction of my mind, still made me smile.

….

That night I had cried for a few hours before starting my nightly contemplation. Homework left abandoned in my backpack since I literally had more pressing concerns than completing high school…for a second time.

That night I was sure of who I used to be. I remembered my old life, my family, my house, my dog, and my job. I had years of memories stuffed inside my head of a world that was not like this one–at least not yet. As I looked across the room to the calendar on the wall, I confirmed again that the date was more than 20 years earlier than I remembered.

So not only had I somehow traveled in the past but was trapped in the body of a completely different person. I reached my arms in front of me looking at the freckles and moles that hadn’t been there before–small scars from accidents I didn’t remember. My hands brushed over my face. Eyes, nose, and mouth that belonged to someone else. This wasn’t me.

This person whose body I was now inhabiting had a life though…before I intruded on it. Photographs depicting years of experiences I never had, people I didn’t know, family that wasn’t mine.

I still startled whenever I caught my reflection in the mirror–constantly affronted by the face of a stranger. If I didn’t look at myself it was easier to pretend I was who I used to be.

I wasn’t one to believe in reincarnation. I believed in an afterlife upon death but never something like this. I still could hardly wrap my head around it most days. Because the craziest thing about all of this was that I found myself reincarnated into a book. A series I had read a few times in my old life and watched the movie adaptations–a story I now found myself the main character of.

I was Bella Swan and I was in Twilight.

Chapter 2: Bad First Day

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I hadn’t realized I was in Twilight at first. I was confused and disoriented. I had convinced myself I was in a dream in the beginning. But day after day went by and I never woke up–at least, not from this reality.

So, I became too preoccupied second guessing my own sanity to connect the dots and realize where and who I was.

Rene was concerned almost immediately after my first day of waking up as Bella Swan. After two weeks, she was asking if I should see a doctor. After a month? I was seeing specialists regularly.

Upon realizing I didn’t have most of the memories Bella should have, I was checked for head trauma or some kind of brain injury, but every test came back normal. Doctors were stumped and often concluded that it was most likely temporary and due to stress/trauma I couldn’t remember. That’s when Rene had decided that a year in Forks with her ex-husband, Bella’s father, would do me some good.

Rene was crying into my shoulder, clutching me closely as she wished me a safe flight. Her eyes were red and dark circles shadowed her face. My appearance in Rene’s life had definitely taken a toll on her. I felt guilty, putting her through this; although, I wasn’t sure there was anything I could really do to make it right.

I didn’t want Rene to find out. I had tried to be as Bella as I could and be the daughter she thought I was. But my lack of knowledge of the most basic things could only be ignored for so long before raising red flags. It started with a phone number or address—things that could be dismissed without much fanfare, but after realizing I didn’t know the school I went to or any of my friends’ and relatives’ names, my life became a revolving door of doctor offices and specialists. She broke down when I admitted that I didn’t have any memories from the last seventeen years this body had been alive, including her and Charlie.

She was barely holding on. Honestly, leaving Phoenix would probably do her more good than it would me. Trying to make things “go back to normal” only made her more upset. I'm not sure which of us cried more during our brief time together—Rene, who believed her daughter had completely forgotten her or me, ripped from a life I had loved to be forced into living as someone else.

I overheard her conversation with Charlie when the decision was first made that I would be living with him.

“I can’t do it anymore Charlie—I just can’t!” Her voice broke as she stifled another sob. “She’s not my Bella anymore. I look at her and I just can’t see her anymore…”

“That’s not fair, Rene.” Charlie’s gruff voice came through the receiver. “That’s still Bella. She’s just…a little different right now. She’s sick. But she’ll get better. You’ll see.”

Within the week, I was enrolled at Forks High School and living with Charlie. Things were awkward, but at least I didn’t have to pretend. He acknowledged that I couldn’t remember him but unlike Rene, didn’t make me feel bad about not knowing. Doctors said trying to force me to remember would only make things worse anyways. My memories had to come back naturally.

When I asked questions about things Bella should already know, Charlie would take only a second pause before answering me. Honestly, he was trying his best and while he wasn’t my real father, I couldn’t help but appreciate his efforts.

Without the pretense of pretending to be Bella, I was able to relax around Charlie and even enjoyed our time together. Being the Police Chief, he was often gone at work, but when he got home at night, we would watch TV and chat about him, his interests, his job, and his friends. It was easier that way as I didn’t—couldn’t talk about me. Not truthfully anyways. And Charlie didn’t seem to mind either. We spent an entire week like that, getting reacquainted with one another before I was expected to go back to school.

He was still incredibly concerned. He didn’t bring up my memory loss but I often saw him looking at me sadly when he thought I didn’t notice. He also would check in on me at night, opening the door just a crack. He was used to me crying by now, but I know it concerned him.

“If you want to talk about anything, Bells, I’m here,” he said one night as I finally got control of my breathing.

“Thank you,” I whispered, pulling the covers tighter around me.

….

Honesty, things didn’t really click together until my first day of school at Forks.

It was much smaller than Bella’s school in Phoenix, but I preferred that. It was closer to what I was used to in my last life. But what I really was looking forward to was the fact that no one here knew Bella. I didn’t have to pretend around them, and I wouldn’t have to worry about the concerned glances when I answered something incorrectly—or at least in a way Bella wouldn’t have. I had my fill of that when I briefly attended Bella’s last school.

So as I parked the old red truck Charlie had given me in the school parking lot, I found I wasn’t dreading it quite as much as I had thought. Although, repeating high school seemed to be another kind of cruel punishment on its own.

The school was aware of my medical “issues” and my teachers were going to work with me on filling in any gap in my knowledge to try and get me up to speed. I was to take some assessments during my first week so they could get a feel for my current level.

I didn’t try to fit in or go out of my way to make friends. My state of mind was fragile enough as it was without having to navigate how others perceived me or live up to any expectations. But being the new girl at Forks had people gravitating to me regardless.

Everyone already seemed to know me as Isabella here—small-town gossip travels fast. I shocked myself when I corrected the girl who introduced herself to me as Jessica Stanley in my first class.

“Just call me Izzy,” I said suddenly.

I hadn’t thought about having people call me a different name. I couldn’t do that to Charlie or Rene. But here at school, I decided it would be nice to be someone other than Bella for a change. Choosing to go by my old name would just confuse everyone, so I figured Izzy was different enough but also close enough that no one would make too much of a fuss.

Jess took a moment to think about it and then smiled. “Izzy, I like it!”

Jessica was easy to be around simply because she loved to talk. School gossip, her likes, and interests, or the boys she was interested in at school. I noted an intended emphasis on names like Mike and Edward as Jessica was making sure I knew she already had her eyes on them. Rarely did she ever ask about me, which I preferred. It was painful to remember the past.

I had joined mid-semester so Jessica was taking it upon herself to show me around and explain the hierarchy of the school's social system. I couldn’t help but think that the gesture was twofold as she quickly steered me away from every guy who smiled at me. I didn’t mind. I wasn’t exactly fond of the attention anyways. Various shrinks had spent countless hours trying to get me to talk and “open up”. I’d much rather fly under the radar if possible. After all, I couldn’t let anyone get too close to me.

If I became comfortable around others and let my guard slip, they might be able to see past the charade and realize something was wrong. Because I was constantly on edge, I found myself panicking whenever anyone started a conversation. Keeping up with what I used to know and the things I should know was exhausting. Most of my knowledge came from 20 years from now. The kids at Forks would probably describe me as “retro” since I would only ever reference things I knew were released before the 2000s.

By lunch, I had met everyone that was a part of Jessica’s group. Angela was quiet, sweet, and a bit bookish. She worked on assignments that weren’t even due yet during lunch. Mike was sporty and kind of a goof, relishing when he made others laugh. I had been trying to avoid him since Jessica had made her claim known in order to avoid any unnecessary drama. But he made it hard, trying to tag along on my walks between classes and offering to help me catch up with assignments.

Eric talked his mind and was just as much a gossip as Jessica. He didn’t veil his words with pleasantries though as she might. If he had an opinion you would get the full, uncensored version of his thoughts. Lauren had seemed quiet at first, but I soon realized she was just calculated—waiting for parts in the conversation where she could make herself look good. Tyler was the adventurous, trouble-making sort that liked to ride the line of school rules.

It was an interesting group of people, but in school, especially one as small as this one, you couldn’t be picky. I remembered my old school in my past life and the misfits that had been a part of my group. I smiled but didn’t linger on them too much. We had all fallen out of touch once we graduated, after all. But I remembered the close bond we had, albeit out of necessity. Being with them has been simple and easy. We didn’t have to like the same thing or have the same views. We just hung out and talked and laughed without care. This group seemed to be that way too.

I doubt I could ever feel that way with these people though. Not that I couldn’t be close to them if I took the time to try, but that I was just in a different headspace than them. Having experienced all this before, going on to college, and then into the workforce, I couldn’t help but find high school to be a very trivial, inconsequential time in my life. To these kids, these days were the most important in their lives—hanging on every word of their peers, desperate for acceptance and validation.

I didn’t need that. I knew that the person I was going to become didn’t hang on to the opinions of a couple of kids that lived in the same town as me.

I was listening to the talk at the table with polite interest, redirecting the conversation if anyone asked anything too personal. I was mid-bite of my sandwich when Jessica shook my shoulder.

“Izzy, do you see that group over there,” she said in an excited whisper that wasn’t meant to shield her words from those sitting around us but to emphasize the importance of the information she was about to impart to me.

I looked up, chewing slowly as my eyes scanned the lunchroom to see who she was talking about. My eyes jumped from a group playing Magic the Gathering to another where someone was drawing fake tattoos in sharpie on other kids' arms.

“There’s a lot of people here, Jess,” I said after a moment, not quite sure who she was talking about.

Jess rolled her eyes. “Like you haven’t noticed them yet. Over there! In the corner.” Her voice dropped even lower but her eyes sparkled with excitement, “The Cullens!”

“Technically, Jasper and Rosalie are Hales,” Lauren corrected to which Jess huffed reproachfully.

As she said the names, my eyes fell to a table of five—pale skin, intense golden eyes, and unimaginatively beautiful. A small gasp escaped my lips which encouraged Jess to continue, but she didn’t register the panic in my eyes. “They all live together—foster kids of the local doctor. But they are together too! Like together, together…”

Oh sh*t.

Jess’s voice was drowned out by the beating of my pulse in my own ears. My body locked up as the realization hit me. One look at the Cullens and it suddenly became so painfully obvious I wasn’t sure how I didn’t pick up on it sooner.

This can’t be happening. My skull was pounding and my breathing began to hitch. There’s no way.

It took me a moment to register that everyone at the table was staring at me. Jess’s eyes were scrunched in concern. Angela had a hand on my shoulder.

“Iz, you okay?”

I jolted suddenly, stumbling out of my chair. It clambered to the ground drawing the attention of others in the lunchroom. My eyes locked with who I instantly knew was Edward Cullen. His eyes narrowed at me, confused.

No, no, no, no.

I started backing away. “I-I have to go!” I stammered out quickly collecting my bag from the floor.

“Class starts in five minutes. Where are you going?” Jess said, confused.

Mike rose to his feet. “Izzy, you need me to take you to the nurse's office?”

I shook my head, hands quivering around my white-knuckled grip on my bag. “I…this can’t…!” I stutter out. “I-I can’t be here.”

With that, leaving a sea of confused faces, I bolted out of the lunchroom. I didn’t stop running until I slammed into the side of my truck, fumbling with my keys and cursing as I dropped them more than once. It wasn’t until I had been driving for a few minutes that I had to pull over. I was having a panic attack and could barely keep in my lane with how much I was shaking.

Safely out of the way of any other car, I continued to unravel.

“I’m in Twilight,” I felt the need to say those words out loud lest my mind close in on itself to erase the truth.

How? How could I be in a story? None of this was real…right? I picked my knees up and rested them against the steering wheel, clutching my legs to my chest. My breathing had been getting more erratic. I tried to slowly take in my next breath realizing passing out by the side of the road was the best way for Charlie to Baker Act me after hearing about my episode at school.

Charlie. I laughed out loud, sounding a bit hysterical. Rene. Forks, BELLA. How could I have not seen it sooner?!

I choked on a sob. I needed to get home. I needed to think. I was sure now that I was crazy. Maybe they should lock me up…

….

Charlie knocked softly on my door.

“Bells?” He said softly, seeing whether or not I was asleep.

I didn’t respond. I was numb. My eyes were swollen from tears and my throat was hoarse from either crying or screaming. I couldn’t remember which.

“I got a call from the school today,” he started. I could tell he was doing his best to talk to me calmly. I knew he was concerned. He had every right to be.

“They say you skipped class. That you had something of a panic attack at school.”

When I didn’t offer any more information he continued. “Bella, if it’s too much right now, we can figure something else out. Maybe home school.”

He cleared his throat. “I know you don’t like talking about it but you gotta let me in.” He felt awkward having to push this but knew it was necessary.

“We don’t have to pretend that everything is okay but we can’t keep ignoring it either. Something’s wrong and I want to help…”

“I just need rest,” I said.

Charlie lingered in the doorway for a few more moments. “We’ll talk in the morning,” he said finally. Before shutting the door he added, “I love you, Bells.”

Once I heard him retreat down the steps, I sat up in bed clutching a pillow to my chest. Everything felt too real for this to be a dream. But there’s no way that I could be living in a book. I didn’t know what to think. I’d been lying in bed for hours unable to make sense of my situation.

I was living Bella’s life. I vaguely remembered the major plot points of the story, but there were a lot of things I had forgotten. Namely, the when things were supposed to happen which would make preparing for anything almost impossible.

Although, I did remember what should have happened today. On my first day of school, I would have gone to biology where I would have sat next to Edward Cullen. That is when he would have realized that my blood was more potent to him than any other human he’d encountered before—to the point that he’d strategize the best way to kill the classroom full of children in order to sink his teeth into me. I shuddered involuntarily. He wouldn’t have done it…but still.

My presence here has definitely altered things. Namely my relationship with Bella’s parents. However, I still found my way to Forks regardless.

What would happen now that I missed such a critical plot point? Would our fateful encounter in Biology still find a way to happen regardless? Was I no longer guaranteed to survive the encounter now that I was off-script? What happened if we happened to meet somewhere more secluded first? Would he not be able to reign in his restraint and kill me without anyone to witness his crime? What if things wouldn’t happen like in the books?

Alternatively, I might just be crazy. I could just be Bella and some kind of trauma made me forget. I could have made the events of Twilight up…What if the Cullens weren’t really vampires and just a group of normal teens?

I pursed my lips as I thought about it. They did definitely stick out but maybe they were all from a foreign country or something? I somehow doubted it but I couldn’t be sure, could I?

Or this could all be a dream…a very deep dream.

I laid back down and stared at the ceiling. I could always test out my theory. Not that it wouldn’t come with certain…risks. I felt a cold chill shoot through my body.

My eyes began to droop. I was exhausted. I decided I wouldn’t make any decisions until I had time to sleep on it.

Chapter 3: Changing Fate

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I sat in my truck staring out at the parking lot of Forks High School. I was there a little early. Only a few other cars were parked in the lot. Charlie had enforced that talk he mentioned the night before. It was awkward, to say the least. I told him that I had just gotten overwhelmed and that it wouldn’t happen again. He seemed to doubt that, but he also didn’t like the idea of me being cooped up alone all day either at the house. He allowed me to go to school today under the condition that I would call him or go to the nurse if I were going to have another panic attack.

So I decided to get to school early to figure out exactly what I wanted to do. I feared if I did as Charlie had offered last night and was homeschooled—I’d risk bumping into Edward in a scenario that didn’t involve enough witnesses to test his self-control. I had to force the first meeting in a public space and hope that he’d be able to resist as he had in the story.

However, I also considered that if this was a dream or if I were in a coma of sorts, then maybe dying was the answer I needed to wake up. But I was honestly too scared to try. Every time I considered it or thought of forcing a scenario where Edward would be likely to kill me, I couldn’t imagine going through with it. What if I was wrong? I didn’t actually want to die after all. What if nothing waited for me at the end of this? Wasn’t this life better than…nothing?

I also realized I’d feel guilty if I used Edward to end my life. He’d be wracked with guilt, and while his family would forgive him, it would take him much longer to forgive himself, if ever. I wouldn’t do that to them.

More kids began to show up as it got closer to the start of the school day. My eyes followed the silver Volvo as it pulled up to school. I was slightly amused seeing them pile out of the car. Emmet was so large it made the vehicle look like a clown car. They were rich enough that they could easily each drive their own cars to school. I assumed for appearance's sake, they wanted to seem as normal and frugal as a family should be in Forks. After all, I doubt Carlisle's salary here would be enough to explain the luxury cars I knew they owned. Assumed they owned, I quietly corrected myself. After all, my sanity was still in question. As much as their appearance screamed other, I couldn’t be sure they were really vampires. Not yet.

I had a couple of options to test my theory. I could confront them head-on, and reveal what I knew. However, in the books, at least, Edward had already grown quite attached to Bella by the time she found out. I didn’t have a relationship with any of the Cullens, and if there was one thing I did know, it was that family was first to them.

They’d do anything to protect one another and their secret. While Carlisle, the patriarch of the family, would try to avoid any outcome that led to death, silencing me permanently wouldn’t be out of the question if they thought I was a threat.

I’d have to get close to them first before revealing anything. Make myself someone important, someone loved, someone they’d think twice about before…

Suddenly, I found my eyes locked with Alice Cullen. We were both still for a moment. I held my breath. But she simply smiled, it lit up her whole face. There was a twinkle in her eyes, something playful. Maybe excitement?

My eyes were still wide. What did she see? I had almost forgotten that Alice could see the future. What decision did I make that made her alert to my presence? Did she see us become friends?

Alice broke away and followed the rest of her siblings into school. I noticed Edward paused and turned back to lock eyes with me again. It was brief. He still looked confused but not threatening. We must still be far enough apart that he doesn’t realize the intensity of my blood.

Once they were out of sight I remembered to breathe again. Did I want to wait that long to find out if they were really vampires? The more time I spent with them put me in more danger. I paused for a moment as I realized something. No, every moment I spent with Edward I was in danger. My blood only sang for him. I could get close to another Cullen in order to confirm my suspicions.

I ran through the family of Cullens in my head to see who would be the best candidate. Edward was clearly crossed off. He posed the greatest threat to me until we became friends. Knowing he could kill me—wanted to kill me, would make it hard to relax around him. It wasn’t his fault but it still made me anxious.

Jasper was also out. If the events of the story were to be true, he was the newest to join the Cullens’ “vegan” lifestyle and my blood would still challenge his self-control. I grimly remembered he was also the biggest advocate to kill Bella before she threatened their way of life. Rosalie is not fond of humans to begin with and would be the hardest to approach naturally. I knew little of Emmet besides that he himself had “fallen off the wagon” before when meeting his own singer. I couldn’t be sure of his self-control either.

My best options would be Alice or Carlisle. Carlisle would pose the least amount of danger to me. After hundreds of years of self-discipline, he had never succumbed to his nature in all that time. Not once. I would include Esme in my decision as well, Carlisle’s mate, but I honestly had no way of getting close to her other than being invited to their house. I didn’t know if Esme worked or where to even find her.

Alice would be the most convenient, but she could also see me coming. She’d be prepared for any conversation I had with her and would be most likely to avoid giving anything away. I let out a frustrated sigh.

I let my head rest against the steering wheel. I still didn’t know what to do.

.…

“So, what happened yesterday?” Jessica was quick to corner me as soon as I walked into our class.

I kicked myself for not thinking of a good excuse yet. My human classmates hadn’t really been much of a concern. I thought about it for a minute before meeting her eyes. A little bit of truth wouldn’t hurt. The teachers knew anyway.

“Sorry, yes,” I said a little sheepishly. “I think I just got a little overwhelmed yesterday.”

“I mean, that was a bit of an overreaction don’t you think?” She asked pointedly. “You totally freaked out and bolted. Even skipped class on your first day!”

“I have uh….some issues I’m working through,” I said slowly so she would understand. “The teachers are already aware of my medical issues.”

Jess looked a little shocked. “Oh—uh—I’m sorry?”

I laughed at her confused response. Letting people know something was wrong with me wouldn’t make me any less of a spectacle, but at least it would provide a believable excuse for my reaction yesterday—and any I would have in the future.

“It’s okay. Just sometimes, everything gets to be too much.” It wasn’t really a lie. Everything going on was honestly too much for me to take on. I remembered those bleak, first few weeks with Rene when I was first coming to terms with my new life and the loss of my family. If Jess had known me then, my episode wouldn’t have seemed as bad.

“It’s why I enrolled in Forks,” I explained further. “My mom thought a small town would be good for me.”

Jessica nodded but looked at me with skeptical eyes. She wanted to know more. Her inquisitive nature didn’t want to let the topic rest. However, she had the common decency not to inquire about the nature of my “condition” further. At least for now.

The rest of my classes were spent apologizing to Jessica’s crew and repeating what I had told her. By lunch, I’m sure everyone at school knew.

Mike fell in step beside me and Jessica as we made our way to the lunch room. I was nervous. I still hadn’t decided what to do about the Cullens. Biology was after lunch. I’d be in close quarters with Edward Cullen within the hour if nothing changed.

“So, uh, Izzy…” Mike started a little nervously. “Is there anything we can do? Ya know, to make things easier for you?”

I saw Jessica tense up beside me. She didn’t like the extra attention or concern he had been showing me. I appreciated the comment regardless. Some kids would use such a condition to mock them. I thought it was strangely mature of him to be so considerate to someone he just met. I was also aware that it likely stemmed from other motivations. As did Jessica.

I smiled at him. “Thanks, Mike, but I think I’ll be okay today. Yesterday was just really new with a lot going on. It’s been a while since I’ve been back at school. Took some weeks off before making the move to Forks.”

He nodded and I saw Jessica roll her eyes.

As we made our way through the line, I picked a few random items from the lunch line without really paying attention to what they were. My eyes kept drifting back to the Cullens.

They didn’t seem tipped off by my anxiety or my curious glances. They were probably used to the attention by now. Everyone was in awe of them, and naturally uncomfortable as well since they knew, even subconsciously, that the Cullens didn’t belong.

By now, I assume Edward would have told his family that he couldn’t read my mind. So I definitely would be on their radar at this point. Bella had a natural affinity for blocking certain vampiric gifts. I was immensely thankful that it seemed to be the case for me as well, or else I’m sure I would have been approached already.

Jessica was prattling next to me but I wasn’t listening. I had only a few minutes to make up my mind. Should I ditch Biology again? The school would tell Charlie, and I imagine my medical allowances could only be pushed so far. I could try to change classes, but as I remembered from the books, Edward tried the same thing without any luck. I didn’t even have that dazzling, vampire charm to aid me either so I knew there was no point.

I sat down with the others. After explaining things earlier in the day, no one pressured me for details about my freak-out yesterday. It gave me more time to focus on the decision at hand.

Was I overreacting? Edward never hurt Bella in the books. I just didn’t trust that my intrusion on the storyline wouldn’t mess that up too. What to do? My time was running out.

Then it donned on me—a way to almost ensure that my first meeting with Edward wouldn’t end in bloodshed.

“Hey guys, I’m going to head out early. I’ll see you later.” I grabbed my stuff and picked up my tray. The group seemed a little confused but they were probably happy I wasn’t scrambling like a lunatic.

“Okay,” Jessica said, flipping her hair out over her shoulder and scooting closer to Mike. She was probably thankful to have his undivided attention for a few minutes.

Mustering all the courage I could, I dumped the remaining contents of my tray into the trash. Slinging my bag over my shoulder and clutching the strap tightly, I exhaled shakily. It was now or never. I took a step forward before I could lose my nerve.

Here goes nothing.

Chapter 4: Testing Theories

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Five pairs of eyes locked on to me as I approached their table. I tried to smile but it might have come out as a grimace. I couldn’t be sure.

I kept my eyes trained on Edward as I approached slowly. I’m not sure how close I’d have to be before he picked up on my scent.

My idea was simple really. If anyone was to keep Edward from losing control and killing me, it was his family. Alice would see it coming, but Jasper and Emmet would be sure to get him under control before anything bad happened…at least, I hoped. Edward was incredibly fast.

It also helped that practically the entire student body was present. More witnesses—or casualties, I thought grimly—if things went badly. I could only hope the strength of his family with him would keep Edward from breaking.

I saw Alice tilt her head to the side, her eyes unfocused. At the same time, Edward visibly tensed. I took another step forward and saw Edward grip the side of the table, he buried his head into his other shoulder away from me. A chill down my spine almost stopped me, but I continued.

“Hey guys, I’m Izzy,” I said lamely.

Everyone at the table looked shocked. Emmet glanced between Edward and me. Jasper had his jaw set and seemed particularly strained—from his proximity to a human or attempting to control Edward’s murderous intent, I wasn’t sure. Rosalie sneered and Alice simply blinked a couple of times before smiling.

“Hi Izzy,” Alice said. She didn’t seem upset or tense which reassured me. Whatever she saw couldn’t be that bad then. Right?

I cleared my throat. “So, uh, I know we haven’t met yet. I was actually wondering if I could steal your brother for a moment. From what I understand, he’s my lab partner in Biology. I missed yesterday's class since I…wasn’t feeling well.” I blushed slightly thinking of the spectacle I must have made yesterday. “I was hoping to catch up on whatever I missed before class started.”

It was a pretty great excuse for approaching the Cullens table and fairly believable. Edward hadn’t moved since I approached.

Emmet chuckled. “Wasn’t feeling well is an understatement. Looked like you saw a ghost.”

Rosalie elbowed him in his ribs. I swear I heard the ensuing crack it left behind. At the very least, it sounded like it hurt.

I tilted my head to the side and grinned. Ghosts. It honestly wasn’t too far from the truth. I contemplated how to answer that without telling the truth or sharing my personal medical history. I wasn’t fishing for sympathy.

“Actually, Izzy,” Alice started saving me from having to answer. “Edward isn’t feeling too well today. He’s actually leaving early.”

I eyed him curiously. “That’s too bad.” I lamented. “I’ll be sure to share my notes with you when you get back then.” I saw him nod tersely, still refusing to look my way.

I spun slightly in the direction of my next class. “Hope you feel better, Edward. See you guys around.” I gave a half-wave and began to leave. I heard a chair swiftly screech across the floor and noticed Edward and Jasper exiting the cafeteria in a rush.

….

“What was THAT about?!”

Mike was jogging to catch up to me. I jumped as he approached. I honestly wasn’t 100% sure Edward had managed to slip Jasper and was coming back to kill me.

“God, Mike, don’t sneak up on me like that!” I snapped a little more angrily than I had intended. My body was still wound up. I had all but walked into a lion's den with A1 sauce and a sign that said “eat me”. I was still coming down from the adrenaline.

“Sorry,” he grinned sheepishly. He didn’t seem to offend easily. “But that was crazy. What did you say to Cullen? Dude practically ran from you.”

I laughed. Is that what it looked like? It was amusing to think that I, a mere human, could intimidate or scare a vampire in any way.

“Oh, he’s not feeling well,” I repeated the story Alice had given me.

“But what were you doing talking to Cullen anyways?” Mike’s tone edged toward defensive.

I raised an eyebrow at him in response. “Making friends I guess? I notice no one talks to them.”

“For good reason,” Mike muttered. “They’re not normal.”

I shrugged in response. “Neither am I.”

Mike looked like he was going to argue but we just arrived at Biology, and I ducked inside. I was thankful to have the desk to myself.

Even after Mr. Banner started the lesson, my eyes kept darting to the door. I was fairly certain Edward wouldn’t come back, but I couldn’t be certain.

After the period ended without a vampire bursting into the room and slaughtering a room full of students, I finally began to relax. I made it another day and avoided my first potential brush with death. What worried me most was that if things continued to follow the story, this wouldn’t be my only potentially fatal encounter.

I was able to go to school without any further breakdowns. This seemed to pacify Charlie for the time being, and he didn’t press about me needing to confide in him. I did finally receive a call from Rene, though. I knew it was coming but had been dreading it.

I was surprised to find that while she still seemed reserved, she sounded much happier. The distance must have helped her ability to cope with the situation. Although, by the end of the call when she realized I hadn’t remembered anything, she became incredibly morose. Our conversation ended in an uncomfortable silence. I didn’t have anything to say that would make this situation better, and I didn’t want to encourage the notion that it would. For all I knew, I was here to stay, and Rene would never get her Bella back. It didn’t make the guilt any less piercing.

I found my voice thick with grief as I said, “Mom, you know it’s possible that I won’t get my memories back, right?” I kept twirling the phone cord around my fingers waiting for her response. I even saw the top of Charlie’s head turn in my direction away from his baseball game on the TV.

It seemed like an eternity before she responded. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves Bella. We have to stay positive.” From the trembling in her voice, I could tell she had begun to doubt it herself.

“I love you, Bella,” I could hear her muffled cries on the other end of the line.

“I know,” I replied, barely a whisper.

.…

Edward didn’t come back the next day or the day after that. If what I knew was correct, he’d be in Alaska for a while. His absence only confirmed my theory. It wasn’t a direct admission that they were vampires and the major plot points of the book were bound to happen, but it was just as damning.

That Saturday, I dragged an old quilt from inside and laid it out in the backyard. I curled up on it with a few books I plucked from Bella’s shelves. She liked Jane Austin, and while I enjoyed the movies, they weren’t my favorite read. However, there was little else to do besides watch TV, and my favorite shows hadn’t come out yet. Charlie didn’t get many channels–I had abandoned the small television after about a half hour of flipping through the same programs.

Instead, I stared at the sky and absently wondered if someone out there had reincarnated as Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. Lucky bastard. Then again there would have been no A/C, internet, or reliable health care beyond amputation and leeches. I cringed inwardly. Maybe this wasn’t the worst story to be living in. Even after marrying Mr Darcy she probably only lived to what? 40? 60 If she was lucky.

My line of thinking had me frozen in place as a thought occurred to me. Was I going to become a vampire? Would I live forever? My stomach twisted and I wrapped my arms around myself instinctually. I had been so focused on getting through each day that I hadn’t thought much as to what awaited me at the end of Bella’s story.

What future would I have here? I didn’t know if I wanted Bella’s life. Not only were there a lot of hardships Bella had to face that I didn’t know if I was ready for, but it also felt…wrong. These moments, these experiences were for Bella—not for me. I didn’t know if I could really find happiness when it felt like I was stealing it from someone else.

I knew of the Cullens, but I didn’t really know them yet. I wasn’t sure I had a right to. But Edward’s and Bella’s—and therefore my—our?–lives were irrefutably intertwined. I wasn’t sure I could avoid it if I wanted to.

What if James and his coven found me when the Cullens weren’t around? I shivered at the thought. Those three particular vampires stumbled across Bella in the books by chance, but if my life was on a direct course to those events, it would be less of chance and more of fate. Could I avoid it if I tried? The Cullens had defended Bella then, but would they do the same for me? Was it wrong of me to try and use them for protection? Potentially, I could try to barter my knowledge in exchange but would the things I know really be beneficial? Especially not knowing if they would happen exactly like I had remembered them?

I rolled over on my side and toyed with the frayed edges of my book. How would I explain my knowledge anyways? Telling someone they were fictional characters in a book didn’t seem like it would go over well. Even supernatural creatures like the Cullens would have a hard time believing that. No, I don’t think I could ever tell anyone the real truth.

I signed deeply and closed my eyes. Bella was a natural shield, rendering some vampiric abilities, like mind reading, useless. Could they be persuaded to believe I had another ability? Alice already had the gift of foresight. Could I convince them I too had an inclination for divination?

I didn’t like the idea of lying but I wasn’t sure the truth was something anyone could handle. Hell, I couldn’t handle it.

“Bella, what are you doing out here?” I woke to Charlie staring down at me.

I sat up groggily. Oh, I’d definitely be regretting this decision tomorrow. I winced as I stretched. Based on how dark it had gotten outside, hours had gone by.

“Hey, Charlie. Guess I fell asleep reading,” I said yawning.

He looked at me amused and lifted his arm to reveal the takeout he was carrying.

“Hungry?” He asked.

I smiled up at him. “Starving!”

….

During the week Edward was away, I checked his table every day at lunch to see if he was back. Alice would smile and wave if I caught her eye. Rosalie would glare daggers that just might be capable of killing me. Emmet seemed amused and kept laughing earning a good thwack from his mate. However, Jasper was also gone.

I frowned when I realized the blond vampire didn’t seem to be returning either. Had he accompanied Edward on his travels? That wasn’t in the books.

I chewed my lip, lost in thought. Jasper was capable of manipulating the emotions of those within his proximity. Did they think Edward needed Jasper to keep from returning and hunting me down? Could his draw to my blood be even worse than in the original story? If things could change, then there might be events in the future caused by my interference that I won’t be prepared for.

By the end of the day I had worked myself up again. I had to remember to keep my breathing even so as to not draw anyone’s attention. I shouldn’t fall apart each time I discovered something that was out of my control. Most people went through life not knowing what tomorrow would bring. I honestly think knowing was worse, though. It was almost like knowing the day you would die, and instead of enjoying the time you had left, you just ended up obsessing over it until all your time had gone.

I needed a break.

“Y’all want to hang out?” I said suddenly to Jess and Angela as we exited the school after our last class. Angela smiled warmly but Jessica pursed her lips in thought.

“What did you have in mind?” She asked hesitantly.

I smiled. “Really anything. I need to get out of my own head for a bit.”

Jessica’s eyes lit up. “Shopping?!” She asked hopefully.

I shrugged and grinned back at her enthusiasm. “I could use an updated wardrobe.” I hadn’t had a chance to get any new clothes after becoming Bella, and a chance to wear something that felt more like me sounded nice.

“Sounds like fun,” Angela said. “But it depends on when you want to go. I have to babysit some nights this week.”

“Honestly?” I said stopping and letting the gentle sprinkle of rain land evenly on my forehead. “You guys doing anything tonight?”

Chapter 5: Chats in Biology

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I knew time was running out. Edward would be back any day now. I debated on approaching Alice while he was away but decided against it. Any time I tried, I felt too guilty about using her. She just looked too sweet. I felt like she would be so betrayed if she knew I had ulterior motives for our friendship. Once Edward was back anyways, he’d try to get to know me on his own.

It was hard to see everyone as just characters in a book. Everyone laughed, cried, and lived just as I did. I hated thinking of everyone as a tool to advance my own agenda. So for a couple of days, I allowed myself to push all that dread and apprehension to the back burner.

I opened up a little bit to those around me, and in turn, they let me in too. I found out that Jess had dreams of becoming a news anchor. She also enjoyed Thai food and loved the idea of traveling abroad. Angela wanted to one day write and publish her own story. She had what she called “an unhealthy obsession with plants” and said her bedroom was practically taken over. Mike was interested in taking over his family business at the sports shop and was thinking of going to college for business. He also collected Star Wars figurines to which he swore me to secrecy.

“What do you want to do,” Mike had asked as the three of us made our way to the lunch room that day.

Normally, I would avoid a question like this. But today, it felt good to talk about a possible future that wasn’t so grim.

“Hmmm…” I started thoughtfully.

I hadn’t actually given much thought to it. In my last life, I was stuck in a typical business job with a degree that was too generic to really get my foot in the door anywhere. At the very least I knew I didn’t want to do that again.

“I’m not a fan of office work. Sitting behind a desk all day would slowly suck out my soul.” I laughed to myself at my choice of wording. Better than the alternative I guess but only slightly.

“I really just want something simple and chill,” I continued while readjusting my bag. “But I also want to enjoy it, you know? Maybe managing a bookstore? Or a coffee shop?”

Something I still lamented about reincarnating almost two decades earlier was the lack of third-wave coffee shops. Maybe I could open my own, I thought wistfully. If I lived that long…

As I walked into the lunch room, I slammed into the back of Jess in line when I saw the Cullens missing members back in attendance.

Jess turned a murderous glare at me. I nearly made her spill her entire lunch on Mike who was in front of her.

Mike shot a glance back at us and smirked. “In a rush today, ladies?”

I rolled my eyes and followed the two of them to our table. I pointedly didn’t look across the room. My knee kept bouncing in place nervously as time seemed to tick by. When the bell rang, I was the last at my table to stand. Mike had decided to wait for me since we had the next period together after all, which meant Jessica also waited for me despite her class being on the other side of the building.

She still didn’t trust Mike and me being left alone together, although I’d never given either of them a reason to assume I was interested.

I didn’t mind Mike. He was flirty but I never let it go anywhere. He’d asked me out a couple of times by now but rejection didn’t seem to deter him. Despite being friend-zoned he was persistent. But it was never anything that made me feel uncomfortable.

I often could redirect the conversation towards things I knew interested him. Although, I didn’t know how many more times I can listen to the difference in hiking boots brands or the quality of tents. I respected his dedication to learning about the family business at least.

I sighed. I could nudge him towards Jess, but if anything from the books were true, that wasn’t really a great match. Mike would never really appreciate her love and affection. As soon as he grew bored of me, he’d be following the next new girl around the school I imagined. He had a lot of growing up and maturing to do.

Honestly, I think she and Eric would make a much better match. They both loved a good scoop and were surprisingly intuitive. I made a mental note to try and set that up later.

As we approached biology, I lingered in the doorway. I took a deep breath before entering, attempting to steel my nerves. He wouldn’t be back if he thought he couldn’t handle it, I told myself. He’s not going to kill me.

I walked into class mostly keeping my head down and slid into my usual seat. I couldn’t bring myself to look across my table at the person sitting there but I could feel his presence regardless—a cold chill pricking across my skin.

I knew I couldn’t just ignore him. After all, I was the one that approached him that day at lunch. It would look suspicious if I just clammed up now.

So as I unzipped my bag and started pulling out my class materials, I said, “feeling better?” I turned to look at him with what I hoped was an easy smile on my face.

He was carefully perched on his chair beside me looking perfectly relaxed, but I also noticed it was a position in that he could easily get up if need be. Hopefully, to make a quick exit if need be and not block the exit before anyone could make a run for it. Not that it would make a difference.

This wasn’t my first time seeing him but I had never had the opportunity to study him so closely. He resembled much of what I could remember from the books: bronze hair, pale skin, honey-gold eyes. He didn’t resemble the actor from the movies—after all, that had been a human.

His otherworldly beauty definitely made him stick out from the rest. He was free from blemishes, not plagued with the embarrassing red blotches of acne so many teenagers tried to conceal with their makeup or the positioning of their hair at that age. Everything about him just seemed perfect–from his hair to his jawline, to the shape of his lips. He was honestly more beautiful than any high schooler should ever be. Even his posture and the confidence in which he held himself in such an effortless way were incredibly alluring.

It was almost uncomfortable looking at him because it immediately made me self-conscious. I felt like a toad in comparison. When he smiled I had to quickly avert my eyes as I felt the heat of a blush ghost my cheeks. Traitorous face, I scolded myself embarrassed.

“Yes, I’m actually feeling quite better. Thank you,” he replied, a crooked smile still on his face. I suddenly resented the fact that I knew he could hear my heartbeat.

I hummed in response, not quite trusting myself to speak. Oh, this was going to be hard. Instead, I slipped some papers from my binder and slid them over to him.

“What’s this?” He asked, taking the lined pages and observing the hand strokes of my writing.

“Notes,” I said simply. “I told you I’d take notes for you while you were out.”

“I think I do remember you saying something about this. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate it nonetheless.” There was a kindness in his eyes that surprised me.

I had realized he wouldn’t need my notes, but in order to keep up the ruse, I figured it was safe to have a copy of my notes ready for him. After all, I wasn’t supposed to know he’d already completed high school biology countless times before or that he could pluck the answers to any question Mr. Banner had right out of his head.

I nodded once. God, small talk was going to be a challenge. I wracked my brain on what I should say next when Mr. Banner brought attention to the front of the class.

I sighed in relief, and I think I caught Edward smile into his hand as he leaned against the desk. This was definitely a much different response than last time. I felt the tension leave my shoulders and relaxed a little bit.

“What brought you to Forks, Izzy,” Edward asked as we finished our group assignment for the day. With Edward’s help, we finished earlier than the rest of the class. His absence from school clearly not hindering him in the slightest.

Mr. Banner might have made a snide comment as he had in the books about Edward doing all the work for me, but with my medical allowances, he didn’t say anything out loud at least. I had identified two of the five slides in the lab on my own anyways, but science definitely wasn't my strong suit.

I scoffed slightly at Edward’s question. “Like you don’t know”. He raised an eyebrow at my response looking a little taken aback.

I realized belatedly that he might think I was referring to his telepathy. “I-I think the whole school was privy to my episode in the lunchroom,” I laughed shakily.

“I came to Forks for a quieter life. My parents thought it best for me.” I continued with an apathetic shrug.

Edward relaxed again and gave me a sympathetic nod. “Did you want to move?”

I grimaced slightly thinking of what life might have been like if I stayed with Rene. “It’s better for everyone this way.”

He watched me carefully before asking his next question. “What would make you happy, Izzy?”

He was being quite intimate with his line of questioning for just officially meeting me.

“Hmmm,” I said thoughtfully. “How about I trade a personal question for a personal question.” I had tactfully avoided everyone else’s prying questions up until this point. If he wanted to get to know me, he’d have to work for it.

“After all, I don’t open up to just anyone. Especially to people I just met.”

Edward’s surprise at my response only deepened the curiosity in his eyes. I imagined his charm allowed him to get his way most of the time.

He studied me for a few moments, a smile twitching on his lips. If anything I believe I was succeeding in amusing him. “Interesting proposition, alright,” he agreed.

I dropped my arms onto the table and rested my chin on them, purposely lowering my voice so others couldn’t hear.

“I don’t know,” I admitted finally. “I think I used to know but I don’t anymore. Things are…different. I’m still figuring me out.”

I absently pulled on a lock of my hair. I could have lied, and said something basic and believable that would get me by. But sometimes I felt suffocated by the weight of the things I couldn’t say.

“I know things that make me less miserable. I like to read and get lost in books cause it takes my mind away from the things that stress me out. But I know they are still there—It’s like putting a bandaid on the inevitable. My anxiety always comes back.”

I signed deeply. I could already feel a well of emotions bubbling at the surface. I had to be careful or I might break down in class. I hadn’t opened up to anyone in a while, not since my last shrink, and even then I had to be careful about what I said.

“I don’t like being alone.” I glanced up at him to find him intently listening.

He didn’t seem bothered with my admission as others might–mental health wasn’t exactly a topic most were comfortable with. “When left to my own devices, I tend to overthink and work myself up over things I can’t control.”

“I guess the condensed version of my answer is distractions. Distractions make me happy, at least as close as I can get to it.” I rubbed my face quickly and placed a smile on it before addressing Edward again.

I could see the sympathy in his eyes. I wondered if he too had been filling his life with distractions–after all, eternity is a long time. He knew better than to hit me with an “I’m sorry” or “that sounds rough, buddy”. Sometimes you just wanted to share your feelings without looking for someone to console you or to try to make it better. I was glad he understood.

“A bit heavier than you were probably expecting from a high schooler, huh? I’ll tell you upfront, I’m a complicated being,” I said taking a more serious tone but unable to keep the smile out of my voice.

“It’s better if we’re not friends. Trust me.” I remembered the very lines he told Bella in the book and found great amusem*nt in being able to use those words on him. I laughed at my secret joke. “It’s for your own good.”

I thought I should start keeping tallies of how many times I would render the vampire speechless.

Edward was quiet for a moment before saying, “I think you’ll find most people are more complicated than they seem.”

“I suppose so.”

I doubt beyond myself and his family, any others here were quite as complex. Although, I could agree with the sentiment. You don’t know the kind of lives people lead behind closed doors or the baggage they carry with them day to day.

I saw a glimmer of amusem*nt light up his eyes as he said, “I could say the same to you, though. I think being my friend will only bring you trouble”.

I let out a small chuckle. “And I don’t doubt it.”

“Although, I believe your attendance record would be the only thing to classify you as a troublemaker. I’m fairly certain the administration here worships you.” It was common knowledge that the Cullens had impeccable grades and were model students.

“I’m not totally sure your family isn’t lining the faculty’s pockets. Who else can get away with missing so much school? I’ve heard rumors of your family camping trips.” Whenever the weather was nice, the Cullens would conveniently go camping. Couldn’t have anyone eyeing their sparkly bits.

Edward laughed and waved his hand dismissively. “No, nothing like that. We just happened to transfer in with a lot of extra credits so the administration is more lenient with us. We keep up with any assignments we miss.”

He then shrugged a little smugly, “I assure you, I still manage to be top of my class.”

“Show off,” I huffed back in good humor. I was surprised by how easily our conversation was flowing. I had been dreading this very situation for so long. I guess it helped that he was… well-fed.

Our eyes met again and I got lost in the golden swirls of his irises. I probably had been staring for longer than was socially acceptable, but I felt trapped in his gaze. From the intensity of his eyes, I wondered if he was still trying to read my mind.

Our gaze broke when Mr. Banner began addressing the class again. I suddenly realized I wouldn’t have time for Edward to uphold his end of the deal. I turned to him in a panic but he held his hand up to stop me.

“Tomorrow,” he mouthed, amusem*nt pulling at his lips.

I nodded determinedly. I would hold him to it.

….

“Now, what about you, Edward Cullen?” I didn’t waste any time as I slid into my chair the next day. “What makes you happy?”

I was genuinely curious about what appeased a hundred-year-old vampire. Everything must get boring after a while. Was there anything he hadn’t tried or accomplished in his lifetime?

I had been dying to hear his answer all day yesterday. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to approach his table at lunch today. But I wasn’t sure how his siblings would react to my presence or if he’d be as forthcoming with an audience.

I decided last night that it should be safe to develop a friendship with Edward. He was clearly interested in learning more about me, and I knew his motivations also stemmed first from a place of caution for him and his family. I was an anomaly they were currently unsure of how to handle. I also secretly thought having a vampire best friend would be kind of cool.

I didn’t have any delusions that this would turn into anything more. In the stories, Edward had fallen in love with Bella, as a person. And I was not her. I also wasn’t looking to snag a vampire boyfriend and live eternally struggling with my own bloodthirsty nature. Yeah, I could pass on that. But who’s to say that we couldn’t become friends? I could assist them by providing them with the plot points of a possible future and in turn, they would make sure I didn’t become a supernatural snack. Win-win.

“Well, hello to you too,” he mumbled suppressing a smile while pretending to be bothered by my abrupt questioning.

“Yes, yes,” I waved my hand dismissively. “Good afternoon. How are you doing? Did you sleep okay last night? Perfect! So about our conversation yesterday…”

“You know,” he started, placing a hand under his chin in thought. “I actually didn’t sleep well last night now that you ask.” His eyes alight with the weight of the unspoken joke. “I have a hard time falling asleep at all.”

How often did these types of vampire jokes go unnoticed by the Forks’ populace? I could only imagine Emmet often engaging in such humor, laughing at the expense of all the unsuspecting humans that didn’t know they should be cowering in fear rather than laughing along with him.

He was clearly avoiding answering what I wanted to know and found great amusem*nt in my irritation. I rolled my eyes dramatically and went to playfully shove his shoulder. I realized too late, that I made two errors. The first mistake was forgetting that while the person sitting next to me was a very pretty, disarmingly charming boy, he was still a killer—one constantly fighting his instincts to snap my neck and drain me of my blood. Secondly, engaging in physical contact would be an easy way for a human, not quite unlike myself, to figure out that beneath that thin cashmere sweater was a cold, stoney body that felt anything but human.

I internally panicked for a second, until my hand followed through and gently pushed him lightly. I realized he must be accustomed to human touch and knew just how to react accordingly, otherwise, I’m sure my arm would have jarred against his, maybe even spraining my wrist.

I saw his jaw tense, but there was no other sign that I made a fatal error…yet. I quickly withdrew my hand and cleared my throat.

“So…” I glanced at him nervously, still gauging his reaction. “I was supposed to get to know the real, uncensored Edward and find out what makes him happy.”

His smile was a bit more terse this time. I noticed his body was now angled away from me. I cursed myself for my carelessness.

“After all, I did bare my soul to you yesterday,” I hedged, worried he might back out of our deal. I should have made him go first.

He let out a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “That you did.”

“I do suppose you’d hold it against me if I refused.” There was still a stiffness to his body but the humor had returned to his eyes.

“Only for the rest of the semester,” I agreed.

“I could try to sabotage your grade as your lab partner,” I teased. Although I’m fairly certain Mr. Banner would throw me from his class before he let that happen.

“So we’ve resorted to threats now?” He laughed tousling his hair. “Izzy, you never cease to surprise me.”

He smiled and his eyes lost focus briefly as if recalling a fond memory. “I know it will sound completely unoriginal, but my family brings me the most joy in my life.”

“I could never repay Carlisle for everything he has done for me–in him is a father and mentor. Esme is more of a mother than anyone could ever hope for. As for my siblings,” he continued with a bemused look on his face. “We don’t always see eye to eye, but I cherish them all the same. My life wouldn’t quite be the same without them.”

“Even Rosalie?” I mused with an eyebrow raised.

“Even Rosalie.”

Mr. Banner started the lecture and I straightened suddenly. I hadn’t realized I was leaning toward Edward as he talked. I flushed and quickly started pulling out my notebook for class.

After a few minutes, I registered a burning behind my eyes. I hadn’t realized my thoughts had drifted back to my own family before the tears had already begun to well in my eyes. I rubbed them quickly, silently threatening myself to keep it together.

It was beautiful, what Carlisle had done–creating a family for those that needed it. Any one of them could have left after being turned, but they didn’t. In a life so terrifying and unfamiliar, I imagine the structure and companionship of a family were welcome. They had stuck together, defended one another, and been there during the hardest parts of their lives.

It made me too painfully aware of my own loss–a family I was no longer a part of. What I wouldn’t give to see them again.

A traitorous tear slipped down my cheek and I bit my lip to keep it from quivering. Not here. Not now.

If Edward noticed, he didn’t say anything to which I was grateful. As soon as class ended, I was the first to leave the room. I spent the next period locked in the bathroom barely able to keep the sobs from escaping my chest.

Chapter 6: Starbucks

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The next few days carried on the same.

I found it strangely easy to talk with Edward. Kind of like with Charlie, I didn’t feel the need to uphold pretenses. He was almost as “other” as I was. It was like finding a kindred spirit–another who knew the struggle of keeping people at arm's length. We both had our secrets and danced around them. I was aware of the things Edward didn’t want to talk about as much as he knew the topics of conversation to steer clear of for me. Not to say Edward wasn’t unapologetically nosy. He did ask a lot of personal questions. But I wasn’t afraid to hit him back with ones of my own–so long as they didn’t divulge either of our otherworldly secrets.

I discovered things about Edward I didn’t know before. For one, he loved to paint. He preferred oils and would not start anything else until it was finished. He liked to paint landscapes that were rich with nature. He told me he had traveled to many places for the sole purpose of capturing it in person.

“Do you travel often,” I asked, whisked away in my own imagination. What fun it would be to travel the world, capturing moments on canvas–even though, I myself wasn’t artistically inclined.

“Mostly during the summers, but you’d be surprised,” he said wistfully. “I often find inspiration close to home.”

I wondered if he was referring to places like the meadow from the books or if his pieces were mostly of the frozen landscapes of places further north. He did say summers after all. Couldn’t risk sparkling in the middle of a tourist group when most other people were traveling.

I had shared with him my love of espresso and cried to him about how I’d been silently suffering all this time drinking the Folger’s Charlie had at his house.

“He has like a year’s supply! We’ll never run out. It’s my own personal hell.” I laid my head on the desk in defeat. “How do you people survive like this?”

Edward had listened to my rant with a bemused expression. “You do realize you live near Seattle, right?”

I gave him a questioning look in return. “Yes?” What did that have to do with anything?

He grinned and gave me an incredulous look. “They have espresso in Seattle, Izzy. Starbucks is fairly popular there.”

“STARBUCKS?!” I hadn’t meant to yell but now everyone’s eyes were on me, and a couple of people snickered at my outburst.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, thankful Mr. Banner hadn’t arrived yet.

“You’re telling me I’m driving distance from a caramel macchiato,” I hissed at him. “And you’re just telling me this now?”

“You never brought it up,” he pointed out with a laugh. “They’ve been around since the ‘70s.”

I was dumbfounded for the rest of class and honestly a little embarrassed at myself. I had assumed I was in the dark ages. What else was I missing out on because I had naively assumed it hadn’t been invented yet? Just because there wasn’t a Starbucks on every corner like it was in my time, didn’t mean it wasn’t around. Forks was mostly made up of local businesses–there wasn’t even a Mcdonald's in sight. I’m sure Starbucks had a number of franchises in the 2000s now that I thought about it. I had been so wrapped up in my own head, I hadn’t even given it much thought.

My mind was racing with questions. I kept glancing at Edward throughout the lecture to which he would grin and give me a puzzled look in return. Eventually, I inched closer to him.

“What consoles are out this year?” I whispered.

The poor boy looked so confused–I was fairly certain he wasn’t expecting that question.

“Well, Sony and Xbox announced new consoles but they haven’t come out yet. But the PlayStation 2 is still quite popular.”

I nodded thinking that sounded about right. I realized that Charlie’s house was severely outdated and not a true representation of the time. Without any young kids around, I doubt he even considered updating his TV or having video games around the house. I think he maybe has a full set of checkers and Connect4 in the hall closet. If I looked hard enough, I’m sure I could scrounge up a deck of UNO. Bella didn’t even have a cellphone–so I imagine Rene was also kind of old school when it came to technology.

Video games were something I enjoyed playing with my siblings while growing up. Many of the games we had were single-player, but we would still crowd around that clunky black television in our living room and watch our oldest sibling play through the story with just as much excitement as if we were playing it ourselves. Even when we grew older and moved away, we still made time to meet virtually and play something online to catch up and hang out when we couldn’t see each other in person. I think that was one of the reasons we were able to stay so close throughout the years.

I wondered how I’d get my hands on a PlayStation 2 and if I’d need to borrow some money from Charlie to go shopping with. I had mistakenly used a lot of Bella’s reserved cash on clothes when I went out with Jessica and Angela. I practically had a whole new wardrobe now. I decided I should probably get a part-time job this summer so I’d have extra spending money.

I was bubbling with excitement for the rest of class, mentally preparing for a trip to Seattle as I continued to pester Edward with questions about what video games were currently out. I thought it might annoy him, as he told me he didn’t play many himself, but apparently, his brother Emmet was an avid collector and so he was able to clue me in on the best games. I could tell Edward was happy to have discovered something I was actually passionate about.

“Izzy, how are you supposed to pass this class if you never pay attention?” Edward asked as we neared the end of class.

He kept his eyes on the board throughout the lecture, giving the impression of a model student, despite answering every question I whispered to him when Mr. Banner’s back was turned.

I shrugged. “I don’t really care about my grades. I would happily have my GED right now and be out there working instead of being loaded down with heavy, overpriced textbooks and being forced to memorize facts that I’ll literally never need in my adult life.”

I know from experience, I thought sarcastically. I had some bitterness about the education system–but everyone has different experiences. I just knew college wasn’t for me. Been there done that.

“Please tell me when I’m going to need to know that the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. Seriously?” I rolled my eyes in exasperation at such a random, useless fact my mind decided to commit to memory from science classes past.

“But…” I continued. “My parents already have a hard enough time with me as it is. I think dropping out of high school would actually cause more problems than it's worth.”

“Education is important, Izzy,” Edward sighed as he continued to scribble in his notebook–the handwriting not quite as neat as it usually was. “Besides, college can be a pivotal time in your life where you’re able to discover more about yourself, make new friends, and learn about perspectives outside of the environment you grew up with. You wouldn’t want to miss out on any experiences and look back at your life and regret them one day.”

I dismissed his advice with a shake of my head. I wondered why he, as an immortal, chose to go through school over and over again. There had to literally be a million other things I could think of that I’d rather do than sit in a classroom all day. Why not be homeschooled for the pretense of it and then go off and do whatever it was that inhumans liked to get up to when not bleeding things dry?

I glanced over at him, Edward Cullen, a vampire of nearly a hundred years, in complete wonder. He went to school, submitted his assignments, sat in the cafeteria during lunch, and turned in permission slips to go on field trips. He didn’t have to do any of this–which meant he wanted to.

A thought struck me as I considered my own unique situation. Even though I hated studying for tests and learning pointless information, its structure brought normalcy to my life–something I desperately needed when everything else was so foreign and different. School was simple and familiar. I think it also helped to be surrounded by people that lived such normal, very non-supernatural lives. I thought of Mike and Jess and how experiencing their day-to-day struggles and triumphs, even second-handedly, allowed me to get lost in the narrative I had created–it made the lie feel more believable. Made me feel more…human?

A flick of a pencil across my arm brought my attention back. Edward wore an amused smile as he twirled the pencil around his fingers before going back to take notes. Lost in my inner monologue, I ended up staring at Edward longer than I had intended. I turned back to the board not a moment too soon as Mr. Banner turned around to address the class about the assignments that were due.

“There’s no rule about going to college right after high school,” I told Edward as I gathered my stuff together when the bell rang. “I can always seek out higher education later in life if I so choose.” I doubt I would, but who knows? Never say never, right? Maybe I could get a degree in something fun and interesting this time instead of choosing my major based on practicality.

“I suppose,” Edward relented, but didn’t seem to be totally convinced.

“Oh, don’t forget your notes, Izzy,” he said, slipping a page of lined paper in my arms amongst my other supplies.

I looked at it curiously. I didn’t take any notes.

“Izzy, I’d like a word.” Mr. Banner’s voice brought my attention to his desk in the front of the room. “You too, Edward.”

After catching the irritation in his tone, I looked up at Edward anxiously. Maybe I should have taken a page from Edward’s book today and at least pretended I was listening to the lesson. If Mr. Banner asked me anything he covered today, I’d have no idea.

Oh well, I made my choice, I thought as I made my way over to his desk.

“Mr. Banner?” I asked with feigned ignorance.

Mr. Banner sighed, taking his glasses off as he rubbed his eyes. “Now, this won’t be my first time having to do this, but if I need to, I’ll have to separate the two of you and assign you different lab partners.”

I bit my cheek guilty. I hadn’t meant to get Edward in trouble too.

“Now, I don’t care what the two of you do outside this classroom,” giving an implied wave at the two of us. “But when you’re in my class, I expect your main focus to be learning.”

“Oh, we’re not-” I started quickly with an embarrassed blush trying to shut down any assumption that Edward and I were more than friends.

“Izzy,” Mr. Banner interrupted as he leaned back in his chair. “I really don’t care. The only thing I do care about is your grades and passing this class.”

“Edward,” he continued, turning to him. “You’re my best student and I’d hate to see you lose focus and let your grades slip when the term will be ending in just a few months.”

“And you,” he said pointing a stern finger at me, “were already behind. You’ve done well catching up, but if you can’t cut the chatter and pay attention to the lessons, you’ll only fall behind again.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Banner,” Edward interjected. “You did ask me to assist Izzy with any help she might need with the course material since she transferred in late.”

“So, you’re implying that today’s conversations were all lesson based?” Mr. Banner asked doubtfully.

“Of course.” Edward’s smile was friendly and honest. Even I wanted to believe him.

“If that’s the case, I’m sure you’ll have no problem submitting your class notes today for review," Mr. Banner challenged confidently.

I paled slightly as Edward nodded and handed over his notes for the day. How was I going to get out of this? I caught Edward’s wink, and then I remembered the paper he had slipped me. I looked down at it in surprise, noticing an entire page worth of lecture notes written in handwriting that looked very similar to my own, before handing it over.

Mr. Banner pursed his lips as he looked them over and then signed each at the bottom. “They look good,” he relented but fixed me with a dubious look. “Next time, write your questions down and have Edward or me look them over once the lesson has concluded. While I’m all for students helping each other out, I don’t want it to become a distraction for others. You may go.”

I nodded once and then quickly stepped out into the hall. I pulled on Edward’s sleeve and took him a few doors down. The halls had mostly cleared by now–I was expecting the bell to ring at any moment.

“If you knew that was going to happen, why didn’t you just tell me to pay attention!” I grumbled. I assume he’d have an excuse ready for me besides mindreading to tell me why he had my notes prepared for me.

Edward didn’t even bother to hold back his amusem*nt. “I did tell you,” he reminded me with a chuckle. “You didn’t care.”

“Mr. Banner sometimes has students who he knows aren’t listening submit their class notes at the end of class,” he explained further.

“You weren’t exactly being subtle. Thought we should be prepared just in case,” he said while tapping my forehead with his pencil.

“Well, you should have been more obvious about it,” I whined, swatting his hand away in annoyance.

“What if he asks to see my notes again? I’m going to have to actually take them next time unless you’re willing to forge mine again.” I looked up at him hopefully, hands clasped together in a silent plea–I wasn’t above begging.

“Not a chance,” he laughed, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets while fixing me with a smug grin. “Who knows, if you bothered to actually learn something, maybe you’d remember more than the mitochondrial role in a cell.”

He darted away as I went to slug him with my book bag.

….

As I sat down at lunch one day, I noticed Mike had been staring across the room at the Cullens for longer than seemed appropriate, at least without swooning as others might. The Cullens either tended to illicit fear or intense attraction and not much in-between.

“What do you see in him,” Mike finally said indignantly. It took me a moment to realize he was addressing me. I looked up to find the rest of the table’s eyes on me.

“What are you talking about?” I said around a mouthful of sandwich.

He scoffed, “Cullen. The two of you chat it up every day in class now. Doesn’t that guy give you the creeps?”

Lauren gazed longingly across the lunchroom. “He definitely makes me feel certain kinds of ways,” she murmured.

Angela coughed on her water, and I couldn’t help but grin. Jessica shifted uncomfortably beside me. If it was just us girls, she probably would have liked to join in, but Mike was sitting right beside her. She wasn’t bashful about her own opinions of the Cullens when it was just us.

“Maybe he makes you uncomfortable because you haven’t come to terms with your unspoken attraction to him,” I teased which only made Mike angrier.

“Shut it,” he retorted, his face turning a shade pinker. “I’m being serious.” But Angela had lost her will to keep it in and started giggling uncontrollably.

“No, no, Newton, please tell us about your fevered dreams of Edward cradling you in his strong arms,” Tyler prodded.

Mike attempted to deck him across the table but Tyler was ready and reeled back in time.

“Watch it you two,” Eric chastised them with a small tsk. “Tyler, you’re one detention away from a suspension. You’ll miss the dance if a teacher catches you fighting.”

At that, Jess gripped my shoulder tightly, our banter forgotten.

“The dance!” She squealed. Oh no. “Izzy, you’re going right?”

Angela also looked up at me expectantly. I’d been fighting this battle for the last week with the two of them. My refusals had been falling on deaf ears.

“Dances aren’t really my thing guys…” I said slowly. I could tell their determination hadn’t waned. “I don’t even know how to dance.”

“Oh, come on. What better plans could you have on a Friday night in Forks,” Jess waved dismissively. “And besides, no one really knows how to dance. You just go out there and have fun.”

She gave me a concerned look. “You do know how to have fun right?”

I laughed, but honestly? Besides going out with Jess and Angela last week I hadn’t really been doing much. Unless you counted watching TV with Charlie. I really didn’t care for dances, but it’s not like I had much else going on. Besides, it would prove to be a decent distraction for the time being.

“I’ll think about it.”

….

At school, I was able to keep my mind busy between friends and classes. My daily talks with Edward also helped and I found myself looking forward to them. When I got home, I could hang out with Charlie, and we’d eat pizza while he’d explain the rules of whatever sport we were watching that night to me again since I could never seem to follow along. But once I was left to my own devices–once I was alone–it was like being plunged underwater. Sometimes I was able to stay afloat, and reason with myself. But other nights I was drowning.

This particular night, I was unable to fall asleep. I clutched my pillow to my chest and leaned against the headboard. My sides were still shaking as I got my breathing under control. I used my sleeve to mop the tears off my cheeks.

Indecision was killing me. I had to make up my mind. Every time I got comfortable with how things were, I’d be wracked with guilt. Guilt over whether I was meant to be here if I was stealing someone else’s life, and deceiving those around me into thinking that I was Bella.

I needed to decide. Would I embrace this life or would I continue to reject it? I couldn’t continue to live like this, pulled in different directions and hoping that I’d just wake up and all of this would have been a dream–I couldn’t count on that nor could I wait any longer for it to happen. I had to move on from who I was and accept that chapter of my life was now over or I’d never be able to live freely.

I couldn’t continue to be “Bella” either. I think that was one of the reasons I had such a hard time adjusting. I was constantly concerned with what she would do or the decisions she would make–her life, her story, her experiences.

But I’m not her. I told myself. This is no longer her story. This is my life, and I’m going to make the best of it.

Chapter 7: Avoid the Van

Chapter Text

That next morning, Charlie was surprised to see me already awake. I never did get around to falling asleep. I felt jittery. My decision to embrace this life left me feeling wired with a new kind of energy. Am I excited? The thought was strange. But a new beginning, carving out my own mark in this world, had me actually looking forward to the future and what it might hold for me.

“Coffee?” I asked, sliding a mug over to him across the table. Even the Folger’s didn’t taste as bad today…almost.

I must not have looked quite as well as I was feeling cause he narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously as he picked up the cup and poured his coffee from the pot.

“Bella, how are you feeling lately?” he asked, his gaze a little too inquisitive to be considered a casual question. “How do you like living here? In Forks?”

I was surprised by his line of questioning. “I’ve enjoyed my time here,” I replied hesitantly, not sure where he was going with this.

“I’ve made some friends at school. I’m getting used to the routine here. It’s -” I looked for the right word. “Quiet. I like quiet.”

He nodded thoughtfully then rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand avoiding eye contact. “Well, you know Rene…your mother…she found this new doctor-”

My mug came down harder than expected making a jarring clack against the tabletop.

“Charlie,” I stopped him, being careful to say things slowly and not to let panic edge into my voice. “I don’t want to leave, and I don’t want to see another doctor.”

I had convinced my parents to halt my therapy sessions for the time being. It was exhausting and I hated having to keep up with all the lies. If I didn’t speak I was “uncooperative” and Rene would get upset. So I had been providing vague details and focusing on “not quite feeling like myself”.

He raised his arms in a defeated gesture. “Look kiddo, I don’t know what to do. Your mom is still really concerned–hell, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t too.”

He gave me a knowing look, “You’re doing okay in school, but you don’t go out much. You say you have friends but you never hang out with them outside of class.”

I thought about bringing up the night I went shopping, but I didn’t think one time was going to make much of a difference in this argument.

His words were thick with emotion as he continued. “Y-your still crying most nights.”

I looked down at my mug, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“And you haven’t been able to remember anything since moving here. We’re just worried about you, Bells. I’m not expecting things to go back to the way they were, and I love having you here with me. But I need to know that whatever this is, whatever's been going on with you…” he drifted off as his voice broke.

“I just want you to be happy,” He said finally, his eyes full of helpless sorrow. He wanted to help but didn’t know how.

I had told myself Charlie was handling everything well because he was giving me my space, but it had been selfish to assume that. Charlie was suffering too. Just like Rene, he too lost his daughter.

I rose from my chair and walked over to him, wrapping Charlie in a hug. I heard him sniff, trying to hold back his emotions as he hugged me back.

“I’m trying,” I whispered out between my own tears. “I’m trying.”

“I like being here in Forks,” I added truthfully. “I like living with you.”

Living with Rene would only hold me back from being able to live my new life in this world. Rene was still waiting for Bella to come back after all.

“Things…they are going to be different. I’m going to be different. But I’m working on figuring myself out.”

I was quiet for a moment before asking, “If my memories never come back…can I still stay here with you? I think I’d like to make some new memories together.”

Charlie leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Yeah, Bells, I think I’d like that.”

I knew Rene wouldn’t be willing to give up easily on bringing back the old Bella, but for today, it was nice to know that Charlie would be willing to accept the new me. For the first time since coming to this world, I realized that I wasn’t alone. I squeezed Charlie tighter and smiled into his police uniform. Just as Edward’s family had chosen each other, I could choose my own family in this world too, and Charlie would be a part of it.

“Oof, don’t break me kiddo,” he huffed out and I released him awkwardly. I know Bella and Charlie hadn’t been super close before, but I was hoping to change that.

“Thanks…Dad,” I said quickly, catching the stunned look on his face before making my way back upstairs. “Want to get dinner at the diner tonight?” I called out behind me.

It took a moment for Charlie to recover and realize what I had asked. “Y-Yeah, sounds good.”

I could still hear the confusion in his voice, and smiled. This would be new for both of us. Although, it still felt weird calling Charlie dad–I’d save that for special occasions.

.…

I noticed that Charlie must have put snow chains on my tires that morning while I finished getting ready. There had been a freeze last night and the roads had a dangerously, shiny layer of ice. It was still drizzling outside so it didn’t make sense why I was waiting in the elements, my coat dampening, staring at my truck, keys in hand. But I remembered something important. A pivotal plot point in the book. Tyler’s van!

Was today the day that Tyler would lose control of his car on the slippery pavement and nearly crush me to death? After appearing out of nowhere, Edward had saved Bella in the books which only fueled her theories of his family being supernatural.

I continued to wait in the rain, until the chill began to make my bones ache. What should I do?

I finally slid into the driver’s seat of my car and cranked on the heat.

Do I go in late? Avoid the incident altogether? But if it wasn’t me, would Tyler crash into someone else? Someone Edward wouldn’t risk the secret of his family over? Would I then be responsible for their death? I breathed in deeply.

No panic attacks, I told myself sharply. This is fine. I can figure something out.

I decided to drive to school, too worried someone else might meet an untimely end due to my inability to make up my mind.

Maybe since I knew it was coming, I could move out of the way in time. Direct fate my way then whisk out of the way at the last minute. I wasn’t incredibly confident in those odds though. But if I didn’t make it out of the way in time, Edward would save me…right?

I began to chew my chapped lips in apprehension. What if he doesn’t save me? What if they don’t arrive in time? As I pulled into a parking space, I relaxed when I saw the silver Volvo had already arrived.

Then an idea occurred to me. What if Edward was already near me when the van lost control? He couldn’t risk me bleeding out in front of him–he wasn’t disciplined enough for that, not yet anyways. I nodded to myself feeling confident.

Although, there was an annoying seed of doubt still rooted in my gut that he and his family might not be vampires at all. What if Edward was killed by my putting him in the path of the van? I still didn’t have concrete proof of his immortality. I was at least 80% sure he was a vampire.

Please don’t be 20% human, I muttered to myself, getting out of my truck.

The parking lot was filling out as more people had arrived…Tyler was still absent. I saw Edward and his siblings exit their car.

Before they could make their way into school I hollered, “Hey, Edward!”

I was instantly pinned down by five sets of golden eyes. The feeling was just as unsettling as the first time I willfully directed their attention toward me.

I swallowed nervously. “Can you come here for a sec?”

Rosalie turned sharply and dragged Emmet along with her toward the school, Jasper trailing after them. Alice lightly patted Edwards shoulder with a knowing smile and turned to follow after the others.

Edward jogged over with a graceful gait, unencumbered by the slippery asphalt. His bronze hair was tinged with a mist of rain. His eyes were alight with playful curiosity.

“And to what do I owe this honor?”

My mind blanked suddenly. What should I say? I still wasn’t convinced I should share my knowledge with them quite yet–so alerting him to the impending danger wasn’t an option. I could make awkward small talk hoping it kept him interested until Tyler arrived. But my mind was a vast empty space of nothingness that wasn’t producing anything helpful.

At my silence, he tilted his head inquisitively. “Izzy?”

I glanced around the parking lot in a panic. Still no Tyler. “Ummm…” I started lamely, pleading with my brain to come up with something. My eyes zoned in on Jessica who was eyeing me from afar, probably wondering why Edward Cullen was talking to me by my car.

“The dance!” I suddenly said, not even sure where it came from. I paled instantly. My god what have I done?!

It was then that I ardently wished Tyler would get there already and put me out of my misery. Edward’s eyes widened in surprise.

“The dance?” he repeated as unsure as I was—that he must have misheard me.

“Uh, y-yeah,” I stammered hating myself even more. Where is that freaking van! “The dance…are you going?”

His lips twitched with a smile, “I thought dances weren’t your thing.”

Did I tell him that? I couldn’t remember. “Well…I hadn’t really decided yet…”

He leaned casually against the side of my truck with a smug look. “And would my attendance affect your decision?”

My mouth was dry. How did I get myself into this? I blinked rapidly and looked down at my hands, unable to be caught in the pools of his eyes any longer. I could feel my blush up to my ears. Tyler, if you’re going to kill me, do it now.

“Edward, I-” I started feeling distraught in this hopeless situation. Could I fix this misunderstanding?

“I’ll go to the dance with you,” Edward said, interrupting me, unable to keep the smile from his voice.

My head snapped up. “You’ll what?”

His eyebrow quirked up, a smirk on his lips. “You’re asking me to the dance, aren’t you?”

“I…” My brain melted under his gaze. Why did he have to be so gorgeous? It made it even harder to put together coherent sentences. “I…guess so?”

“Great, I’ll pick you up at 7:00 next Saturday then.” He said, moving away from my truck. “Hurry, or you’ll be late for your first period.”

I was still frozen in place. I think it was taking him a great deal of effort not to laugh. He had enjoyed watching the trainwreck of my own making.

Jess hurriedly skidded across the parking lot to where I was. I had gripped the side of my truck for support, not entirely sure my knees wouldn’t give out.

“What was that about!” She hissed.

“I just asked Edward to the dance,” I said still in disbelief. “I’m going to the dance with Edward Cullen!” I yelled in despair. “JESS! What am I going to do?!”

Jessica clearly was confused by my panicked reaction. “Well, first, we need to get you a dress,” she said with a smile. “And I have to find a date. Can’t let you have all the fun!”

I had to lean on Jess in order to make it into the school–I didn’t trust myself to not fall over from shock. It wasn’t until lunch period that I found out Tyler wouldn’t be coming to school today and was out sick.

Dammit, it was all for nothing! I lamented laying my head down on the table. Angela patted my back also not sure why I was distraught but knew I needed comforting. “We’ll find you the best dress in Port Angeles!” She assured me.

“Oh no, she won’t,” Jess interjected as she took a seat beside us. She was giddy with excitement. “She’s taking Edward Cullen to the dance. This requires a special trip. We’re going to Seattle!”

I dreaded seeing Edward in class that day but as fate would have it, it was blood typing, and he was nowhere to be found. I sighed in relief as I took my seat. Mike had been giving me a mutinous look since finding out I had asked Edward to the dance. After voicing his opinions on the Cullens didn’t go so well last time, he had kept his disapproval to himself…at least as nonverbally as he could.

I was restless that entire afternoon. Even Charlie knew something was up but didn’t push too much. I laid in bed that night fuming. Why would he agree? Edward was a major heart throb at school. I’m sure other girls asked him by now. So why would he say yes to me? What did this mean…I decided I’d have to clarify that we’d be going as “just friends” before he got any ideas. I was not looking forward to that awkward conversation.

I screamed into my pillow. I’m such an idiot!

Chapter 8: Dr. Cullen

Chapter Text

As fate would have it, my date with Tyler’s van would happen the very next morning when I was completely unprepared for it. I was so focused on confronting Edward, the whole reason yesterday’s fiasco even happened had slipped my mind. I had no sooner jumped out of my truck and made my way to the tailgate, holding on for dear life so I wouldn't slip on the ice, that I heard tires squeal and someone scream. I just barely had time to look up and see the back end of Tyler’s van on a collision course to me.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the impact and a sickening crunch. I was sure I had died. I felt pain blossom across the side of my head. There was a murmuring I couldn’t quite understand. I blinked my eyes open, the world adjusting slowly until I realized I was staring up into Edward’s face.

He had one arm wrapped protectively around my waist and the other against the side of Tyler's car. His hand had left an indent in the side, crumpling metal around his fingers like a sheet of paper. His eyes were wild. I registered his mouth was moving but it took a moment to place words in them.

“Izzy, are you alright?” I saw the concern on his face. He seemed to be fine, but he shouldn’t be. Not if he were human. “I think you hit your head. Don’t move.”

I could now make out the alarmed student body surrounding the crash, trying to make sense of what happened. The thoughts processed in my head slowly. I reached up and with both hands, placing them on either side of his face. Edward was surprised by my touch. Despite the pain, I felt swallowed by a whole new emotion.

“I’m so happy!” I choked out and then started sobbing. Relief. Because I wasn’t crazy. Edward was a vampire.

….

I sat on the edge of the hospital bed with puffy eyes and a bag of ice against my temple. God that was embarrassing. Everyone probably assumed I was crying from the pain or the shock, but it didn’t make it any less mortifying. I was blubbering the whole way to the hospital. Edward had to explain what happened to the paramedics because I was in no condition to talk.

My head throbbed, and I knew I would have a splitting headache for the rest of the day. But even that couldn’t damper my spirits. Even though I had decided to live my life in this world, it was such a relief to know I wasn’t insane.

I was pointedly ignoring Tyler who was continuously apologizing from the bed next to me. I had already forgiven him–told him not to dwell on it, but he wouldn’t stop. That’s when Edward entered the room, an apprehensive smile on his face.

I beamed back at him. “Looks like we both get to live another day amongst the living,” I said to him with more cheerfulness than the situation afforded.

I could see he was tense. We hadn’t talked yet. He couldn’t know exactly what I had seen or what I had made of what happened at the school. But my bright disposition probably assured him I was none the wiser of his supernatural abilities because I saw his shoulders relax.

“I’m not entirely sure you don’t have a concussion,” he said observing me with mock concern.

“You do know you were in a car accident today? Nearly killed? Ring a bell?” He asked. I could tell he wanted to be serious but I think my demeanor was disarming him.

At Edward’s words, Tyler tried to go into a whole other round of apologies, but Edward silenced him with a look.

“But I’m okay,” I said, feet swinging back and forth. I felt almost giddy. “You’re okay.”

“We’re all okay!” I continued happily, pointing between the two of us. I frowned suddenly. “Well, Tyler’s not okay, but he’s still alive so that’s something.”

Edward narrowed his eyes with renewed concern. “Now I’m sure there’s something wrong with you,” he murmured.

“Good thing the Doctor’s here to take another look.”

At that, Carlisle came into the room, donned in a white coat, and a stethoscope around his neck. It was like I was on the scene of some kind of emergency room TV show. He was every bit as handsome as Edward and the rest of the Cullens, but with a wiser, older look in his eyes that didn’t match his young face. I’m sure he had a time fending off the nurses and patients here.

I almost laughed thinking of the waiting list he probably had for accepting new patients. I imagined all the lonely Forks women coming up with all manner of ailments to come in for regular checkups.

“Miss Swan,” he said, joining Edward beside my bed with clipboard in hand.

“I’m Dr. Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle if you prefer,” he placed a hand on Edward’s shoulder. “I’m also Edward’s father.” Something you could tell he took pride in.

I was surprised by how different I felt around Carlisle than any of the other Cullens. Despite his features being very much the same, he had a completely different presence. Something soft and warm. With Edward and his siblings, I found myself feeling on edge, knowing there was something not quite right about them–something dangerous. But with Carlisle? I didn’t get any of that. Was it the result of his age? Or maybe that he himself had never fed on human blood? I’d have to ask one day if we ever became close.

“Izzy,” I responded, still wearing a stupid grin.

He nodded and looked between the two of us briefly. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Edward has spoken highly of you.”

That threw me. Edward was chatting me up to his family? Oh god, what had he said?! I wracked my brain going through earlier conversations to see if there was anything embarrassing I let slip.

“Hopefully all good things,” I said warily, shooting a murderous look Edward’s way. My good mood was gone.

He looked as uncomfortable as I did, and returned my gaze with an apologetic one of his own. Despite myself I did find it incredibly adorable that Carlisle was playing up the dad card. I wondered if he had ever had the opportunity to embarrass his kids like this.

He chuckled at my response. “Of course. Edward is ever the gentleman. But I understand that the two of you are going to the dance together next Saturday.”

Nope, nope, nope. I can’t confront this right now.

By my panicked expression, Edward cleared his throat and helped save me. “Carlisle, I think Izzy has already had quite an exciting day and is probably ready to get home.”

Carlisle smiled apologetically. “Ah yes, my apologies, Izzy. I’m sure we will have more opportunities to talk later.” I could still see the amusem*nt in his eyes.

He turned his attention to the x-rays illuminated on the wall nearest me. “You were pretty lucky, all things considered. Only a few scuffs and bruises.”

“How are you feeling?” He asked, turning back to me with an analytical gaze.

I shrugged, thankful to talk about anything other than the dance. “Headache but no worse for wear. I’m just lucky Edward was there to knock me out of the way.”

Carlisle shared a look with his son, something unsaid going on between the two of them, but it only lasted a moment.

“Very much so,” he agreed.

“You’ll need some rest, but someone should check up on you periodically when you sleep,” he instructed. “If you feel dizzy or have any changes in your vision, you should go to the hospital right away.” He scribbled a couple things on his chart.

“It was lovely meeting you, Izzy,” he said before walking over to Tyler.

“Now you, sir, are a different case altogether…”

…

Edward walked me out into the hall.

“The whole school is in the waiting room,” he warned me.

I groaned in return. “Don’t they have something better to do?”

“No, not really.” He gave me a crooked smile. “Small town and all.”

I was not looking forward to everyone’s attention. I glanced up at him. He was standing closer to me than usual–protective maybe? Strange since I remembered Edward being cold to Bella after the accident in the books. Although, she had confronted him about his secret at the time. I didn’t need to–I already knew.

“I wanted to thank you,” I started, looking up into his eyes. “You really did save me.”

He held my gaze for a long moment before he reached out and just barely rubbed his thumb over the scrape on my temple. His touch was cold and soothed the ache. I hadn’t had an opportunity to check a mirror and see what the damage was.

I suddenly realized I hadn’t even considered the fact that I might have been bleeding. I quickly covered my forehead with my hand as if it might somehow help. “Sorry!”

Edward’s eyebrows knitted together. “Why would you apologize for being hurt?”

I didn’t know what to say. Just then the double doors at the end of the hall opened to reveal a familiar face.

“Charlie!”

Charlie walked over to us with long strides and took me in his arms.

“God, kiddo, are you accident prone or what?” He planted a kiss on top of my head and I laughed.

“I mean, I try to go through every day as peacefully as possible. I think fate is against me,” I joked and tried to squirm out of his arms.

Edward was no longer hovering quite as close–now a respectable distance away from me that a father wouldn’t question. I eyed him curiously. Was he aware of it? Or was it subconscious?

“Chief Swan,” Edward introduced himself. “I’m Edward Cullen”.

Charlie released me to take his hand and clap his shoulder with the other. “I can’t thank you enough. I hear I have you to thank for saving my daughter.”

“I’m just glad I was able to push Izzy out of the way in time,” Edward said, his voice clipped with a serious edge. “It could have been much worse.”

Charlie gave me a strange look. “Izzy?” I had never used that name around him before.

“Yes, yes, but I’m fine!” I said cutting in between them. I needed to get these two separated. I wasn’t quite the same person around them and didn’t need them to compare notes.

“And I have a date with my bed and a bottle of Tylenol so let’s get going.” I pulled on Charlie’s arm, leading him back to the doors.

“I’ll see you later,” I called to Edward over my shoulder as I basically pushed Charlie through the doors.

Chapter 9: Girl's Choice

Chapter Text

I wasn’t totally surprised when I arrived at school the next day to find everyone still buzzing from yesterday’s incident.

I was approached by people I didn’t even know to ask me how I was doing and wanting to know if I had any epic battle scars to show off from the crash. For some reason, half the school was under the impression I lost an arm in the accident. Not sure how that happened since most were there to witness it themselves.

“Izzy!” Jess nearly knocked me over with the force of her hug. “Oh my god, you still have both of your arms–I’m so happy!” She cried out grabbing hold of each hand just to make sure they were still attached.

Lauren scoffed. “Jess, you were there. I don’t know why everyone’s making such a big deal about this.”

She was clearly not happy to have everyone’s attention directed back at me again. I think she also held me personally responsible for the vilification of Tyler. Some people were saying he’d tried to run over me and Edward as revenge for not going to the dance with him. Since Lauren was going with Tyler to the dance, it painted her as his second pick—something she was none to happy about. Small towns loved their gossip.

“There were too many people around to see how badly she was hurt,” Jess dismissed quickly before turning back to me.

“But how romantic! Edward literally saved the day like Prince Charming. You're so lucky,” she sighed wistfully, sinking into her desk.

She pitifully draped her hand across her head in a “woe as me” kind of way. “Where’s my prince?”

I laughed at her theatrics. Edward probably thought he was anything but Prince Charming. But on the subject of romance…

“Maybe he’s been right in front of you all along,” I suggested with a knowing smile. I had almost forgotten about my mission of pairing Jessica and Eric together for the dance. It was girl’s choice and as far as I was aware, Eric wasn’t going with anyone yet.

Jessica blushed and looked away, fiddling with the book on her desk. “I don’t know…” she said with more shyness than I thought she was capable of. “Mike’s been distant lately.”

“Oh, Jessica,” I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulders with a disapproving shake of my head. “I’m not talking about Mike.”

“He can be sweet and he’s a decent friend, but he’s dense and just about as romantically capable as a sack of potatoes.”

Lauren snorted in her attempt not to laugh. After all, she still hated me, and laughing at my jokes would indicate she found me slightly tolerable.

Jessica looked back at me shocked. “If not Mike…?”

I rolled my eyes dramatically. “Eric, Jess. Ask Eric.”

Her brows knitted together in confusion. “Eric?”

“Why not? Eric is nice, he always saves you a seat at lunch when Mike forgets to, and he’s probably the only guy in school that likes to talk as much as you do. He’ll give you a run for your money,” I smiled and gave her a friendly nudge. “It also doesn’t hurt that he’s taller than you in heels which is a rarity amongst high school boys.”

I watched as Jessica mentally dusted off the file labeled “Eric” and pulled it out of the “friend” filing cabinet for review.

“Eric…” she said again, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

“Does he really save me a seat at lunch?” She asked, turning back to us.

“Almost every day,” Lauren confirmed.

Although she’d been pretending to review her notes for class, it was clear she was invested in the conversation as well.

Jessica chewed on her lip nervously. “I don’t know guys…”

“It’s just a dance,” I reminded her. “You're not declaring your undying love for him.”

“Remember, we’re supposed to be having fun. You do know how to have fun, don’t you?” Recalling that she had asked me the same thing not too long ago.

Jess smiled with an indignant look and shoved my arm off her. “Of course!”

“Then give me the play by play at lunch,” I challenged.

Jess giggled and shook her head. “Oh god, I’m so nervous!”

“Jess you’re a knockout–if he says no, he’s brain dead,” I said matter-of-factly. “Confidence is key.”

On our way to our next classes, Jess froze in the hall when she saw Eric putting away a text book in his locker.

“Go get ‘em,” I whispered before running ahead to my next class.

….

At lunch, Jess and Eric had matching pink cheeks, and I shot her a smug look. She elbowed me in the ribs but couldn’t help grinning widely. I was happy for her. I didn’t know if she and Eric would end up dating, but I was happy she was going to the dance with someone who clearly liked her. In the original books, Jess had been Mike’s second choice after Bella, and I always felt bad for her because she never knew.

Mike was now the only one at our table without a date since Angela had also asked Ben, a quiet, nerdy guy, that she’d been secretly crushing on since last semester.

Mike was fairly popular, so I’m sure some girls must have asked him by now, but he might have been holding out for Jess. He seemed a little miffed about it; but I wasn’t too concerned. He still had time to accept someone’s invitation before the Spring Dance next Saturday.

The rest of lunch was dominated by the girls as we cemented our plans for a Seattle shopping trip to secure our dresses for the dance.

“Do you guys mind if I invite some other girls to join us?” I asked once we decided to carpool in Angela’s minivan.

“I don’t mind,” Angela said. “My car seats plenty.”

“I guess so,” Jessica agreed a little more hesitantly. “Who’d you have in mind?”

They weren’t going to like this.

“Let’s see if I can get them to agree first,” I said, rising from my seat.

I sent up a silent prayer before approaching Cullen's table.

….

“No,” Rosalie said before the words had finished leaving my mouth.

I internally sighed. Well, I expected that.

“She means we’d love to!” Alice corrected with a slight shrill of excitement. “This is going to be so much fun!”

“I said no!” Rosalie repeated, a deep scowl set on her face.

“Come on, babe, you love shopping,” Emmet coaxed with a wide grin.

She sent him a murderous look. The bickering started to increase in volume causing a few curious glances to shift our way. The boys were all thoroughly amused. I think I caught Jasper stifling a laugh into his hand disguised as a cough.

Eventually, Rosalie stood up from their table and fixed me with a piercing glare. I couldn’t help but flinch.

“Rose,” Edward warned, his voice low, almost a growl.

“You’re all delusional,” she spat. “She-“ she pointed a well manicured finger my way. “-is trouble. Nothing good will come from her being involved with our family.”

I smiled wryly, and leaned back on my heels. “I told Edward the same thing but I don’t think he took me seriously.”

Rosalie huffed in irritation and stormed off. Emmet sighed. “I better go after her.” He took off not a second later.

I didn’t hold Rosalie’s opinion against her. She was right to be weary. Bella–no, I–was going to cause a lot of problems for her family if I kept hanging around. However, I was going to be a little bit selfish this time.

I know we weren’t going to Port Angeles but in the books, Bella’s shopping trip didn’t go very well. I wasn’t going to risk my or the other girl's safety. Having one or two badass vampires in our party wouldn’t hurt our odds.

I felt a cold hand slip into mine and realized Alice got up to stand beside me. “Don’t let Rose bother you. She means well.”

I squeezed her hand lightly and nodded, giving her a reassuring smile.

“I’ll let my friends know we have at least one more for Saturday. I’ll leave Rose up to you.” I knew I was probably the last person Rosalie would want to hang out with, but I also didn’t want to leave her out.

“She’s more than welcome to come,” I added.

Alice nodded before leaving with Jasper. He dipped his head in a friendly farewell before following after her.

“I’m sorry about that,” Edward said as I sat beside him. There was only a few minutes left of lunch. Most people had already begun to leave.

“You didn’t have to, but thank you for including them.” His eyes searched mine but I couldn’t quite tell what he was looking for. He’d been doing that a lot lately.

“Of course,” I said, momentarily transfixed by his gaze. I shook my head slightly to get my thoughts in order.

“I doubt Alice needs an excuse to go shopping,” I said with a smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her wear the same outfit twice.”

“Because she hasn't,” he agreed with an easy laugh. “But you’ve made her day–she’ll talk of nothing else until then.”

“And Rosalie?”

He shrugged as if he didn’t care one way or the other. “If any one can convince her it will be Alice. She can be quite pushy when she wants something.”

“And annoying”, he added and then smirked. I wondered if he knew Alice was still listening in on our conversation.

I stiffened when I made a sudden realization. He glanced over at me curiously but was startled when he caught sight of my expression.

“Izzy, what’s wrong?”

I stared back at him, mortified.

They all had heightened senses as a part of the vampire care package. If they could hear each other across the school…what else could they hear?

I groaned silently to myself. I’d never be able to use the bathroom at school ever again.

“Nothing!” I mutter back at him bitterly. “Let’s get to class.”

With that, I slung my bag across my back and stormed off to Biology, a very confused vampire trailing in my wake.

Chapter 10: Seattle

Chapter Text

When it was Rosalie that pulled up in front of Angela’s house on Saturday morning, we were all too shocked to return Alice’s cheery greeting.

Since Lauren had bowed out last minute, it was just to be the five of us going. As if knowing this beforehand, Alice was already suggesting we take Rosalie’s adorable red sports car she arrived in instead. Honestly, it would have been hilarious to see Rosalie in the back of a minivan, but Angela and Jessica were eager to take a ride in the convertible.

Rosalie didn’t even attempt to disguise her discomfort with the situation—it was clear Alice had forced her to be there. As I slid in beside Angela who took the middle seat, I caught Rosalie’s eyes in the rear view mirror. Her piercing golden eyes fixed me with a viscous scowl. I decided to keep my eyes out the window for the duration of what I’m sure would now be a much shorter drive. Our resident Washington vampires shared a love for grossly ignoring every speeding law known to humankind afterall.

Jessica and Angela were clearly intimidated by Alice and Rosalie and had a hard time keeping conversation going, but thankfully Alice knew exactly when to change topics or what gentle prodding would get one of the girls to ignite in a particularly passionate tirade.

I couldn’t help but smile. Alice had such bright, sparkling energy it was contagious. Even Jessica, who still cast weary glances at the front seats every now and then, was softening up to Alice’s charm over time.

Alice’s latest inquiry into the girls' dates sparked particular jubilance.

“So who are you all taking to the dance,” Alice had asked. “Besides Izzy, who has somehow warmed up my brother’s cold heart.” She placed her hands over her heart dramatically with an amused grin. I had been happy until that point to be a back seat observer to the car’s conversation.

I grumbled, embarrassed. “We’re just going as friends,” I attempted to clarify; although, technically, I had never gotten around to telling Edward that. It was too awkward to bring up, and I chickened out each time I tried.

Rosalie who had also been mostly silent during the trip rolled her eyes with a scoff. “Suuurre.”

“I couldn’t help but notice Eric has a hard time keeping his eyes off you,” Alice continued with a wink in Jess’s direction. A quick diversion, I assumed, before I could let Rosalie’s jabs take root under my skin.

Rosalie and I held each other's eyes for a moment in a silent sort of battle of wills before she had to look back at the road. After all, she needed to continue the charade of being human. While I’m sure Rosalie’s reflexes would keep us from getting into any accidents, the other humans in the car didn’t know that.

Jess blushed but smiled widely. “Does he? I hadn’t noticed.” She sniffed trying to play it off.

It was Angela’s turn to scoff. “Oh please, Jess, you’ve been loving the attention. He’s even been carrying your books between classes!”

Jess shrugged smugly. “Who am I to refuse a little chivalry?”

She then nudged Angela playfully. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed Ben holding your hand at lunch. You two aren’t as sneaky as you think. Especially when you both can’t wipe those stupid grins off your faces.” Angela sheepishly looked down, finding great interest in the strap on her purse.

Ben had been the newest addition to our lunch table since Angela asked him to the dance. I could tell Mike was happy to have a fellow nerd at the table. I sometimes caught a heated debate about Star Wars prequels in the halls when Tyler wasn’t around to tease them.

“What about you two,” I said, directing the conversation back to the front of the car. “You guys going with Jasper and Emmet? Or have one of the Forks boys managed to catch your eye?” I joked.

It’s not like there was much of a competition. Comparing the beauty of their vampire partners to any human left a lot to be desired.

Rosalie actually laughed at that. “Have you seen my boyfriend?” She said with an incredulous look. “That kind of hot doesn’t exist here.”

I wondered if Angela or Jessica would be offended by Rosalie’s comment—they were both going to the dance with local boys after all, but neither of them seemed upset. The Cullens’ otherworldly beauty was just kind of accepted—it was a fact, leaving nothing to be disputed.

Alice giggled and nodded. “Jasper is who I’m meant to be with. I wouldn’t have been happy with anyone else.” Her tone held such indisputable confidence that only could come from someone that knew the future.

“It’s nice that you both found the people you were meant to be with,” Angela said dreamily. “It was like fate that you all came to live together with the Cullens.”

I saw something light in Jessica’s eyes and her lips twitch with an unspoken question. She glanced at me briefly, almost as if asking permission to what I assumed was going to be a personal question. I rolled my eyes and shrugged trying to keep from laughing. I’m sure this was going to be interesting.

“I have to know,” Jess started, curious eyes hungry for an answer as she addressed Alice and Rosalie. “Who made the first move? You or the boys?”

Everyone in Forks knew about the Cullens—that Carlisle and Esme Cullen couldn’t have children of their own so they fostered instead. So while none of them were blood related, it still stirred all kinds of rumors around school when people discovered that most of them happened to be dating each other. I bet Jess had been dying for ages to obtain more details about the situation.

Alice and Rosalie shared a smile, seemingly unbothered by the question. Honestly, with such an unusual fabricated backstory, I’m sure they were used to such curiosity.

“Definitely us girls,” Alice said with a twinkling laugh.

I was the only one in the back seat privy to their backstories. I knew that Rosalie had found Emmet near death when he was mauled by a bear-his striking resemblance to her friend's son is what drove her to carry him to Carlisle and have him turned. Alice saw Jasper and the love they would share long before they actually knew each other-she sought him out and it was history after that.

“The women in our family are pretty strong willed.”

“We know what we like and what we don’t,” Rosalie added, making a point to look directly at me in the rear view mirror.

….

Despite Alice picking out almost the perfect dress for each of us instantly, we still tried on more “just to make sure”. Although, I knew none of us would find anything that suited us better.

Hours later we were all exhausted. I think if Jess walked out with one more dress and said, “I still don’t know”, before changing back to Alice’s original pick, Rosalie might actually kill her. But we all eventually ended up with what Alice initially chose without any casualties.

It was actually nice hanging out as a group. I wasn’t sure it would work but Alice somehow toned down Rosalie’s bitterness. When I had tried on Alice’s dress for me, I was surprised to find Rosalie giving a curt, approving nod. Even she didn’t have anything negative to say about it.

Although, I did try on a couple hideous dresses just to hear Rosalie’s overexaggerated gag. I think she had fun being able to jab at us under the guise of “helping”. Although, a true villain would tell someone something looked great when it didn’t—leaving the embarrassment for the night of the event. I appreciated her candor, even though I think she crossed a line when she told me a blush pink dress made me look like a flamingo with road rash.

Alice had subtly chimed in. “Pink isn’t your color, love.”

….

Eventually, Jess and I convinced the group we were in desperate need for a caffeine refuel, and I knew just the place.

“Sweet, sweet liquid gold,” I said, inhaling the steam off my caramel macchiato, continuing to waft the scent into my face.

The Starbucks had been a bit of a drive from the dress shops, but it was worth it. We had to park a block away, but there were a couple of other boutiques we were able to hit on the walk over for accessories to match our outfits. Of course, Alice knew just what stores would happen to have something we couldn’t leave without. So by the time we got to the Starbucks, we were all weighed down with more bags.

“Careful or you’ll wear it,” Jess teased, sipping on her own frappuccino.

“Don’t ruin my moment,” I murmured. “I’d willingly drown in this stuff right now.”

Angela surprised me by ordering a cappuccino unsweetened. Tough as nails that one. Even I needed sugar. Alice and Rosalie had obviously opted out of ordering anything. Coffee wasn’t “their thing”.

“Do you at least like the smell of coffee?” I had asked curiously, taking another sip of what was my second cup since arriving. I had a hard time believing someone could hate coffee entirely. I was a firm believer that if you said you didn’t like coffee you just hadn’t tried the right kind yet. Afterall, coffee was so versatile.

“I had a relative that hated the taste but loved the smell,” I explained. “I’d buy her these vanilla latte candles every year for Christmas.”

Obviously, vampires couldn’t drink coffee—their bodies were only meant to digest blood after all, but if they could enjoy the scents of things like flowers or nature, coffee might not be any different right?

Rosalie shrugged. “It’s been a while since I’ve drank coffee, so it’s not a particularly nostalgic scent to me.”

Alice nodded in agreement. “I couldn’t even tell you the last time I drank coffee. But it just doesn’t agree with me,” she said with an amused smile as I sighed deeply into my cup.

“I’m thankful I don’t have a sensitivity to it or anything—I’d be devastated,” I said before taking another sip. It was still too hot to drink without burning my tongue but I didn’t care. I had planned on ordering one, no, maybe two more before leaving.

Jess laughed. “You're a bit dramatic about all this.”

“The heart wants what the heart wants, Jess.” I quickly tipped my cup back and downed the last drop. I had thought to inform her that I was almost positive her frozen beverage of choice had no actual espresso in it but decided against it. C'est la vie and all that.

“And who am I to stand in its way?” I licked the crema from my lips with satisfaction.

“On that note…” I continued and made my way to the counter for another cup.

Rosalie turned toward me with unveiled annoyance. “We aren’t going to be here all day, Izzy. Get this one to go!”

I stuck my tongue out at her in a childish way, it was fun teasing her—some time ago, I had an older sister of my own that I would purposely annoy to get a rise out of–as any good younger sibling does. She just rolled her eyes and went to stand.

“Well, I’ll be waiting in the car,” she said with an exasperated sigh.

Angela nodded and collected her bags. “Let’s go ahead and get our stuff to the car,” she agreed and the rest followed suit.

“Don't worry about your bags, love,” Alice called to me as she followed them out. “I’ve got them.” They looked heavier than she weighed. Alice had bought more than anyone.

When Angela tried to help her carry some, Alice simply chided, “I’m stronger than I look.” And then with a knowing smile, holding back a laugh as if she saw something funny added, “if you were to carry any more you’d topple over on the walk.”

Jess had offered to stay with me, to which I was thankful. Originally, Bella had gone dress shopping with Jessica and Angela in Port Angeles and was attacked when isolated from the group. It’s why I wanted Alice and Rosalie with us on this trip despite us being in a different city. I didn’t know if this trip would be the same, but I didn’t want to risk anything bad happening to anyone.

I was confident that Alice and Rosalie were close enough, if anything happened, they’d come to our rescue.

“My god, I really have to pee,” Jess gasped as soon as they left.

“I decided I wouldn’t be the first to break but literally no one peed the entire day! Are you guys robots or something?” She grumbled as she looked around desperately for a bathroom.

I poked her side teasingly. “Since when was going to the bathroom a sign of weakness?” Although, I myself would go an entire 8-hour workday without ever taking a moment to pee so I wasn’t one to talk. Why we had this internal battle against our bladders? I wasn’t sure. Was it just a girl thing?

Jess shrugged, tossing her empty cup away as she made her way to the back of the shop. “Don’t know, don’t care, must pee!” She managed to say as she rushed past me.

I shook my head as I made my way back to the register.

“Long day?” The barista asked while purging the steam wand, anticipating my order.

“You could say that,” I replied with a friendly smile, examining the menu.

“Not the usual?” He asked with a smirk. He had made my previous two drinks.

“No, I think it’s time for a change,” I said thoughtfully with a playful smile. “How about an iced latte for the road.”

“Just one?”

“Oh, if you insist—make it two iced lattes. With vanilla this time.” He nodded and rang me up.

I came around to the side of the counter where the espresso machine was. He began dosing and grinding out the necessary espresso beans for my order. My wallet was sadly barren after today’s excursion, the last of my funds officially gone, but it was worth it. Today really did make me feel like I was back home. Shopping and hanging out with friends. Chatting over cups of coffee. It was nice. I felt…normal.

Strangely enough, the barista himself looked just how I would picture a barista in my time to look. He had his hair pulled back into a messy bun on top of his head, tattoos up and down his arms, and he wore little pins on his apron. Were hipsters a thing in the early 2000s?

I leaned on the bar. “So Nico,” I said, catching his name tag again to make sure I had his name right. “Not that you aren’t totally loyal to Starbucks, but if a girl wanted to try out a couple more coffee shops in the area, which would you recommend?” If you wanted good coffee you ask coffee people after all.

He looked over the espresso machine with a raised eyebrow. “Are you telling me my coffee isn’t good enough for you now?”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Honestly, Nico. Today your coffee saved my life. I’m not sure what I’ll do when I get back home and have to start drinking Folger’s again.”

He inclined his head to the merchandise shelves on the other wall. “Why not grab a bag to take with you? Or will it not be the same without me there to make it?” He gave me a sly smile when he pushed my first drink towards me.

I took the cup and took a sip. God, that’s amazing.

“Hmmm, with skills like these, how do you manage to stay single?”

Maybe I should just live here instead. Forget Forks and destiny or whatever it is that loomed over my head in that city. Unlimited access to Starbucks is a pretty big perk. I think Charlie might kill me though. He’d hunt me down and drag me back for sure. At least until I was 18.

I then noticed the spelling of my name on the side of my cup. ISAYH.

“Just a thought, but it might actually be your inability to spell that’s scaring off the ladies. I’m sorry but what is this supposed to say?” I couldn’t contain my laugh.

“Is-ay-h,” he said, enunciating each part. “That is your name after all.”

“Uh, huh.” I scrutinized the scribble of black sharpie. “What’s with the ‘h’ on the end though?”

“It’s for emphasis,” he answered with a wide smile.

Nico was funny–and cute–and he seemed so familiar. It was strange. I could almost remember myself having this exact same conversation before.

Light caught his eyes for a moment and I stilled. Something was…off. It was that kind of creepy feeling in your stomach when you were anticipating something horrible to happen. But why would I feel that way? I rubbed my eyes.

“Thanks again, Nico.” I took my second cup off the counter when he finished it. “I’m sure you’ll see me again.” My voice had lost its playful, light edge. I found myself wanting to leave...now. Where was Jess? Shouldn’t she be back by now?

I was suddenly aware of how quiet it was in the coffee shop. I glanced around and noticed I was the only customer left. My stomach tightened–I felt that familiar sense of panic starting to creep up.

“I’m sure you will,” a voice whispered in my ear. I spun around but Nico was still behind the counter. A confused look on his face.

“See you later?” He said, as if for the second time.

I nodded quickly and made for the door. What’s going on?

….

I nearly ran over Alice. A small “oof” escaped my lungs as my ribs impacted a small, human-sized stone wall. She caught and steadied me, a slight panic in her eyes.

“Where were you?” She demanded.

“Getting coffee?” I wheezed.

She tilted her head confused. “I couldn’t see you,” she said seriously.

“Clearly,” I grumbled, pressing an iced coffee into what I assumed were fresh bruises, but I caught the meaning behind her words.

She couldn’t see me–meaning I had vanished from her visions of the future. If Alice couldn’t see someone, it usually meant one of two things: I was either dead or there was someone blocking her powers.

I looked back through the glass door of the Starbucks and saw Nico messing with the machine behind the counter. Could he be a shifter? The Quileutes, a Native American tribe in Forks, were the only other supernatural creatures I knew of that could block Alice’s gift.

“Let’s get back,” I said, still unable to shake this sense of trepidation. Alice’s presence was slightly reassuring, but I wasn’t going to risk anything. Safety in numbers after all, right? “Where’s Jess?”

“Literally right where you left me,” Jess said exiting the shop, an irritated scowl on her face. “I wasn’t gone that long. Were you seriously going to ditch me?”

“Sorry, Jess,” I said with an apologetic grimace. “I needed some air.”

“Whatever, let’s just go,” Jess’s stomach made a gurgling noise with a ferocity that almost scared me. She blushed in an irritated sort of way. “So I can die in the privacy of my own bathroom, please. I’ve been trying to deny it but I think I have a sensitivity to milk.”

As we made our way to the others, I nearly tripped over my own feet when I discovered one additional person standing by Rosalie’s car. Edward.

He met my startled eyes. His irises were a deep amber rather than their usual honey. He was idly chatting with Angela and Rosalie, but I could see the tense set to his shoulders. He was on edge. He dragged his eyes away from me back to the others.

I blinked a few times and then looked down at Alice. Her lips were still set in a frown—clearly the gap in her vision bothered her. Afterall, this might have been the first time she ever experienced something like this before.

Someone must have called Edward for him to be here already. But that didn’t explain how he got to us so quickly–it only just happened.

The only conclusion I could come to was that he must have been hanging around the area. Interesting, I thought to myself. Did this mean Alice potentially saw a threat today and Edward was tagging along as backup? Or was he simply being overprotective and wanted to be nearby?

I held up one of my iced coffees to Edward as we approached, still in a daze.

“Latte?” I asked. He took it silently.

Angela smiled at our approach. “I didn’t realize Edward was picking you up, Izzy.”

“Wait, what?!” Jess balked beside me. My omission of such a thing would definitely be considered a betrayal of our friendship.

The only thing was that I hadn’t made any plans. But it looked like others might have made them for me. I kept my eyes on Edward as I spoke. “Sorry, I didn’t think to mention it. It was kind of last minute.”

“I already put your things in my car,” Edward said, giving me a quick smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “Ready to go?”

Chapter 11: Unspoken

Chapter Text

It was quiet for the longest time. I debated on turning on the radio, but filling the cabin of the car with music was acknowledging the awkwardness. So instead, I kept my eyes on the road. I felt Edward stare at me, but I could be patient. He was nearly bursting with questions. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to tell–and I had plenty of questions of my own. I doubted either of us would be willing to ask the obvious ones–ones that could also divulge secrets we closely guarded.

“You aren’t asking any questions,” he said flatly.

“Hmmm,” I replied in acknowledgment, not willing to be the first to start whatever this was. Afterall, I didn’t know what we were supposed to be discussing.

“Why did you go along with it?” He said finally.

I shrugged. “Figured you had a good reason.”

“To lie to your friends?” He asked me incredulously.

I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. He still felt wild–feral. One wrong step and he’d bolt or maybe attack, I wasn’t sure. He reminded me of a cat, wounded and threatened–ready to lash out.

“You’re as much a friend as they are. I trust you.” It was the truth.

That stopped him. His expression softened and his eyes pooled with an unspoken emotion.

“You shouldn’t,” he murmured and then finally looked away.

When he didn’t continue, I figured it was time I asked a question of my own.

“What were you doing in Seattle?”

He kept his eyes trained ahead. I could sense a nervousness to the way his mouth twitched. He was debating on how much to tell me.

“There were some things I needed to check up on here. I didn’t want to intrude on your day out so I didn’t tell you.”

Vague enough. Edward often opted for half truths rather than outright lies–something we were both becoming incredibly adept at. I wondered if I qualified as one of these “things” that needed checking on. Did I want to be?

I could already sense Edward’s interest in me was developing into something more than a casual friendship. What exactly, I wasn’t sure, but a part of me wanted to find out, despite my better judgment.

I could only assume that the reason he had me leave with him was because I was still in danger or that he didn’t trust anyone else with my safety. Maybe both. There was no point in asking. It would definitely be one of those things he couldn’t tell me without divulging their secret. So I wouldn’t ask.

But as I looked at him again, I observed his clenched jaw, the scrunch between his eyebrows, and his tight grip on the steering wheel.

“This is unusual.” I finally stated.

He glanced at me, his eyes giving away his curiosity. “What is?”

I angled myself in the passenger’s seat so I could look at him fully. “You’re anxious,” I stated. It wasn’t a question.

“Normally, that’s my signature emotion. Usually, you’re Mr. Cool and Collected,” I said with a small smile.

I recognized his anxiety possibly because I felt that emotion so often myself. I could almost reach out and grab it as though it were a tangible thing. It was the fear of what could have happened. The gnawing, dreadful emotion that snaked itself around your mind and sunk its fangs deep into its recesses. It would coil up, play through every possible situation that could go horribly wrong, torment you with its outcomes, and drag you down into an endless pit of “what ifs”. Poisoning you with the guilt of things that didn’t happen–making you feel responsible for events that didn’t take place. It was a toxic mindset.

Today, I vanished from Alice’s visions, and in that moment Edward had no idea if I was dead or alive. Even though I sat next to him, perfectly unharmed, his mind was still reeling. What if I had died? What if I was injured and he wasn’t able to get to me in time? What will happen if something like this happens again?

I placed a hand on his shoulder. A light but firm touch meant to reinforce my words. “I’m fine.”

“I’m here with you now and I’m fine.” I often wish I had someone to tell me the same thing.

His heavy gaze fell on me again a mixture of emotions dancing across his face. Pain? Relief? Wonder?

“You never react the way I think you will.” His lips spread into a reluctant smile. “I’m growing to like that about you.”

He took my hand in his for a moment, examined it as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world, then brought it to lips slowly. He gave me time to pull away, but I didn’t. He kissed the back of my hand softly. I felt his cool breath across my skin and felt my body grow warm in response.

I wasn’t quite sure what to say. What to make of…whatever that was. He placed my hand back in my own lap but didn’t let go.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” His voice was a hum I felt within my own chest.

“Kiss my hand?” I asked because I still was trying to figure out what was going on in his head.

“Touch you,” he replied, looking at me with a new kind of expression I didn’t recognize. “You're able to touch me so effortlessly. I want the same.”

I think I stopped breathing at some point because my next breath was audibly, and embarrassingly, louder.

“Edward,” I said after a moment. “I-I can’t be honest.” I said, giving him a long look. “With anyone. Not truly. Not ever.”

His thumb traced small circles on the back of my hand. “I know.” He said after a moment.

I wasn’t surprised by his admission. I wasn’t sure what he knew, but we both were aware the other was hiding something. It’s why he never confronted me about the car accident—we both knew he was nowhere near me when it happened. We both knew what his hand did to the side of Tyler’s van. A normal person would ask. A normal person would be afraid. I was not normal.

He knew I knew something just as much as I knew he knew something about me. But neither of us could ask without divulging our own secrets. But there was solidarity in knowing. Because we didn’t have to pretend we were normal. We could be as much of ourselves as we could be around the other without need for explanation. We recognized the “otherness” about each other and accepted it.

Edward was probably the only person in this world I could be myself around. I blinked a couple times to clear my eyes as a few tears threatened to spill over. When did Edward become so important to me?

“It’s not fair—to you. I’m messed up. More than you could possibly imagine, and there are parts me of me I don’t think I’ll ever be able to share.” I could feel the strain of emotion in my voice.

I never planned to say these words out loud, but now that I had, I felt crushed by the weight of it. Knowing I’d never be able to truly open up to anyone and share the whole truth—never open up to Edward—it hurt. I didn’t want to have to carry this on my own but my secrets were too much of a burden for anyone else to carry.

My knowledge of the future would be the easiest thing for them to believe. It was something familiar and very much like the experience of one of their own. But reincarnation? Awaking in someone else’s body with the memories of a past life? Time travel? Living out the events of a fictional story? Telling them that they were all characters in a book?

Edward was sweet. He’d want to believe me. But even I knew how crazy it sounded—how impossible. I wouldn’t want to see that in his eyes—the doubt or the pity. No, I would take this knowledge to my grave. While I desperately wanted someone to know, more than anything I didn’t want to be alone. What I knew—what was in my head—could isolate me. I couldn’t bear that. I would break.

“You don’t have to tell me if you can’t, Izzy,” he said, releasing my hand to delicately brush a tear from my cheek. When did I start crying?

“And I won’t ask you to.” I held on to his hand and kept it pushed against my cheek. His cold skin soothing against my own.

I didn’t realize how much of a relief it would be to hear those words from someone. It had been unspoken between us, but to hear it out loud seemed to ease some kind of inner ache. I needed someone to say that. I needed to know it was okay—that I didn’t have to carry this guilt for not being able to give my whole self to others.

I felt a sob building in my chest. I didn’t want to cry here, in front of him. So I took a deep ragged breath, wiped my eyes on my sleeve, and took his hand with both of mine and kept it on my lap. I squeezed his hand slightly—I needed it in that moment to ground me. His hand was smooth and strong, but not so much like that of a sculpture as I had thought because it curved around my own and squeezed back.

“I also have things I can’t say,” he said slowly knowing I would understand that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to. Even for vampires, there were laws in place that dictated what they were allowed to do. There weren’t many, but telling humans about their immortal life was one of them.

“But know that I will never lie to you, Izzy. Never.”

He let out a deep breath, taking his free hand to run his fingers through his hair in a kind of frustrated gesture. Tiptoeing around the truth, the things we couldn’t say, was getting increasingly difficult.

“I trust you.” He continued. “I never dreamed I’d be able to confide in anyone outside my family, but I don’t feel that way any more. Not with you.”

“I feel the same,” I said, my heart swelling with affection. “You mean a lot to me, Edward.”

I couldn’t express in words how happy it made me to know I meant as much to him as he meant to me. That he liked me as I was, as Izzy, and not just Bella. It made me feel like I really did have a place in this world.

I suddenly felt a little awkward realizing how heavy the conversation had become. It was almost as if we were processing our love for one another. I felt the need to change the topic quickly.

“So,” I said, clearing my voice.

“There’s a beach trip tomorrow that I know you're just dying to go on.” I sniffed and smiled at him. Jess had been chatting about it most of the day today while we tried on dresses. It was last minute, but the weather was supposed to be nice and sunny. “You strike me as the type that likes to soak up the sun.”

That crooked grin I'd been growing to love spread across his face. “Ah yes,” he agreed with a mock seriousness. “Was it the tan that gave it away?” His otherworldly, pale complexion a clear contradiction to his words.

He laughed. It was a musical thing that filled the car with warmth. “But I have a hiking trip planned with my brothers tomorrow. It’s an all day affair I'm afraid.”

I could tell that he too was relieved. There had been a wall between us—uncertainty, a carefulness. But it was gone. We didn’t have to pretend that we didn’t know anymore.

“However, I do enjoy swimming,” he mused with a glance back at me. “Maybe we could plan a trip sometime.”

There was a lot to unpack there. Was he asking me on a date? I wondered if it was too late to have that “just friends'' talk I had been meaning to have with him. But maybe I was being presumptuous and assuming things. What if he meant it as a group outing?

“Hmmm, I don’t think my self confidence would recover after seeing Rosalie in a bikini.” Really though, who could survive that? She’s gorgeous. “She might not be your cup of tea but to the rest of us normies she’s practically a goddess.”

“She would have loved to hear you say that,” he assented with a chuckle. “Please don’t feed her ego—it’s large enough.”

He shifted slightly. “But,” he started a little nervously. “I was thinking we could go just the two of us.”

Oh—so it was a date. I blushed and looked down at our intertwined hands. I was probably sending mixed signals of my own. I wasn’t sure what to make of us just yet—I didn’t know if I was ready for that.

Right now, I just liked how things were…as confusing and nondescript as that might be. Could I handle an actual relationship? Edward said he wouldn’t press me for information, but as I grew more comfortable and let more things slip—things that wouldn’t make sense if I were a normal human—he’d eventually have to ask, right? His family would need to know if I were a threat wouldn’t they? Who would he be more loyal to–me or his family? Did I want him to have to choose?

I looked up at him to catch his pensive eyes. He was incredibly adorable when he did things that were so human—such as worrying about being turned down by girl.

“Maybe,” I agreed. “But right now, is it okay if things stay as they are? As friends?”

He seemed to mull this over for a moment. “As long as that’s what you want.”

He then smirked. “I can be incredibly patient, you know,” he said confidently. Vampires had nothing but time after all.

“Uh, huh,” I grinned back at him. “And how long are you willing to wait for me to change my mind? I can be pretty stubborn.”

“For you, Izzy? A lifetime.” And for a vampire? That meant forever.

….

I crawled into bed that night not quite sure of what to make of the day. Things with Edward were now…complicated.

I pulled at my hair in frustration. What was I doing? I had literally never intended to fall for Edward. That wasn’t a part of the plan. No, it wasn’t even an option I had considered. I collapsed on my side and hugged my pillow. This thing was practically an emotional support animal at this point.

I sighed. Okay, let’s put this particular box of confusing feelings to the side. Other things I discovered today—I didn’t totally hate Rosalie. She was full of herself but honestly who could blame her? I’m surprised more vampires weren’t. But then maybe the "veggie" eating, golden eyed vampires weren’t the best sample to base my conjectures off of for the entire species.

And then there was Nico. I didn’t know what to make of him. I swear I’d seen him before. Maybe he’s someone I met in my past life? But how was that even possible? I couldn’t be sure. But there was something off about him too, something ominous. I'm fairly certain he had something to do with the blip in Alice’s vision, which was a high indicator that he was something “other” too.

Going to La Push beach was a plot point in the original book series. Jacob Black should be there. Maybe I could scrounge up some info on shifters when I met him next or maybe see if Nico is a distant cousin or something.

I wondered if Nico was something else entirely—something new. I wasn’t totally sure he was harmless, but I wouldn’t want to alert the Cullens to him only to have him be completely normal, or worse—for them to consider him a threat that needed to be neutralized. I didn’t want that on my conscience.

I closed my eyes. Things were starting to feel so different. Every day, this body felt more like mine. I hardly flinched in the mirror any more. I wonder if I’ll eventually forget what I used to look like? I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

I had to remind myself that I made the decision to move on. I couldn’t keep my head stuck in the past. I wanted a new beginning. But even still, I was saddened at the idea my memories would fade—that I might not be able to recall what my family looked like or what they meant to me. If I one day became a vampire, my human memories would all but disappear.

As if seeking out a sense of comfort to soothe my mind, my thoughts drifted to Edward—the look in his eyes whenever he looked at me, the feeling of his hand pressed against my face, the sensation of his lips against my skin…I buried my face deeper into my pillow.

It was okay for me to like him, right?

I recalled his fluffy, bronze hair and playful grins. The way his eyes soften when he talked about his family. How he always listened to me so intently as if every word that left my lips was so important it needed to be committed to memory. Even his overconfident smirks and exaggerated eye rolls I found endearing. He was patient with me, he let me open up at my own pace, and never expected me to be anything but myself.

Did I ever even stand a chance? He was practically made to fall in love with.

…love.

I shocked myself with the word and felt the blood drain from my body as I realized it.

I was falling in love with Edward Cullen.

Chapter 12: Jake the Dog

Chapter Text

I let the waves wash over my ankles as I sat on the beach, feet buried in a few inches of wet sand. Jess had interrogated me the whole drive here, and I was thankful for a reprieve from her questions.

“No, we didn’t have sex in the back of his Volvo.” I answered her for the third time on the drive. As outlandish as that scenario was, I couldn’t help but laugh. There was no way chaste Edward would ever initiate something so risqué.

Jess gave me a dubious look. “Did you see him yesterday? The way he was looking at you? I swear he was going to be all over you the moment you left.”

Interesting that Jessica saw through his attempt to appear casual but she completely misread it.

“Nothing so exciting, Jess. I promise. We just talked.”

Jess rolled her eyes. “Sure…talked.” She even put air quotes around the word.

“Lay off, Jess,” Angela spoke up. I could tell she was uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. I was happy she was looking out for me. But I honestly found it hilarious. I was more in danger of Edward killing me than him seducing me. Well…I thought about yesterday and a slight blush touched my cheeks. Maybe it's not totally out of the realm of possibility.

Mike looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. He was not excited to be privy to our “girl talk”. Eric was sick and couldn’t come, but Ben was sitting shotgun in Mike’s Jeep. He'd been suspiciously quiet during the drive as well. I imagine it was time for a subject change.

“So, we’re totally all going to see Phantom Menace when it comes out, right?” Jess glared at me for my tactless attempt, but the boys jumped on the opportunity.

…

When we arrived at the beach, we met up with Lauren and Tyler who had driven separately along with a few other kids from school. While sunny, it was still cool outside. I didn’t have any plans on going in the water and had opted to wear a thin jacket over my one piece and a pair of jean shorts over that. My hair was braided down either side of my head in pigtails.

Most everyone divided into groups that wanted to explore the tide pools and those that wanted to surf or wade in the waves. Despite a lot of attempts to persuade me otherwise, I opted to wait on the shore and watch. I wasn’t the best swimmer. I could stay afloat–it’s not like I would drown or anything, but I wouldn’t call my doggy paddling an elegant sight to see. I thought about joining Angela and Eric as they explored the coast, but I honestly didn’t mind a little time to chill. Yesterday was a lot.

So I lounged back in the sand, letting the sun hit my face attempting to absorb any ounce of warmth the chill breeze didn’t try to steal away. It was nice, out here by the ocean, listening to the wind and waves. A tranquility I wasn’t often afforded washed over me.

“Bella?” I blinked my eyes open and had to squint against the harsh light of the sun to make out the face in front of me. The only one that called me Bella was Charlie. In Forks it was either Isabella or Izzy depending on if they ever bothered to ask.

He was young, with a boyish, round face. His eyes were as dark as his hair, which draped freely down the sides of his face and past his shoulders. He wasn’t someone from our group.

I tilted my head in confusion and he grinned widely, showing all of his teeth. “It’s me! Jake!”

While I knew of Jake, this was my first time seeing him in this world. He simply didn’t look anything like I expected. I should have assumed it was him, but how dumb would I have looked if he were one of the other Quileute boys and I misidentified someone Bella was supposed to have known from childhood.

I realized, as Jake’s dad was Billy Black and one of Charlie’s best friends, they probably already knew about my “amnesia”.

“God, sorry, Jake,” I said. “I didn’t recognize you.”

I saw the recognition flash across his face briefly as if he just remembered it himself.

“Oh, that's okay,” he said sheepishly. “I’ve grown a lot since you saw me last.” He offered. I could sense the sadness in him knowing I probably didn’t have any memories of him.

I patted the sand next to me. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to,” I asked with a smile. “Nothing too nefarious I hope.”

He grinned mischievously and plopped down beside me. “Only a little.”

Jake was a few years younger than me and reminded me of my own brother. I think it was in how expressive he was. He wore every emotion, every thought and opinion, clearly on his face. It gave him a very honest presence. I imagine he had a hard time getting anything past his dad. He struck me as the kind of kid that would snicker through half-baked lies and excuses.

He was a warm presence and one I found myself enjoying. He was easy to be around. He wasn’t as tactful as Edward or Charlie who knew there were things I didn’t want to talk about. And he would often bring up the past he and Bella shared. I got the feeling he was hoping it would jog something in my memory. But I didn’t mind. I smiled warmly at his stories–he was quite the animated storyteller.

“So…you really can’t remember any of that?” He asked finally, I could see a slight hurt on his face.

“It’s not your fault Jake,” I said reassuringly. “I wish I could remember our adventures together,” I added wistfully. “They sounded exciting!”

I bumped my shoulder against his. “But don’t think I forgot you because you weren’t important or anything like that. If any of what you told me had an ounce of truth to it,” I gave him a side long look with a smirk—some of the details had seemed a bit too outlandish, particularly some daring feats on his end. He ducked his head with a blush on his cheeks as if to confirm my suspicions. “Then I know you were a good friend.”

I gave him a warm smile. “A friend I'd still like to have, if you’re willing. I might be a little different but I like to think I can still be fun to hang around.”

His smile was broad and bright as he nodded his head vigorously. “I’d like that.”

Based on the events of the original book, I knew I’d have to be careful not to lead Jacob on in any way. I didn’t need a love triangle in my life. Looking at him now, I was absolutely sure I had zero attraction for him. He was a loveable little brother and nothing more. So long as I didn’t pop out any hybrid babies, he should be safe to be around.

I mentally gagged. The imprinting thing was still so weird. It made me so uncomfortable when Jacob had imprinted on Edward’s and Bella’s daughter. I wonder if Sam and the other older Quileute boys had begun to shift yet. Jake wouldn’t be far behind them–maybe a year or two from now? It happens after the events of the first book.

Thinking of shifters reminded me of what I needed to ask Jacob. “Do you know anyone named Nico?”

He pursed his lips in thought but shook his head. “I don’t think so? No one on the reservation at least.”

“Could he be a distant relative?” I pressed. “I think he lives in Seattle–he works there at least.”

“Why? Who is he?” Jacob asked with a confused expression.

“I’m trying to figure that out myself,” I said quietly.

“Why do you think he’s from the Rez?” He asked but then gave me a cheeky grin. “Did he have my devilish good looks?”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “Not quite, but I couldn’t be sure.”

“Think you could ask around for me? See if anyone knows a Nico in Seattle? He’s probably no older than his 20s and has lots of tattoos.”

Jacob nodded seriously and gave me a salute as if he were accepting a mission. “I’ll do my best, Captain.”

I laughed and started to get up, brushing the sand from my pants. I saw my friends coming back together by a bonfire at the beach.

“It’s Izzy now, by the way,” I told him while extending a hand his way to help him up. “At least to my friends. My parents still call me Bella.”

“Izzy, it is,” he said with a wide grin.

….

We sat around the fire with the others. Jake hadn’t come alone. Some of the other Quileute were there and had already mingled in with the kids from school. I was surprised by how social I had become since my first day here. I was thankful Jess had taken me into her group. Doing all this alone would have sucked. Now, I never had to be alone if I didn’t want to be. There would always be someone I could sit with or call after school that I could hang out with if I needed to get out of my own head for a bit. I valued their friendship. Even Mike, I thought with an amused smile as I watched as he attempted to hit on Leah Clearwater, one of Jake’s friends.

Jake gave me a concerned look when he noticed, asking me silently if he should go intervene. I gave him a so-so hand gesture and laughed when he got up. It was sweet seeing him look out for Leah, but I knew she was someone that could hold her own and probably wouldn't appreciate Jake’s meddling. Leah would become the first female Quileute to shift into a wolf. She was a bit of a spitfire–strong willed and highly opinionated. No one would tell Leah what to do.

Angela scooted closer to me on my other side. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” I said. “How could I miss the show?” I indicated to Mike and Leah where Jacob was just now approaching them with his chest puffed out. This would be good.

“Oh no!” She chuckled between her attempt at concern. “What have you done?”

I couldn’t hear them from here, but you could tell whatever Jake had said had been the wrong thing to say. Leah’s hands flew into the air as she yelled back at him. Mike seemed to be uncomfortable being caught in the middle of it.

Angela and I were attempting to reign in our laughter, when Leah shocked us all, grabbed Mike by the collar, and planted a kiss right on his lips.

“What the–” I started, but then the bonfire erupted into a round of cheers. When the two came up for air, Mike had the dumbest grin on his face and Leah pointedly glared at Jacob with a clear message – don’t tell me what to do.

“Well, that was completely unexpected.” I said, shaking my head.

“That was completely your fault,” Angela corrected. “Just…wow.”

She looked back over to me. “I meant to ask…”

I looked at her curiously, taking a sip of a soda I had snagged from a cooler earlier.

“When we were in Seattle the other day, waiting for you to come back from Starbucks–what happened?”

I raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think something was wrong?” I didn’t mean to sound defensive, but I was surprised she brought it up.

She shrugged nervously, not expecting me to avoid answering. “Well–it’s just Alice kind of freaked out and ran back after you. I thought something happened.”

I took a moment to think. Psychic block wasn’t exactly something I could explain to her. I’d have to fib a little–after all, it would be better if Angela was never brought into the supernatural world of Forks. They had a surprising amount of vampires for somewhere so small.

“I’m not sure why she came back. Maybe she was going to remind me to get Edward a coffee?” I suggested remembering I had conveniently purchased two–blinded by my own gluttony. It made the ruse actually seem more believable when he just showed up like that.

Angela didn’t look totally convinced, but she didn’t press. We sat there for a moment in silence until a thought occurred to me. Was I the only one that noticed something off about Nico? Even Alice and Rosalie didn’t seem to sense anything–at least nothing that warranted rushing us out of the business. They left me there by myself after all with Jess. I don’t think Alice or Rosalie would have done that if they thought he was dangerous.

“Angela, what did you think of Nico.”

“Nico?” She asked. “Who is that?” Her eyes drifted through those gathered as if she forgot someone present.

“Not here,” I said. “The barista at Starbucks.”

Angela thought for a moment, her eyes scrunched as if trying to remember something distant.

“Huh, I’m not sure. Why?” She asked with surprise.

I tried to seem nonchalant. “I don’t know…I just didn’t know if you knew them or not. They seemed familiar–thought since you lived here you might have run into them before.”

Angela nodded. “I know what you mean. They did seem familiar. I thought maybe we’d gone to school or church together at some point.”

She tilted her head thoughtfully. “Although, you just moved here. I’m not sure where we both would have bumped into them before if not school-”

She suddenly blushed and looked back at me. “Oh wait…I thought…

I didn’t understand why she seemed so flustered. “I didn’t realize you were asking because…I thought you and Edward…”

“Angela?” I asked, confused. What was she talking about?

“I thought you liked boys,” she said, more than a little embarrassed having to say it out loud.

I blanched. “I’m sorry, what?”

Angela quickly brought her hands up in an apology. “I’m sorry if I misread you just now, but I thought you were trying to find out more about her since you liked her.”

“Her?” I repeated even more confused.

“Nico?” She said, eyes matching my own confusion. “Nico was the girl at the Starbucks–the barista?”

I shook my head. Where had we crossed wires? “Nico was a boy–with tattoos and the man-bun.”

Angela shook her head. “No, the barista at the café was the blonde girl that made our drinks for us. At least that’s who I thought you were talking about. Did a different barista come in after we left?”

My mind was reeling. What was going on? Nico made every drink we ordered that afternoon–it was the same guy the whole time. “I-I guess so.”

Angela bit her lip and shifted uncomfortably. “You know, I really don’t care one way or the other which…you prefer, you know.”

I smiled at her reassuringly. I’m sure she could see how upset I was–it just wasn’t for the reason she thought. “I know, Angela. No, I was just curious about him that’s all. But apparently you never got a chance to see him anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

I needed to talk with Jess. It would be awkward for me to leave Angela so soon after the misunderstanding, but I couldn’t worry about Angela’s feelings just then. I got up and made my way to where Jess was talking with Lauren.

“Hey Jess, do you have a minute?”

“Yeah, one sec,” she said hopping up. “What’s up?”

“The barista from Starbucks yesterday-” I started after pulling her a little ways away from the group.

“Oh my god, you too!” She signed longingly. “He was a dream boat. Too bad we are both taken right now.”

“I can’t believe I almost forgot about him,” she mused with a playful smile.

I sighed in relief–Angela must be confused.

“I had to reel myself in. When our hands touched as I paid for the drink…” she continued wistfully in a mock swoon. “And those muscles..!” She fanned herself theatrically.

“I didn’t think jock was your type though, Izzy?”

“Jock? Jess, he didn’t seem particularly muscular to me.” Nico had been thin and lean.

She scoffed. “You’re joking? The man could poke an eye out with those pecs. I think he was German, he had the cutest accent! You know, I knew a guy once that…”

I wasn’t able to follow the rest of what Jess was saying. I stumbled away from Jess–away from the beach. I think I heard her call my name. Why was it so loud?

I just needed to get away–somewhere quiet–somewhere I could think clearly. I felt my chest tightening. No panic attacks, I told myself. Calm down. You're used to supernatural bullsh*t–this shouldn’t freak you out. But it did.

I had convinced myself he was a shifter. He didn’t seem threatening if I knew what he was. But this wasn’t something I was familiar with. If I didn’t know what he was, I couldn’t be prepared, and if I wasn’t prepared, who knew what could happen.

I was startled when hands closed around my arms. I screamed. Panic told me I was in danger, that I wasn’t safe, that I needed to run. But my eyes focused in on Jacobs' face.

“Izzy, what’s wrong?” He asked. I looked over his shoulder to see my friends staring at us with concern.

“I need to go,” I whispered. “I need to go now.”

Jake nodded. “I can give you a ride.”

He placed his arm around my shoulders and directed me to the parking lot. Leah came running up from behind us.

“Is she on drugs?” She asked with narrowed eyes.

Jake shot her a nasty look. “Shut up, Leah. No, she’s not on drugs.”

Leah shrugged. “Be nice to the one with the driver’s license, Jakey. I just need to know if we should be taking her to a hospital.”

He got me into the back seat, but I had begun to shake so bad he had to help me buckle. It had been a while since my last panic attack. Jake sat next to me the whole way home, holding onto my hand while I trembled and breathed deeply—I just needed get home, somewhere familiar and safe.

….

When I saw the white, chipped paint of Charlie’s house, I threw open my door and stumbled out of the car before Leah had a chance to park.

“Are you crazy or something?!” Leah shouted as she slammed on the break.

I ran into the house. Charlie would be home now so the door wasn’t even locked. I threw it open.

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” Charlie started jokingly until he saw me collapse against the door. I wouldn’t make it to my room.

“Bella, what’s wrong?”

The strangled sob I’d been holding in burst out. I was bawling on the floor of our entryway, unable to regulate my breathing or explain to Charlie what was happening.

The panic, the fear—it was all consuming. As I took in another shaky breath, a sob would rip through my chest, never fully able to give my lungs the air they needed. I was beginning to feel light headed.

“Bella, listen to me.” He said putting his hands on my shoulders. “You need to take long, steady breaths. We can do it together.”

“Breathe in for five seconds and out for five seconds,” he said calmly.

“In-“ he instructed audibly counting while he took in his own breath. “-and out.”

I tried to mimic his breathing. It took me multiple attempts. Whenever I tried, I ended up sputtering before I could make it to five seconds.

I’m not sure how long it took, but with Charlie’s hands on my shoulders keeping me grounded, his firm steady gaze, and his continuous, constant instructions, I somehow managed to steady my breathing.

Once Charlie was satisfied I wouldn’t pass out, he brought me into a tight hug.

“Bella, what happened?” While he tried to disguise the shake of his voice, I could tell I had rattled him.

“You were at the beach right? Did something happen there? Did someone hurt you?”

I shook my head weakly.

“I-I was fine…for most of it. I was having fun. It just kind of came out of nowhere,” I admitted. New tears streamed down my face whenever I attempted to wipe them away.

I felt so weak, so fragile. My mind was my own worst enemy. “Jake and Leah gave me a ride back when they noticed something was wrong.”

Charlie nodded. “They’re good kids.”

We were silent for a moment. The only noise was the chatter of a baseball game coming from the living room and my deep breaths. I wasn’t shaking any more, the hysteria of it had passed. But I felt raw. I had to concentrate on my breathing still to keep it from hitching.

Charlie finally pulled away to look at me—maybe to check to see if I had any visible injuries. After deciding I was okay, he stood and extended a hand to me.

“I’ll make you some tea,” he said. I took his hand but wobbled slightly. He helped me get to the kitchen table where I collapsed into the chair.

Charlie began milling through the cabinets trying to scrounge up a tea bag—he himself was a strict coffee drinker after all. Not a hot tea kind of guy. I imagine someone gifted him some tea at some point or maybe he bought it thinking I’d like some.

“Thank you,” I said after a moment. “You were surprisingly good at that.” I said. Admittedly, Charlie took that way better than I thought he would.

Charlie gruffly shrugged. “I’m a first responder.” He explained. “You never quite know what you're going into so it’s good to know the basics: CPR, some first aid…” he gestured towards me. “Breathing techniques.”

He found a box of tea crammed into the recesses of a cabinet and popped a bag into one of our regular coffee mugs he had heated some water in.

“How do you do it, Charlie?” I asked after another moment, taking the mug from him.

“I know Forks is a small town, but, as a cop, you still see your fair share of the ugly that’s out there—how horrible people can be, the atrocities they can commit.” I explained, my voice a bit raspy. “How do you live your day to day life knowing someone could very well break into the house and kill you while you slept. Or while trying to unlock your car after buying groceries someone won’t randomly come up to stab you and take your money.” Or that some kind of supernatural creature won’t hunt you down and rend your flesh from your bone, I thought darkly.

I bobbed my tea bag in my cup, watching my water muddy as it steeped. “How do you live life without constantly looking over your shoulder? Because those are very real things that can happen. To anybody. Sure it might be one in a million, but you could be that one.” I was that one.

Charlie leaned against the counter looking at me thoughtfully. “I can’t say I don’t, to some degree.”

“Even in small towns like Forks, I get calls. Domestic violence mostly, drug overdoses, drunk and disorderly. I’ve seen people at their worst, their lowest.” He smoothed his mustache down absentmindedly, as if recalling a particular memory. “Desperate people do desperate things—dangerous things. I’m probably more paranoid and protective than most parents because of what I’ve seen.”

He laughed at that. “When you were little and were going to hang out at a friend's house, I’d call the parents of that friend, get an entire list of who’d be there, and then run background checks on all of them before I’d let you go.”

I snorted at that. Very cop. Very Charlie.

“I’ve been threatened countless times,” he shrugged. “Sometimes by drunks other times by people that I know would make good on their promises if given the chance.”

“But I can’t bring that home with me. If I lived each day expecting every shadow to jump out at me, I wouldn’t be able to do my job—hell, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.”

He gave me a knowing look, possibly wondering if that was the very reason I didn’t sleep at night sometimes. Oh how he could only possibly attempt to understand the depth of insanity that plagued me on a daily basis.

“I’m not afraid to die.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and let out a sigh.

I looked up at his face trying to gauge how much of that could be true. Afterall, who’s not afraid of death? The unknown? An end?

As if seeing the question on my face he continued. “Anything could kill me, Bella. I could trip down those stairs right there. I could slip on a patch of ice. Honestly, cholesterol might just do it before anything else.” He chuckled.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die. But it’s coming for me just like it is for anyone else. So why stress about it? If my time comes, it comes. Nothing is going to keep it from happening.”

He gave me a soft smile. “So stop worrying about the when and start enjoying the now. Don’t let your fear of the unknown let you keep from living your life.”

I took a sip of my tea as I absorbed his words. He’s right. I know he is. But how do I just stop worrying? I don’t think it’s something I can just turn off, is it? Charlie doesn’t realize it but I might have attracted a very real, very deadly threat.

“How do I just….stop?” I asked, letting the heat from my mug warm my finger tips. “I don’t think I know how.”

Charlie placed a hand on my shoulder. “One day at a time, kiddo. It’s all anyone can do.”

“But,” he continued, giving me a sidelong look. “It’s okay to ask for help. When you don’t know the answers and it seems like too much for you to handle on your own, you’d be surprised the comfort you’ll find in a friendly ear.”

“It doesn’t have to be me,” he huffed indignantly. “But find someone you can talk to, Bells. Someone you feel like you can share your worries with.”

“Do you have someone?” I asked. “Someone you can confide in?”

Charlie gave an embarrassed shrug. “I have some friends—like Billy Black and Harry Clearwater— colleagues at work too—especially for the stuff that happens on the job.”

He grinned back at me. “Surprised I have a social life?”

I smiled back. “A little bit, yeah.”

I stared into my mug. I should probably tell someone about Nico. I didn’t know everything yet, but it would be stupid to try and figure it out on my own. I had Edward now. Maybe he’d have some insight on the situation. Maybe he and his family already knew something I didn’t.

Just then the phone rang. Charlie went to answer it. I realized a bit guilty that it might be Jake calling to check up on me. I’d put him and Leah through quite a strange ordeal. I’d need to apologize to them.

I watched Charlie’s face tense as we both heard Rene’s voice on the other end of the line. I stilled. Charlie nodded a couple times before saying, “I know Rene. I know. Now's not a good time. Yes, I'll talk with her. Okay. Goodnight.”

As he hung up the receiver he fixed me with a stern look.

“Bella, when was the last time you spoke with your mother?”

I sat up straighter. “It’s…been a while.” I guiltily looked back at my tea and took another sip so I wouldn’t have to meet his eyes. I had been ignoring her emails and calls for a while now.

Charlie sighed. “You can’t keep ignoring her, Bells. She’s your mom—she’s just looking out for you.”

I narrowed my eyes. “She doesn’t want me—not like I am now.” There was some pent up spite leaking into my words. “She’ll always compare me to how I used to be. I can never make her happy, Charlie.”

He shook his head in defeat. “I know you two have a lot to work through, but you can’t just cut her out of your life. That’s not fair.”

Ha—fair? Nothing about this situation was fair.

“How do you think I feel?” I asked accusingly. “This whole thing,” I gestured broadly. “Is messed up.”

“I don’t remember her. I don't remember you,” he flinched and I felt a pang of guilt but he needed to hear this. “I’m not the same Bella you guys raised. I’m different.”

I got up from the table and went to take his hand. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t be a family still.”

“You accepted me as I was,” I said, my tone softening. “You were willing to get to know the new me. You love me regardless of what I can or can’t remember.”

I choked on my own tears for a moment. This was so much to go through at one time. Rene had impeccable timing. I was still recovering from my last emotional rollercoaster and I still felt so frayed.

“And I can’t thank you enough for that and what it has meant to me—how it’s helped me cope with all this.”

His mustache quivered slightly, I could see the strain on his bushy eyebrows. It must be hard for him to be stuck between Rene and I.

“But Rene isn’t like that, Charlie, and you know it. She can’t even look me in the eyes.”

“She just misses you, Bells,” he sighed. “She misses what you had—how close the two of you used to be. You were her best friend.” He squeezed my hand. “Give her time. She’ll come around. But don’t cut her out like this—you have to give her something.”

I thought about it for a moment. Being around Rene was uncomfortable but not…unmanageable. For Charlie, I could be more amiable.

“I’ll try,” I assented.

That seemed to placate him for the time being.

“You want anything to eat? I have some leftover fish fry from the Clearwaters.”

I shook my head, my stomach was twisted into so many knots. I doubted I could keep anything down.

“I’ll find something in the fridge if I get hungry but right now, I just need to sleep.”

I slowly made my way up to my room.

“Could you call Jake for me and explain that I’m okay now? I probably freaked him and Leah out.” I’d also have to confront my friends tomorrow but I didn’t have the energy for all that tonight.

“Of course,” Charlie said.

“You know I love you, Bells,” Charlie called from the bottom of the stairs. “And I’m happy you’re here.”

I smiled at him. “Me too.”

Chapter 13: The Window

Chapter Text

As I closed the door behind me and listened as Charlie went back to the sofa to continue watching the game, I slumped against the door.

For a time, I just stared at my ceiling, eyes tracing the cracks that had formed over time as the house settled. Old yellowed blotches where leaks had formed and been patched. But I couldn’t ignore thinking about it forever. I took in a deep breath, the rush of air feeling sharp against my lungs.

I was home, and I was as safe as I could be. I knew that these four walls couldn’t save me from anything supernatural, but the familiarity of them brought me a certain measure of comfort.

I felt exhausted and my eyes drifted to my bed longingly. But I knew I wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. As much as I tried, I couldn’t ignore the issue at hand. How lovely it would be to have the ability to compartmentalize my fear, my anxiety, and panic instead of letting it blow up like it does. But I didn’t have a healthy or natural way to deal with it—but with all of that sufficiently drained away at the moment, it let me dissect the situation with a less encumbered mind.

So, I asked myself, what was Nico?

His powers were definitely something I’d never heard of before. However, a vampire from the original book series did feature a particular power of illusion. Was it something similar?

He appeared as different things to different people. To me he was a hipster barista. To Angela, some blonde girl. And Jess? A muscular German guy. But they weren’t just random people. Something else I noted was how familiar Nico had felt. Angela and Jess had alluded to a similar feeling. Was it an illusion? Were we seeing people we had met before?

But if Nico was a vampire, Alice and Rosalie would have known, right? Even if he was a shifter or something other, their heightened senses would have told them that he was something else…wouldn’t it? It was honestly terrifying to think that there was a supernatural being that could go totally undetected.

A desperate google search had turned up some options, their credibility still to be determined. Shapeshifting wasn’t something exclusive to werewolves or even some depictions of vampires. Almost every culture seemed to have a shape changer—something capable of mimicking human form. The Kitsune of Japan or the Selkie of Scotland. Even some Greek gods could change their form—besides for the use of wooing an unsuspecting human into their sexcapades, the god Proteus was particularly known for taking different appearances.

How deep down the supernatural rabbit hole would I be going down in this new world of mine? To think that vampires could be the mere beginning of what’s out there.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, what if Nico was actually human? Someone like me with latent abilities. Imagine if a human with a gift that strong was turned. The scope of their ability would be insane. Becoming a vampire tended to enhance any abilities the human had in their mortal life.

I jumped when something clacked against my window. I crept toward my window slowly and peered outside. Evil doesn’t knock right?

I let out a sigh of relief to see Edward standing outside. It wasn’t totally unexpected. I imagined Alice was already keeping tabs on my future and my episode today wouldn’t go unnoticed.

As I looked at him through the pane of glass, I thought about what Charlie had said—confiding in someone. Edward and I had just begun to trust each other. Was it too soon to start sifting through the supernatural together? I opened my window with a bit of difficulty.

“I have a front door you know,” I called down, leaning against the windowsill.

“What? Don’t want the police chief asking why you're visiting his daughter past visiting hours?” I teased.

Edward smirked from where he was, as he tossed an acorn at me. I ducked—“Hey!” I began to protest and before I knew it, he was inches from my face, perched expertly in my window.

A startled scream almost escaped my lips but he covered my mouth with his hand, an amused expression on his face. His golden eyes were playful. I guess the gloves were off–he must have decided he was throwing caution to the wind, no more pretending. I think he enjoyed the fact that he knew he could be more like himself in front of me.

I rolled my eyes and swatted his hand away. “A warning would have been nice,” I hissed.

Edward elegantly came out of his crouch to sit in the sill. His eyes wandered my room with interest—I worried he might try to find something there that would give him insight about me. I had a mini heart attack as I too looked around my room wondering what kind of state I had left it in. Thankfully I had thrown all my clothes in the wash earlier that morning and most of my undergarments would still be in the dryer–probably a wrinkled heap by now but still out of sight. My room was a mess but I didn’t care about that too much. Hell, it’s not like I knew I was having company.

He wouldn’t find too many things in my room that would divulge any of my secrets. I didn’t write anything down about my past, theories of the future, or scribbles of things that I missed from my lifetime before. With my mental health always in question, it was never outside the realm of possibility that Charlie, or more likely Rene would sift through my things to find evidence of my insanity.

No, everything was kept locked up tight within the walls of my mind. And thanks to Bella’s particular gift, it was safe from any prying of the supernatural. Unless, of course, someone had the gift of compulsion—forcing me to divulge my own secrets against my will. I’m not quite sure how my “shield” worked or what its limitations were. Or even what kind of vampiric gifts were out there that might be able to negate my own ability.

So, I wasn’t too worried about Edward finding anything revealing.

“So what brings you to my window, Edward?”

Strange, saying his name now seemed to feel more personal than it had before. Maybe it was because of the drive from Seattle and how intimate our conversation had become yesterday. I suddenly felt self conscious.

He gave me a comforting smile. “Someone in Biology once told me they don’t like to be alone.” I was struck that he remembered that. “Thought you could use a distraction.”

In my last life, I took it for granted how nice it was to have people around me that understood me. Edward’s sincerity, his concern, his friendship—it melted my heart. I wouldn’t be able to have many people in this life that would be able to know me as well as I’d like. It was such a comfort to know that I had at least one.

“B-but why the window?” I asked again, attempting to get my emotions in check.

“Well, I didn’t think you’d be so inclined to jump out so I went ahead and took the initiative.” The crooked grin he gave me nearly took my breath away. Would I ever get used to that?

“Doors, Edward. We have doors,” I reminded him in an exasperated voice without much force behind it. Be still heart, I told myself. Beat any louder and it’ll attract every vampire within city limits.

He shrugged and shot me a smug look that confirmed he too was keenly aware of what my heart was doing. I shoved his shoulder playfully. Hard enough, though, that it might have thrown him out the window if he’d been human—which he wasn’t.

I was surprised though when he caught my arm and brought me closer to his chest. He looked up at me, studying my face. While always so intense, his eyes were touched with a softness I only ever saw when he looked at me.

I knew my own eyes would still be red and swollen, tears staining my cheeks. I probably looked like a mess. I pulled to turn away in my moment of embarrassment but he gently pulled me back to him.

“Izzy,” he said softly. He reached a hand to cradle my face, his thumb rubbing over my warm cheek. I leaned into his cool touch. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

I never would have thought that Edward would make me so relaxed, so welcomed, so at home. He used to not make me feel this way. When did it start?

Our conversations before class in biology were such a reprieve. Often, our talks carried on to the walk to my next class. I found myself dreading when they ended, because I’d have to put the walls back up. Edward would wear a similar disappointed look on his own face, but would always smile, and say “tomorrow”—a promise I began to look forward to.

Edward’s soft voice brought me back to the present. “Do you want to talk about what happened today? Or if you’d like, we don’t have to talk about it at all.”

I watched as he brought a small device out of his pocket, attached two white earbuds.

“I wasn’t quite sure what music you preferred,” he said, fidgeting slightly, betraying his awkwardness in giving me a personal gift–something that exposed a piece of him. “So I figured I’d start with some of my favorites and you could add songs you like to it.”

I flipped it over in my hand, running my thumb over the cool metal and scroll wheel. This was an early version of an iPod.

“Music helps center me sometimes,” he explained, running his hand through his hair while he judged my reaction. “I can’t always be around to distract you when things get too overwhelming. I thought this might help.”

It was such a thoughtful gift, I was at a loss for words. So instead, I nodded mutely scared I’d start crying again. I imagined Edward could sense what I couldn’t say since he relaxed and smiled at my response. I placed the iPod in the back of my shorts so I could free my hands–when I was nervous I became an animated speaker and tended to use my hands to convey my emotions.

I knew I should talk to Edward and that he’d be the best person to tell about my most recent supernatural problem. But in that moment as I got ready to explain the situation about Nico, and I looked down at him, sitting in my windowsill, I was incredibly distracted by a whole different desire.

There were hardly any times I had the advantage of height over Edward—normally he loomed over me. I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by.

“I need to tell you about what happened today.” I took a step closer. “But first…” I slowly let my hands come to either side of his face.

Edward sat very still, his eyes alight with a mixture of confusion and curiosity—they lingered on my lips.

“…your hair,” I continued bemused, and I let my hands run through his hair, something I’ll admit I’ve wanted to do for a while now. I bit my tongue to keep from smiling when I noticed a hint of Edward’s disappointment.

Normally, his hair looked so perfect, gently tousled back in an effortless “I woke up like this” kind of look. I’d been dying to mess it up—see if his otherworldly perfection applied to his hair and that no matter how I tried to reposition it, it would just fall back into place.

This was not the case—I was quite amused with myself when I had managed to flatten what volume it had, letting it fall in front of his eyes.

“Are you quite satisfied now?” He asked, holding back a laugh as he collected my hands in his own to keep me from messing it up even further.

A slight blush spread across my cheeks. I had lost myself for a moment. “Sorry,” I muttered but then thought better of it. “Actually, no. Not sorry.”

He laughed out loud this time and stood up, making an effort to fix his hair the way it had been before while also strategically putting his locks out of my reach. “I’ll have you know, only you are allowed to mess with my hair.”

“I’m honored,” I chuckled as I watched his eyes focus on something in my bedroom.

While I knew there was nothing in my room that would give away any of my secrets, I still found myself apprehensive. There were many things about Bella’s room I hadn’t changed, things that weren’t quite me. Like the purple walls and bedspread.

I liked a lot of colors—my favorite often changing. But purple was never one of them. There was also some spiky cacti Rene had sent up to help me feel “at home”. Personally, I wasn’t a fan of them. Blame it on an early traumatic experience at a garden center where an innocent, soft looking succulent traitorously put what felt like hundreds of small, almost invisible thorns into my hand. It took my dad hours with a magnifying glass to get them all out.

This was Bella’s room from a few summers past, so the taste was a bit juvenile but it spoke a lot of who she was. Honestly, I hadn’t been able to change much. It felt like the last thing that was truly hers. Bella’s stamp on this world.

So I kept up her boy band posters and her childhood drawings—scribbles of flowers, some of the more recent ones had attempted shading with charcoal. There were others that depicted her home in Arizona, where I had woken up months ago for the first time in this world, and some of her friends I didn’t recognize but their names were scrawled beneath their portraits. She signed her name on each one as though they were true works of art–a testament to the pride in her work.

Edward paused by the drawings, his fingers lightly tracing over the paper. It made me feel uncomfortable—usually I didn’t feel as though I was putting on a front with Edward, that I could be as close to my authentic self as I could. But right now, with him seeing Bella all throughout the room, I felt like I was lying. But wasn’t I? I wasn’t Bella afterall. I had stolen this life from her.

A fresh wave of guilt wracked through my body. I went to sit on my bed. Edward had made it to the bookshelf, slipping a worn copy of Wuthering Heights from its place, a book that appeared to be one of Bella’s favorites but I had never actually read.

He must have heard the change in my breathing or maybe I had subconsciously made a distressed noise because he was instantly by my side, sitting on the bed. He rested a hand on my back taking my hand in his other.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Have I upset you?”

I shook my head, taking a deep breath. Why did it feel like existing was just so hard. Could I not go ten minutes before experiencing another existential crisis?

“It’s not you,” I said, giving him a small smile.

“It’s just, today has been…a lot.” I placed the heel of my hand into my eyes. Get it together, Izzy.

Edward sat beside me, rubbing small circles into my back. I focused on the strength of his hand in mine, listened to his soft breathing, and his light, calming touch. I took a deep breath.

“It’s fine—I actually have something to talk with you about.” I cleared my throat.

I needed to talk with him about Nico—figure out what Alice or Rosalie might have noticed that day in Seattle. Maybe they already knew what he was. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe Nico was harmless.

“It’s about Seattle,” I started. I watched for a change in him, something that would give away anything, but he was carefully guarded.

“I met someone there. Someone…gifted.” I continued. Recognition flashed in his eyes.

“I’m not sure what to make of them. I don’t know if they are dangerous or not, but I don’t think Alice can see them. I think that’s why Alice couldn’t see me.”

Edward shifted next to me, his arm slipping down my back to wrap around my waist and draw me closer.

“My sisters didn’t see anyone like in the coffee shop,” he stated as if recounting the events in his own mind as if he was there. I could see him mentally go through every face he saw in their mind that day.

“That’s just it,” I swallowed uneasily. “They can appear as anyone, from what I can tell. Even Jess and Angela saw them as different people. None of us saw the same person.”

Edward fixed me with an alarmed expression. “Who was it, Izzy?”

“The barista…Nico.” I said, holding his eyes.

Even for Edward, this would probably come as a shock. Someone who could easily change their appearance? To be undetectable from other supernatural creatures? It was quite a frightening power. What were the extents of such an ability?

A thought suddenly struck me. If Nico could appear as anyone–could he make himself look like Jessica, Charlie…or Edward. I stilled, my body going rigid in Edward’s arms.

“Izzy?” He said, his voice laden with uncertainty.

“Quick.” I turned to him. I could feel a cold chill working its way up my spine. “I need you to answer a question for me.”

Edward nodded, tightening his arm around my waist. I looked into his eyes. This was Edward right? My Edward? How would I know if it wasn’t? What if Nico could copy not only bodies but memories too?

This is what they did in movies wasn’t it? Ask them something only they would know. But what if he’d already seen everything I’d seen–knew what I knew? What about emotions? Could he know how someone would react if asked something that brought up a particularly sensitive topic? I’d have to find out.

“That day in the lunchroom, when we first met, you wanted to kill me then didn’t you?”

Edward almost immediately recoiled as if I had struck him. “How did you…?” He started, the mortification clear on his face.

I let out a deep breath, almost collapsing into his chest. Only Edward would react that way. Even if someone could recreate an image of someone from my memories, I don’t think they would know the depth of Edward’s self loathing and guilt—at least, enough to react so quickly. As if on instinct.

“I’m sorry I brought it up,” I quickly wrapped my arms around him in a hug. “I just needed to make sure it was really you and not them.”

Edward felt tense between my arms. I don’t even think he was bothering to fake breathe any more, afterall vampires didn’t need to breathe–it was simply a habit they brought over from their human lives. He was so still.

I looked up at his face to see his pained expression. “Izzy, know I will never hurt you. I could never do it.”

I nodded my head vigorously, squeezing him tighter. “I know Edward, I know.” But it didn’t look like my words had quite reached him.

His eyes were in a far off place, maybe remembering that first fateful day we met. Or maybe reliving a vision Alice might have seen of him enacting on his instincts that day.

“Look,” I said momentarily, releasing him trying to bring his attention back to me. “I know there are unnatural things in Forks.”

I held his gaze and took his hand wrapping my fingers around his own. I felt his otherworldly skin, hard and cold as stone—a constant reminder Edward was no more a man than I was Bella Swan. People masquerading as something they aren’t. We were so similar, he and I. I would laugh at the irony but now was not the time.

“Does some of it freak me out? Hell yeah. Do I lose sleep over what’s out there sometimes? Most definitely. But you know what?”

I reached up, placing my hand on the back of his neck so I could lower his head down to my level. I rested my forehead against his, our noses brushing against each other. He tensed at our closeness. I might be pushing some boundaries tonight but I needed him to know that I didn’t fear him, that he had my complete trust. My eyes locked onto his.

“I know you’re not one of them,” I said with certainty.

“You're wrong,” he said in a tortured voice. He attempted to pull away but I used all my strength to keep him from turning away. Bless him, he realized this and relented to touch—lest I sprain my wrist trying to adjust the face of a marble statue.

“No, I’m not,” I refuted him firmly. “If you were, I wouldn’t be here right now, and we both know it. The fact that I’m alive and breathing? That’s because you aren’t like those other things out there. You decide what your nature is, Edward. No one else.”

He closed his eyes and slumped forward slightly. “Hmmm…” he murmured. “You seem to know me so well and yet I still can barely begin to comprehend you.”

His eyes opened, a warm pool of honey. “I don’t deserve you.”

“I have my moments of gold,” I stated with a small grin. “But I come with my own set of baggage.”

Edward shrugged at that. “Don’t we all?”

He pulled me into his lap, cradling me against his chest. “Tell me,” he said, his lips against my hair. “Who did you see that day? What did Nico look like to you?”

I leaned my head into his shoulder, I don’t think I have ever felt as content as I did in that moment. It took me a moment to switch my train of thought and remember the pressing issue at hand.

“He was tall, with long black hair that was pulled into a bun. He had tattoos all up his arms. I think he had a Linkin Park pin on his apron,” I said, trying to get a clear image in my mind. Even to me the memory seemed to be becoming unclear. Why couldn’t I remember his face? It had seemed so familiar before.

“Neither Rosalie or Alice saw a man,” he stated. “They saw an older woman, maybe in her mid thirties. She had brown hair that was pulled back into a single braid down her back. Although…”

He was quiet for a moment lost in thought. “Neither could quite make out her face, at least, enough to remember her by.”

He seemed frustrated. Like there was a puzzle he was missing a piece for.

That detail he mentioned struck me. “They saw the same person?” I repeated, confused. “But we all saw different people.”

I felt Edward nod. “Yes, which is why nothing about them seemed suspicious. They were completely normal. They would have sensed if something was off about them.”

I looked up at him, and noticed the firm line of his lips. “Did anything happen with Nico? Did they threaten you?” There was something dangerous behind his words. A hidden threat to do Nico any harm that was promised to me.

“N-no,” I stuttered slightly. “They just…felt off. Something was so familiar about them–I couldn’t put my finger on it. And then suddenly it changed. I didn’t feel safe, like I needed to run away.”

My tongue felt heavy as I recounted the event, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of my neck. “They said they’d be seeing me soon.”

Edward tensed around me. I felt a low growl working its way in his chest.

“Have you ever encountered someone with a similar gift? Could he be like you?”

Edward held me closer. “I haven’t,” he stated and then brought his lips to the top of my head with a kiss. “But I plan to find out what exactly is going on.”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, Izzy.”

Chapter 14: Carpool

Chapter Text

Those were the last words I remembered. I didn’t recall falling asleep, but when my eyes opened again, Edward was gone and the early morning sun was glistening through my window. I collapsed back into bed after realizing it was still much too early to go to school.

I buried my face in my pillow with embarrassment as my thoughts reflected on the previous night.

“I’m a walking contradiction,” I bemoaned.

These teenage hormones were weakening my resolve. Hadn’t I told Edward just yesterday that I wanted to stay friends? And now I’m falling asleep in his arms?

What did I want? I thought to myself as I leaned up in bed absentmindedly brushing my fingers where he had kissed the top of my head. Why were our feelings so…intense? Edward went, what, 100 years not interested in anyone and suddenly the mystery of the human girl whose mind he couldn’t read caused him to fall in love? And what about me? I’ve dated before. I wasn’t new to relationships or feelings. But nothing ever felt like this. While I didn’t like to admit it, I couldn’t deny I had romantic feelings for Edward. But it was more than a physical attraction.

It’s like I’d been missing something inside me this whole time, and he was the piece I didn’t know I needed. And now that I was aware of it, I couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t have Edward in it. I stared at my ceiling, mulling over my own thoughts.

There’s no way this is healthy, I told myself. I considered maybe trying to distance myself from him, but I didn’t want to at the same time–my time with Edward was honestly some of the best I’ve had in this new life. Taking that away felt like a punishment more than anything.

Hell, if this was fate at work, wouldn’t we end up together anyways? This might be one plot point I wouldn’t mind seeing through.

I sighed deeply. Everything else aside, I did feel better knowing Edward was looking into Nico–a mystery that will be much more easily solved now that I had help.

I stayed in the shower that morning long enough that I began to worry I wouldn’t leave Charlie any hot water and then got dressed, pulling a sweater over my outfit. I could already feel the chill of a cold morning creep from my closed window. It should be getting warmer soon but the mornings were still particularly chilly. I topped it off with an oversized, worn denim jacket of Charlie’s I was “borrowing” without much intention of returning unless asked–I had grown quite fond of it.

I paused before leaving my room and then went back to retrieve the iPod Edward had given me. I flipped it over a few times in my hand before slipping it into my jacket pocket, unable to keep the smile from my lips.

I had made a pot of coffee, listening to a collection of Edward’s favorite music which had been surprisingly diverse—a variety from different decades—maybe what he had listened to while living during that time. I enjoyed imagining what Edward’s life had been like as he was listening to these very songs as they first came out.

I had finished two mugs and was spreading peanut butter on the other half of a toasted bagel when Charlie finally made his way downstairs ready for work. He raised an eyebrow suspiciously at me when he saw I was awake and ready for school already.

“Sure you feel up to going to school today? I don’t mind if you take a day off.” He looked at me critically over the bottom of his own coffee cup as he took a long swig. “Especially if you didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Something in me stilled with quiet horror thinking Charlie knew Edward had been in my room last night but I quickly put that thought away. If Charlie knew, he wouldn’t have waited till the morning to confront me—no I’m sure my door would have been kicked down in proper sheriff fashion.

His offer of skipping school was tempting, and I had half a mind to accept, but I also knew I needed to explain what happened to Jess and Angela. “No, I need to go and let my friends know I’m doing alright.”

He nodded and patted my shoulder as he went to leave for the day. Charlie was half way out the door when he halted part way and a familiar voice made me spit my coffee across the table.

“Good morning, Chief Swan.” I could see the top of Edward’s head behind Charlie in the doorway. “I’m here to pick up Izzy.”

I’m sorry, what?! My mind screamed as I scrambled up and over to the door.

“Edward,” Charlie greeted, his voice taking on that gruff, authoritarian tone he only used when on duty—I got it once or twice when calling him at the station when he was late getting home. “I didn’t know you were giving Bella a ride to school.”

I peaked around Charlie and there he was. Today he wore a brown jacket, with a fleeced line collar, a cream colored sweater beneath, and a pair of black jeans. He looked nothing short of a model and completely out of place on Charlie’s front step. Edward’s eyes locked onto mine as soon as I was visible in the doorway, a devilish grin playing on the edges of his lips.

Charlie gave me a scrutinizing look. “Bella?”

Of course he’d want an explanation. I wanted an explanation. My mouth was dry. What was I supposed to say? I was just as shocked as he was. I’m not quite sure what expression my face was making–possibly settling somewhere between panic and irritation. Whatever it was, it must have been an amusing sight to behold because Edward lost his composure slightly while Charlie’s focus was directed on me. He bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“Yes, I thought it was best after yesterday's events,” Edward continued after taking a moment to recollect himself. “I wasn’t sure she should be driving today.”

Sneaky bastard, I thought. I narrowed my eyes at him, attempting to look intimidating behind Charlie’s shoulder. Edward might have mentioned this little plan last night so I wasn’t so unprepared, but something told me he was enjoying catching me off guard.

“Bella didn’t tell me you were at the beach yesterday,” Charlie frowned. In a very dad-like fashion, he had requested a list of everyone I was going with and who I thought would be attending. None of the Cullens had made that list.

“I didn’t, but she texted me to let me know what happened last night,” Edward explained as if that wouldn’t open up a whole other can of worms.

At that, Charlie turned an accusatory glance at me. “I didn’t know you had a phone.”

Because I didn’t, I thought to myself angrily. I co*cked an eyebrow in Edward’s direction. What was he scheming at? I was getting whiplash with the way this conversation was going. What else was I supposed to have done or said?

At that exact moment, the chime of a ring tone filled the entryway. My bag, where I had discarded it on the floor yesterday when I had come barreling into the house, was the source of the music. I quickly grabbed my bag and found a small flip phone inside.

I flipped it open. The caller ID read ALICE. I looked from the phone to Charlie, who’s face had a look of disapproval. I imagined he felt as though I was keeping the phone secret from him.

“Sorry, Charlie,” I said as I closed the phone and silenced the ringer. I knew I didn’t need to answer Alice’s convenient call—it’s intended purpose had been achieved. “I got one when I was in Seattle yesterday and forgot to mention it.”

Charlie shook his head. I could see him connecting all the dots in his head–a new phone that I’m apparently using to text a boy. Then the boy shows up at my door to drive me to school. It was easy to tell where his mind was going.

“Well, I don’t totally disagree with you not driving, but…” he gave Edward a hard look. “I’m not sure how I feel about you driving to school alone with a boy.”

Oh goodness. “Charlie…” I started with a groan but was unable to finish.

At that moment, the back seat window of Edward’s Volvo rolled down, and Alice’s angelic face peaked out.

“Good morning!” She called waving excitedly. “Sorry to interrupt but we’ll need to get going if we’re going to make it to school on time.”

Edward smiled. “That’s my sister Alice. She’ll be riding with us today.”

I saw Charlie work his jaw. He didn’t have any more excuses but I could still tell the whole situation bothered him. He placed his hands in his pants pocket, brushing aside his jacket to purposely expose the gun on his belt. A not so subtle threat.

“Okay then,” he relented unwillingly. “But I trust you won’t go zipping that thing down the roads. It’s still a bit icy out.”

“No worries, Chief Swan. Your daughter is safe with me.”

Charlie huffed in response before turning back to me. He perfectly conveyed “we’re going to talk about this later” without having to say it. I nodded quickly in response, gave him a quick hug, and then darted toward the car, ready to escape this awkward situation.

….

“Someone want to explain what this is all about?” I asked from the front passenger seat as we drove at an appropriately slow speed from my house. I was quite tired of being the last person to know what was going on.

As soon as I got into the car, I felt myself relax, my nerves not quite as on edge. A quick glance over my shoulder confirmed Jasper’s presence next to Alice in the backseat. I assumed it was the touch of his gift that helped me feel at ease. I smiled at the gesture since he probably thought I’d need a bit of help–a normal person, afterall, would feel anxious about stepping into a car full of vampires. Ah, what it would be like to be normal, I thought wryly.

Jasper was always so rigid and looked impossibly uncomfortable every time I saw him–like the collar of his shirt was too tight and he was attempting to keep from readjusting it–a slightly pained expression always on his face. I knew it was from being in close proximity to humans–our blood, his most recent favorite thing to eat. I could only assume both Edward and Alice trusted his self control enough to have him stuck in this small car with me.

“Oh, Izzy!” Alice almost sang in delight. “Now that we are friends, we get to drive to school together. Isn’t that wonderful?”

I glanced at Edward questioningly, but he hadn’t been able to wipe that smug grin from his face since startling me this morning.

“I guess so,” I said, still a bit uncertain. The change of routine was definitely unexpected. I felt some sort of plot had been hatched and was still skeptical of the motivation behind it.

I turned to Alice and gave her a warm smile. Despite my confusion, I was happy for a chance to grow closer to her. Alice had a contagious sort of energy about her that I loved. I found myself drawn to people with large personalities. It was comforting being around people who were so sure of who they were–it was grounding since I, myself, struggled with figuring out who I was or wanted to be on a daily basis.

“Who do I have to thank for the phone?” I hadn’t given buying one much thought since I hardly ever used a phone to text anyone in the first place–It was more so to scroll on social media and watch videos online and the phones of this time didn’t even have much of a screen.

Edward turned his head sheepishly. “I want to be able to get in contact with you quickly if you ever need me.”

“For emergencies,” he clarified.

“I already added all of our numbers in there as well. I’m under your favorites,” Alice chimed in with a triumphant grin.

I went to tell them I could pay them back for the phone. With what money? I wasn’t sure, but the response was automatic and was leaving my lips before I thought twice about it. I was quickly stopped by Alice who knew what I was about to say.

“Hush now,” Alice chided. “If he didn’t buy you one I would have. Besties need to be able to text each other.”

I shared an amused look with Edward. She was so adorably presumptuous.

“Well then, thank you. This was very considerate of you.”

“Your welcome,” Edward and Alice said simultaneously and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Thanks for letting me borrow Alice the other day,” I turned to Jasper, not wanting to leave him out of the conversation. “She was an invaluable asset on our shopping trip.”

A small smile tugged at his lips. “No need to thank me, darlin’. No one can keep Alice from doing what she wants.”

Alice gave him a disapproving look, her lip jutting out in a pout. “Why does everyone make me out to be so spoiled?”

“Because you are,” Edward laughed and Alice made an annoyed tsk sound with her mouth. “Who do you know that gets their way as often as you do?”

“It’s not my fault that I always know what’s best,” she sniffed indignantly.

“So are we really going to school or are you guys saving me from having to face everyone today?” I was already second guessing my decision to go to school today–maybe I should have taken Charlie up on his offer earlier to ditch.

I was so great at dealing with my feelings after all, I thought sarcastically. Why not just push it off another day? Or forever…I watched as the road passed by, amused by intrusive thoughts of throwing myself from the car. What was it called? The call to the void? I think me and my brother looked it up one time on a long road trip—this strange notion, most likely initiated by a strong sense of self preservation, of what might happen to you if you did something crazy, or dangerous that might be life threatening. It turned out more people than I thought experienced it.

Alice’s shrill scream suddenly brought my attention back to the car, at the same time Edward slammed on the brakes. My seatbelt cut painfully across my neck.

“What the hell?” I said angrily but found two of the three vampires glaring back at me instead.

“Why would you do that?” Alice accused, a look of pure horror on her face.

“I’m sorry what?” I asked incredulously.

Edward’s hands were clenched tightly along the wheel, looking at me with equal concern.

“Did I miss something?” I asked, looking between the two. My eyes drifted over to Jasper but he seemed equally confused.

Alice huffed angrily and sat back in her seat. Edward locked the doors. Ohhhhhh…

Alice saw me jumping out of the car. I couldn’t contain the sudden burst of laughter that escaped my lips.

“I don’t see what’s so funny,” Alice muttered.

“Oh god, Alice,” I said, wiping away tears and choking on a suppressed chuckle. “Why would I ever do something like that?”

Alice crossed her arms and slumped angrily in the back seat. “How should I know? I just see what I see. There’s hardly an explanation.”

“Well I’ll apologize for the actions of the ‘other me’ since she’s not here to do it herself,” while I tried to be sincere you could still hear the amusem*nt in my voice.

“Yeah cause she’d be unconscious with half her face smeared on the concrete,” Alice said under her breath. That sobered me up real quick.

I noticed Jasper shifting uneasily in the back seat. The nature of our conversation only made sense if I knew Alice could see possible futures–and that wasn’t exactly public knowledge. None of us were really hiding anything at this point. My knowledge of what they were was an elephant in the room no one had decided to broach yet. It was only a matter of time now until there was a confrontation.

“Everything will come out soon,” I gave Jasper a smile that I meant to be reassuring.

What was the point in putting off the inevitable? Either they’d find out or I’d be forced to tell them anyway. I just worried about what might change when Edward knew what I did—and how that might change our relationship going forward.

I’d have to treat Bella’s future as my own since I couldn’t very well tell them that it was a future intended for someone else—a future based on the decisions she made.

Jasper’s frown only deepened. “Can you read minds?” He asked and I felt the other vampires in the car attentively waiting for my answer. It wasn’t a half bad guess, afterall, they probably had no clue what I was or what I was capable of.

I gave Edward an amused sidelong look. I saw the tension in his jaw—a purposeful avoidance of meeting my eyes. I wondered what things he worried I might have seen if I could actually read his mind?

“Not really. I just know some things,” I said vaguely and relaxed back into my chair. “And those things give me a pretty good idea of what you happen to be thinking right now.”

I could hear the exasperation from the back seat.

….

We did, in fact, go to school, much to my dismay.

“It’s not too late,” I bemoaned into the passenger window with my forehead slumped against the glass. My breath fogging it, obscuring the view of the school. As we got closer and closer to school, my resolve had dwindled.

Alice rolled her eyes. “Izzy, you can’t keep running from all your problems.”

“Says who?” I felt like I could get pretty good at it eventually. Practice makes perfect.

My door was suddenly flung open, and I almost toppled out, caught by my seat belt and partially from Edward, who had grabbed hold of my wrist to steady me.

“Me,” Alice said, bemused as she held my door open. “Now come on.”

I glared at Alice, wondering if I had misjudged her. She wasn’t sweet and innocent, she was the devil in high heels.

Edward’s apologetic eyes didn’t quite meet his lips as they betrayed a crooked grin. The lot of them were out to get me, I huffed to myself as I unbuckled and slid out of the car.

Edward snagged my bag out of my hands before I had a chance to protest. I raised an eyebrow at him and he merely shrugged, but he seemed pleased with the opportunity to carry my stuff so I didn’t say anything. It’s not like I liked carrying around that monstrous bag—who loads down kids with all these heavy books while they are still growing? No wonder so many people developed back problems early in life.

When I caught Jess’ eye in the parking lot, she quickly turned her head and went into the building. Yep, I’d have a lot of making up to do.

“Don’t worry, they will come around,” Alice smiled reassuringly and pulled a knit cap over my head.

“You’ll be cold later,” she answered my confused expression before I had a chance to ask and then trotted off with Jasper in tow.

Being around a psychic all the time would take some getting used to—but the gesture still warmed my heart.

Edward had given my hand a supportive squeeze as his eyes followed Jess' walk into the building.

“She’s hurt that you chose to leave with your other friends last night instead of going to them when you were in distress,” he explained.

It would have looked weird that during a panic attack I left with people, for all they knew, I just met on the beach. Basically I did. I didn’t remember growing up with Jake. Maybe it was because of the books I had read, I felt I already knew them. I knew I could trust them and because of our shared supernatural background, they felt safer to be around in my vulnerable moments.

That wouldn’t change the fact that to my school friends I basically chose these new people over them. I’m sure I upset more than just Jess.

I slipped my hand out of Edward’s and jammed them in my pockets. I still wasn’t sure what we were yet. I wasn’t positive I was ready for what an “us” entailed. Edward didn’t seem offended. He merely adjusted my bag on his arm, and followed beside me as we made our way into school.

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He met my eyes and gave me a brilliant smile in return. It was so strange. Edward wasn’t all what I thought he’d be like. He was so easy to be friends with, and I think a great part of that was our shared secrets. But more than that, he wasn’t quite the Edward I was expecting from the books. That Edward was careful and detached, keeping Bella at arms length sometimes for her own protection. He didn’t trust himself and he didn’t think he deserved her—that he was a monster undeserving of love or redemption.

The Edward beside me, my Edward, I thought with a slight blush as I made the distinction letting my eyes fall to the linoleum floors, was different. He wasn’t putting up boundaries like I expected him to. He wasn’t trying to stay away for my benefit. He wanted to be around me, so he was. I caught his pained expressions from time to time, so I knew my blood was still just as strong for him. But he didn’t seem worried.

When Edward from the books told Bella he’d never hurt her, he said so because if he did, it would destroy him—it was almost a promise to himself as it was to her. But when my Edward said it, it was like it wasn’t even a possibility. That despite his nature and what he was, there was no possible future in which he could hurt me.

With a psychic in the family that wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility. What kind of futures did Alice see for Edward and me? I was almost sure his confidence came from his sister's visions. As we neared my classroom, a thought struck me.

In the books, one of the possible futures Alice saw for Bella was her becoming a vampire. It was probably why Edward was always so careful around Bella—because it was a very real outcome. If the Edward next to me seemed unconcerned about the whole human interacting with a vampire thing, did that mean Alice never saw me becoming one of them?

I lingered in the hall. What did that mean?

Edward nudged me with his elbow bringing my thoughts back to the present. Could he sense the panic in my mind?

“Not still thinking of ditching are we?” He asked, his eyes narrowing as he tried to read my expression.

I leaned into him, suddenly needing the support.

“No, they deserve an explanation,” I assented with a sigh.

He gave me a sympathetic hug before sliding off my backpack and returning it to me.

“If you need anything-“ he started giving me a serious look. He could probably sense something else was troubling me.

I nodded and gave him as much of a smile as I could. “-I’ll let you know”, I finished for him.

As I took my seat, it was obvious that Jess had planned on ignoring me, possibly for the entirety of our junior and senior years.

“Hey, Jess,” I hedged hopefully, but she didn’t respond.

Instead, in a clear attempt to show she was still ignoring me, rummaged through her pencil case and started humming to herself as she carefully arranged a selection of pens, pencils, and erasers on her desk.

I sighed. “I know I left really abruptly yesterday. I’m sorry.”

I heard Lauren scoff in front of me. “We already knew you were a freak, Izzy. No need to apologize, it’s not like you can help it.”

I took a deep breath, willing my self control to hold me back before trusting to open my mouth again. “Come on, Jess, don’t be mad. I was having a random episode and I had to leave.”

Still nothing.

“I had Jake take me home since he’s an old friend. I’ve known him since before I knew how to tie my own shoe laces. He knows the way to my house and I wasn’t in any kind of state to give directions.”

I saw her eyes flick over to me. A good sign if she was willing to acknowledge my presence.

“You could have called,” she said angrily after a moment’s pause.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I went to bed almost as soon as I got home.” I set my pleading eyes on her. “Come on Jess, please forgive me–or at least, stop pretending I don’t exist. Without you talking my ear off, school will be so much more lonely.” Which was true.

Jess’s indifferent mask finally cracked with an irritated smile. “Fine, but my forgiveness comes at a cost.” She was attempting to be coy but I could read her.

“You want to know why Edward drove me to school today?” I guessed.

Her smile widened, that mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “Of course!”

I would bet she’d been burning with curiosity since she saw me arrive at school. “After class,” I agreed with a friendly smile.

It was nice I was able to put things back in place with Jess. While she was judgemental and nosy, she was also sweet as pie and doggedly loyal to her friends…so long as they didn’t upset her. She was complicated. Like me. Like anyone honestly. Each person comes with good and bad mixed in them and those that could learn to love both became fast friends in life.

The teacher, Ms. Martin, tapped a dry erase marker against the board to gather the room’s attention. I realized our names had all been scribbled on the board, each paired with another name–many I didn’t recognize. My eyes trailed down the names until I arrived to mine.

Oh goodness, I thought as I saw the name attached to mine.

“Keeping with tradition, your next assignment for this class will be writing about your experience volunteering-” Ms. Martin was interrupted by unanimous groans across the classroom. She held her hand up to quiet everyone, attempting to hide her smile. I suspected this was the reaction she got every year.

“As you know, you all need a certain amount of service hours in order to graduate. This is one of the opportunities the school provides to ensure you get them, and yes,” she said, fixing her gaze on a student who had raised their hand, “it’s mandatory.”

“You’ve been randomly paired with a senior who will be volunteering with you. They have already selected what company or organization you’ll be working at.” Ms. Martin continued, pointing at the board. “Be sure to connect with them this week so you can start preparing.”

There was a slight buzz around the room as people talked about who they were assigned to, giggles from girls who were probably paired with someone they had a crush on, and then there was me–who was still staring at the board in disbelief. What were the odds out of an entire senior class, I’d be paired with one of the few vampires in school?

My partner was Jasper Hale.

“I’d offer to switch but Jasper kind of scares me,” Jess whispered from her chair. She gave me a sympathetic look. “Tough luck, but maybe this is your karma for ditching me at the beach yesterday.”

I rolled my eyes at her but she wasn’t totally wrong. It was rotten luck. Being paired with Jasper was probably the worst case scenario. Preferably, I’d be paired with a human to save myself from the awkwardness of having to interact with Edward’s family and the possible risk on my health–I wasn’t keen on the idea of becoming a midday snack. Even Emmet or Rosalie, the only other vampires who were pretending to be seniors, would have been safer bets than Jasper.

Would he even really go through with it? Would he conveniently find an excuse to ditch the day of? Honestly, that would be for the best. While Edward and Alice seemed to trust Jasper near me in a group environment, how would he be one-on-one? If I so much as got a scratch on me, wouldn’t that be enough to entice his blood lust? It would be for the Jasper from the books. What about this Jasper?

….

I had managed to apologize to my friends at school for my abrupt exit the day before which most had accepted easily, but there was still a slight uncomfortableness between us–like they weren’t sure how to act around me–that at any moment something might upset me and send me spirling. I couldn't blame them. The best thing that would soothe the tension was pretending everything was fine, so everyone else would be lulled into thinking it was fine…until something happened again. Which I was hoping it wouldn’t. I hated how vulnerable I felt during a panic attack, how debilitating they were. I didn’t want to be so overwhelmed all the time–that a single new piece of information that doesn’t fit could set my mind off in a panic.

Honestly, after theorizing that Alice had not, in fact, seen a vision of me becoming a vampire, I was close to having another one. Because that had heavy implications attached to it. It meant that if I ever was attacked by a vampire, becoming one wouldn’t be an option–it would likely be a fatal encounter. It also implied that Edward and I won’t have a fairy tale ending where we get to live forever as immortal beings. I still wasn’t eager to become a vampire at this point, but it also meant that if Edward and I were together, it would be as human and vampire. I would grow old and I would die–afterwhich Edward would likely commit suicide due to his unhealthy codependancy. It could also mean that Edward and I are temporary. That we aren’t meant to be together. The idea of Edward walking out of my life hurt me more than I cared to admit. But what if it was the other way around? What if I disappeared out of Edward’s life? What if I woke up one day and I was in a different story, a different life just like I appeared in this one?

But I was choosing to focus on simple thoughts right now, to keep the crazy at bay. Like picking chicken tenders out of the line up of questionably sourced cafeteria food thus filling my mind with useless things to keep from thinking about the major, life altering ones. Distractions.

I was in such a mindset, choosing between ranch or honey mustard as my dipping sauce, when Edward approached me, with an easy smile on his face.

“Want to sit with us today? You have to talk with Jasper about your assignment anyways.”

Jess gave me a knowing wink and walked with Angela back to their table. “See you later!” She called after them a bit too enthusiastically.

After telling her about Edward coming to pick me up unannounced this morning, she'd been romanticizing our relationship between each period I caught her in the hall. I’m sure by now in her mind, we were married with four kids, living in a home with a white picket fence.

“So you already knew about that then?” I wasn’t surprised–mind reading had some advantages.

“And you're okay with it? Jasper and I being alone together?”

He fixed me with an amused smirk. “Well, I’d like to think you like me more than my brother, but I will admit, watching you attempt to seduce Jasper would be something to behold.”

“You know what I mean,” I shoved him with my tray of food to force him further up the line. “Is it safe?”

“Hmmmm,” he pondered for a moment as he selected a few other food items and added them to my plate. “Just as safe as getting behind the wheel of a car, I suppose, and you do that almost every day.”

Was he really being so casual about all this? I frowned. “Thousands of people die a day in car related accidents.”

“Exactly.”

I gave him an exasperated sigh. “Edward.”

He turned around and took my tray from me. “Jasper is no more a danger to you than I am.”

There was a certain edge to his words, but he distracted me by trying to pay for my lunch. When I went to protest, he told me, half of it was his anyway.

I gave him a dubious look. “Feeling a bit peckish today are we?”

He took an apple off the tray and took a bite. “I’m always hungry,” he said with an amused gleam in his eyes.

“I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not fond of the alternative.”

He grinned, showing all his teeth before taking another bite–he really was committing to the ruse. I suppose every now and then he needed to “play human” for a bit.

“No, I suppose not. Neither am I, really.” His voice seemed a bit tired.

As we sat down, I gave everyone a timid smile–it still felt as though I were encroaching somewhere I shouldn’t. Rosalie didn’t quite seem as upset by my presence as usual, so I figured it meant we had something of a truce for the time being.

I glanced at Jasper as I peeled back the thin cover off my packet of honey mustard. “So are we actually doing this, or will I be going solo?”

I saw the hesitation in Jasper's eyes but Alice grabbed onto Jasper's arm in delight—as if to reassure the both of us. “Oh don’t worry, Izzy. I’ve gone over that day a hundred different ways and everything goes swimmingly!”

Jasper and I held each other's gaze for a long moment. There shouldn’t be anything to worry about. If Alice was confident and Edward wasn’t trying to stop anything, it meant I was safe right?

I gave Edward one last quizzical look. He merely shrugged, giving nothing away.

“Well then,” I said, turning back to Jasper, genuinely curious what kind of volunteering the vampire had planned for us. “Where are we going?”

“Doesn't anyone else find this a bit ridiculous?” Rosalie interrupted, drawing the conversation to where she sat. Her perfect eyebrows scowled at me. And there went the temporary peace.

“It’s obvious she knows? Why are we dancing around everything?” Honestly, I was surprised I hadn't been blindfolded, gagged, and whisked off to their remote wooded home for interrogation at this point. The day was still young.

I dipped my tender into the honey mustard. “What do I know Rosalie? Would you like to share something?” I messed with her—even though I shouldn’t, even though I was more mature than that, but honestly I was scared. And any tactic to delay the inevitable seemed like a good one right then.

“Come on Izzy,” Emmet leaned forward on the lunch table, folding his hands in front of his chin like this was some kind of business deal. “You know we can’t say it. You kind of need to say it for us–we just can’t be the ones.”

I looked around the table at each of them. I knew they needed to know–that they deserved to know. But was I really ready? My eyes landed on Edward last.

His eyes were curious but not demanding. He wouldn’t force me to say anything I didn’t want to, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t dying to know either.

“Okay,” I said after a long moment. I rolled my shoulders suddenly feeling the tension in them. It would be nice not to dance around so much—I was so tired of dancing.

“So everyone here,” I said using my chicken tender as if it were my finger, pointing at each person sitting at our table. “Is a vampire.”

God it felt good to say it out loud. “Besides me of course,” I added quickly before taking another bite of my food. My stomach still felt a bit queasy not knowing how this conversation would go.

Emmet signed dramatically. “Finally!” I couldn’t help but smile.

“But that’s not all.” Jasper leaned forward, his stern face still scrutinizing. “You somehow know about some of our particular gifts.”

He knew I knew, but I guess they wanted the confirmation. I nodded thoughtfully.

“Some vampires carry over a particularly strong trait from their human lives—it sometimes manifests into a power or gift.”

“Even if you worked out that we are vampires on your own, which is already a stretch,” his eyes pointedly flicked up to Edward. “How could you have possibly known about our gifts?” Jasper continued with narrowed eyes.

I felt my unease rising. I was comfortable with baby steps. Small admissions. I wasn’t quite prepared to hash out everything right here in the middle of the lunchroom. I don’t think any of us would be.

It’s why I had been putting this off for so long. There wasn’t a great place to naturally just break this line of questioning off. One admission led to another question and so forth

“I-I know some things,” I admitted hesitantly.

“And how, Izzy, does a normal human come to know these things,” Rosalie asked, leaning toward me from across the table. Her eyes pinned me down, something predatory in them.

My reaction was almost instinctual, I leaned away from her, something in me needing to put space between us, between me and this conversation. We were nearing territory I wasn’t ready to divulge—couldn’t reveal at this time.

“I never said I was normal.” My voice came out weak and small–not how I intended.

I felt Edward’s hand reach for mine under the table and I took it firmly in my grasp. I took a deep breath, meeting Rosalie’s eyes.

“Let’s make a deal,” I said with more strength than I felt at that moment. I imagined if Edward was made of flesh and bone, I’d probably be on the verge of breaking a couple of his fingers. Instead, I was cutting the circulation off of my own, my fingertips growing numb.

“Accept for now what I’ve told you, and I’ll fill you in on what you need to know over spring break.”

“Why the wait?” It was an honest question. But I still found myself having a hard time answering.

I rocked back in my seat letting my eyes drift to the ceiling as I thought of how to say what I needed. I kept a tight grip on Edward’s hand, wondering what was running through his mind.

“As you can imagine, someone that knows what I do, doesn’t exactly have a normal life.” I finally let my eyes drift back to the table—this is something I’d expect them to understand at the very least. “What I’ve had here recently is about as normal as I think my life will be here. Let me enjoy it for a little longer, cause once I lay my cards on the table…things won’t be the same.”

Rosalie sat back in her seat, I watched her tongue roll over her teeth behind her lips as she considered my words.

“Fine but you better answer all of my questions.”

I nodded my consent. “Everything that I can, but there are some things about myself I might not choose to share—so long as it doesn’t directly affect you all.”

Rosalie thought about this for a moment before she seemed to be satisfied with my terms. “I look forward to our conversation then.”

The bell rang and the clamber of students shuffling out of chairs and collecting their trays startled me slightly. Alice squeezed my shoulder with a sympathetic smile.

“Won’t you know what I have to say before I say it?” I asked Alice wondering if there was even a point in having a conversation that she would clearly see coming.

“Sometimes even I like to be surprised,” Alice had a twinkle in her eye.

“Come on,” Edward said softly into my ear. Our hands were still intertwined. He pulled me away from the table, toward the exit.

“What about class?” I asked. There was no way Charlie wouldn’t hear about it if I skipped.

“What about it?” He gave me a crooked grin. “It’s healthy to ditch every now and then.”

Emmet nodded enthusiastically. “He has a medical degree which practically makes him a doctor–you wouldn’t argue with a doctor would you?”

I rolled my eyes at Emmet. I doubt Charlie would agree; although he did tell me earlier he wouldn’t care if I stayed home from school today. Would he feel the same about me leaving early?

Edward tugged at my hand and I sighed before slinging on my backpack and following him out of the cafeteria. “Why do I feel like you guys always get your way?”

Alice smiled and waved goodbye, tapping a finger to the top of her head knowingly which confused me until Edward led me out the door. We were greeted by a gust of cold wind. I tugged at the knit cap Alice had placed on me earlier that day with a begrudging smile.

“Is this what you were plotting since this morning?” I skipped a long side Edward the spontaneous diversion considerably lifting my mood.

He laughed. “I don’t plot, I plan.” Once we reached the parking lot, he slid my bag off my arm, tossing it into the backseat of his car.

“You’re being sneaky about it–so it’s definitely a plot,” I corrected. “Where are we going anyways?”

“That depends…”

“On?” My eyes slid up to his.

“Do you trust me?” He leaned down and brushed my loose hair from my face, tucking them behind my ear so my eyes would be uninhibited.

“With my afternoon?” I tilted my head to the side in thought. “I guess you could manage that.”

Chapter 15: Spontaneous

Chapter Text

As I stepped out of Edward’s Volvo I was met with a giant complex of concrete that I would recognize in any decade.

“The mall?” I wasn’t quite able to hide my bewilderment as I exited Edward’s Volvo. I’ll admit, I was kind of expecting something else — a hike, a visit to his meadow from the books, maybe even a classical concert or play.

“Disappointed?” He asked with a raised brow.

“No,” I said with a laugh. “Shopping just didn’t seem very Edward.”

He took my hand as we made our way through the parking lot. This time, I didn’t shrug off the display of affection. I could tell my resolve was weakening. I wouldn’t be able to keep saying no to him for much longer. I felt his hand squeeze around mine momentarily as if he realized this too. He wasn’t smiling, per se, but there was somethin smug about his face–a kind of triumphant aura around him. I rolled my eyes, hoping he'd notice how ridiculous I thought he was.

The mall was practically dead during a weekday—most likely an intentional decision. I don’t imagine the Cullens made a habit of going to crowded places often if they could help it.

“I’ll have you know malls have been the American teenager pastime for the last few decades.”

It wouldn’t do me any favors to mention in another twenty years they’d practically be ghost towns–and that neither of us were really teenagers.

We stepped inside and were met with a gust of air as we passed through the sliding glass doors and entered the mall. A few people meandered around the floors of jewelry shops while others were eating hot pretzels, staring at window displays, or browsing through clothing stores with a screaming child in tow.

It had been so long since I’d been in a mall! The nostalgia of it all hit me harder than I expected—a time that seemed so distant now of following my siblings through Claire’s to find matching earrings, ducking into HotTopic to find something we considered “edgy” for the time, and then into GameStop to see what games were discounted that we could pull our money together for.

“What are you thinking about?”

I turned to look at Edward who was staring at me with genuine interest. He was able to read me so well I almost forgot he wasn’t privy to my actual thoughts. I smiled at him, fond memories pulling at my lips.

“About the past. Or is it the future? I'm not actually sure at this point.” My cryptic answer only deepened the furrow of his brow which made me snicker. “Oh, was that not clear enough? My bad.”

“Murky at best, thanks,” he grumbled

He tugged me along into the mall at a brisk stride. My sneakers slapped against the shiny floor as I attempted to keep pace—damn his long legs!

“You know,” I started. “I think the truth will be more confusing than not knowing.” Honestly? I’d rather not know. Going into this blind would have been so much easier. Knowing the future but not knowing how to stop it from happening? Not a very helpful advantage. At best it’s given me anxiety and indigestion.

He looked behind him to give me a playful scowl. “Believe me, nothing can be worse than the not knowing. My mind is going 24/7. There’s not a time I’m not obsessing over the mystery that is Izzy Swan.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy,” I teased.

I’ll admit, I felt a little guilty. I wasn’t intending to cause anyone any trouble. I was just trying to exist the best I could—while not tearing down everything around me in the process.

“Never said it was,” he said with a tired sigh.

“Well you know what they say about curiosity,” I chided.

I pulled on Edward’s arm to slow him down so I could trot in front of him. I dramatically cut across my throat with my hand and then hung my head to the side with an exaggerated gargled noise.

Edward laughed. “What was that supposed to be?”

“Oh, I was the curious cat, and I died. I thought it was pretty self explanatory.”

He scoffed. “I’m not a cat, Izzy and I can’t die that easily.”

I shrugged. “Don’t tempt fate, Edward Cullen. She’s a conniving bitch.”

He laughed again as he took my arm and continued to direct us along a predetermined path. Our destination? Still a mystery. That was until something caught my eye.

I skidded to a stop dragging Edward with me.

“No way!” I squealed happily. I saw the color drain from Edward’s face as he saw what had diverted my attention.

“No,” he said simply but firmly and started walking away, but I dug my heels into the shiny floor which made an awful screech as the rubber from my sneakers dragged across them.

“Oh grow a pair, Cullen,” I growled trying to get him to stop, which was an incredibly hard thing to do when he didn’t want me to. “You're telling me women’s underwear is your kryptonite? Seriously? You're an old man. You should be beyond getting embarrassed by going into a Victoria’s Secret.”

He said nothing and continued his advance away from the pink and black store.

“Look, look, look,” I said, finally getting him to stop, and he set his annoyed eyes on me.

I took a deep breath, preparing my argument–first I’d need to start with the facts.

“I have boobs.” I paused for a moment for added emphasis. “Along with, like, half of the world's population.”

Edward shifted uncomfortably, not even wanting to look at me. “I know you have boobs, Izzy.”

“Aw thanks, I’d be a little offended if you hadn’t noticed them, but that’s not the point,” I continued.

“You know how many of us have the luxury of owning a well-fitting bra? Not many pal, I’ll tell you that. Some societies just forgo the bra altogether and just have tit* out all the time. But because I’d be breaking a number of laws if I did that in America, I’ll fork over the extra bucks to provide my girls with the best alternative available.”

I pointed dramatically over to the Victoria’s Secret. “And that, my friend, happens to be the pent house of bras. You don’t want my boobs to keep living in the slums do you?”

“If I agree to go in there with you, will you stop talking?” He groaned in defeat—he actually looked pained.

I smiled widely and dragged him in, past the posters of Angels modeling various types of lingerie and matching panty sets. My vindictive side was deriving an immense amount of pleasure by subjecting Edward to this.

He honestly couldn’t find a safe place for his eyes to linger so he settled on the side of my head as I rifled through a pile of undies in my size.

“I thought you said you were just getting a bra?” He grumbled.

“No one walks in here without buying underwear too, Edward. You’d know this if you ever bothered to come inside before.”

“And why would I ever have needed to come in here?” He asked aghast.

“Hmmm,” I thought after a moment. “It would be a pretty douche move to pick out a girl's underwear for her. But…”

I picked up a pair of cheeky black undies that were lined with lace. I caught Edward’s head turning away as I looked back at him. “But girls do this to torture boys all the time. I’m honestly surprised this is your first time in one.”

He sighed and shifted uncomfortably. “Never had someone drag me in one before,” he mumbled. “Are you done yet?”

I grinned at him evilly. It was too easy to mess with him.

“You're enjoying this too much,” he huffed but smiled at me nonetheless.

As we excited Victoria’s Secret with my bags in hand and a very smug look on my face, I bumped into Edward’s arm. “So, where are you taking me?”

“Oh so now you want to know? No other detours then?”

“Not unless I feel particularly inspired.” I would make no promises–I could be easily distracted.

He shook his head with amusem*nt as he took my bags from me so my hands were free.

“Now I know why Alice told me to leave early—we would have been late otherwise.”

I followed after him, window shopping as we made our way to the other end of the mall.

“No way!” I said as we approached a familiar-looking kiosk. I ran ahead a bit to read the boards behind the glass.

I turned around excitedly to see Edward’s eyes alight with amusem*nt.

“We’re seeing a movie?” I asked incredulously, scanning the available showtimes. “Which one?”

Edward walked up behind me. I could feel his breath on my ear as he leaned down, sending a tingling sensation down my neck. “Well we could cheat, and I could tell you which one Alice said you’d enjoy the most?”

I nodded eagerly–maybe a bit too eagerly? While nothing was worse than sitting through a boring film, at times I felt so completely overwhelmed by Edward’s presence, I found it hard to think clearly. He had that mesmerizing kind of quality about him. How had Bella described it? Dazzling? Yes, I felt dazzled.

It wasn’t just his physical appearance and his perfectly sculpted features that left my eyes lingering longer than I’d cared to admit. It was the way his voice sounded–how it echoed inside my chest with an ache I’d begun to crave. It was his smell–a mix of cashmere and the woods and something else I couldn’t quite describe. It was the ghost of his touch that I felt along my skin even when he wasn’t around–gentle, intentional touches that flooded my cheeks with heat.

He grinned down at me, and I saw something change in his eyes–a devilish gleam of one solemnly up to no good. Oh no.

“You wouldn’t! You can’t!” I protested, realizing that he could withhold Alice’s vital movie information from me–dooming me to fate and the random chance I’d pick a good movie by happenstance. I actually hadn’t seen any of the ones currently airing so I didn’t have any advantage.

He flicked his tongue over his teeth briefly. “I think I might?”

I stuck my lip out in a pout. “You're going to be this petty? Really?”

Edward shrugged. “Consider it payback.”

I grumbled as I looked at the available movies. “Then I will purposely pick the worst movie that’s out to make sure you suffer. I won’t even risk picking a good one by accident.”

He laughed. “How does making us both suffer help anything?”

“Guess I’m feeling extra petty.” I sniffed indignantly.

And so we bought two tickets to the Ring 2, because despite never seeing it myself, I was almost certain every sequel ever made was trash.

I’d seen my fair share of horror movies and could honestly say I enjoyed most of them. Monster movies were my favorite since they always seemed too far-fetched and had a kind of humorous element to them, even if unintentional. I loved me some B horror movies—ones that made you laugh at how ridiculous they were. Poor writing, bad acting, low budget animation and effects–I lived for them!

I didn’t like the ones that were set in a more realistic universe—something that felt it could really happen. Even the demonic movies made my skin crawl. I wasn’t one to discount anything supernatural, especially now.

As the lights dimmed in the theater I nestled into my seat with satisfaction. There was still something so special about going to see a movie in theaters.

“Have you even seen the first one?” Edward asked.

“Nope, but I doubt I’ll need to. Anything relevant to the story that happened in the first one will be fleshed out again if needed to understand what’s happening.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Something feels inherently wrong about watching a sequel before its predecessor.”

“Hey, this is on you. You could have told me which was the best movie to watch but you decided to be difficult.”

“Oh, I’m the difficult one? Interesting–I never thought about it that way.”

I took a piece of popcorn off the top of the bag and flicked it at his face. I’m not sure why I expected otherwise, but he caught it effortlessly between his fingers and then flicked it back at me, to which it hit squarely between my eyes.

“Hey!”

He laughed, catching my wrist before I was able to toss a handful of popcorn at him.

“You realize this is a losing battle right?”

“I will die admirably with my ship as all good captains do.” I said releasing the handful, allowing it to fall all over our laps.

“You’re impossible,” he sighed, keeping my hand captive with one hand while brushing popcorn off with the other.

I tugged on his hold but he shook his head. “Nope, this is mine now. Spoils of war.” He interlocked our fingers and laid them down on the arm rest between us.

In the darkness of the theater, I peaked over at him again. Today was so strange. I was worrying about what others thought of me, feeling the need to repair the damaged relationships with my classmates—something I initially told myself would never happen but somehow this small group of Forks kids worked their way into my heart. I was finally confronted about my secret by the Cullens, something I’d been dreading for ages. Now I was theorizing about what visions Alice had, and what they might mean for my future here. Not to mention the lurking mystery of Nico who may or may not be a threat to me. If I was ever in need of a distraction, it was today. Maybe Alice tipped him off, maybe he just knew today would be hard based on how this weekend went. Either way I was grateful for Edward.

“Thank you,” I said finally, looking back at the screen before his eyes met mine.

He squeezed my hand gently, and I felt him lean closer. His lips brushed against my ear.

“I’m always here for you, Izzy. Whenever and however you need me. I’ll be here.”

…

I angrily tossed my empty popcorn into the trash can at the back of the theater with more force than was necessary.

“I’m upset,” I grumbled.

“Oh really? I didn’t notice.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ha, ha. Come on though, what did you think?”

He gave me a pointed look. “I’m not sure. With you commentating through the entire thing, I don’t know how anyone could follow the plot.”

I shoved him playfully, but he caught me with his arm, draping it over my shoulder as we walked–his closeness beginning to feel normal.

“I mean, the main character sucked!” I continued, scrunching my face as I recounted the actions of the female lead. “She did nothing but get people killed and was so slow on the uptake it was painful. That freaky thing with the deer? Ya, I’d be out of there so fast. Screw picking things up from the house–that was her queue to get the hell out of town.”

“Oh! And then there was poor Max,” I lamented recalling the side character with minimal screen time I had grown attached to in the film. “I knew he was dead the moment his face was on screen. I should never pick favorites in a horror movie, they almost always die.”

Edward contemplated thoughtfully before replying. “I think she did the best she could with the situation she had. She was only human after all–she was fighting an all powerful supernatural being–it wasn’t a fair playing ground to begin with. The ending was a bit unrealistic though.”

I waved away his last concern. “Horror movies are anything but realistic, that’s to be expected. I don’t mind a happy ending though, even if it is unrealistic for them to survive. Why watch someone struggle from beginning to end only to have them die in the final scene? It’s not satisfying. I want my stories to be an escape from reality, not a reminder of how cruel the world really is.”

If I know things have a bad ending, I generally won’t watch or read them. It’s why I avoided nonfiction–they tend to just be sad and somber, and even if the main character lives, it’s a bittersweet ending that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

“It kills me how stupid people are in these kinds of movies. Who just lets their son wander off at a carnival by himself? I’m totally going to be a helicopter kind of mom–there’s too many crazies in the world to be so trusting.” My uncle growing up was a probation officer so I was only too aware at a young age of the potential dangers out there.

Edward paused before he responded. “You’d be surprised how human it actually is,” he said as we drew closer to the food court. “If you all worried about every possible thing that could kill you, you’d all stay at home in your basem*nt with little foil hats. I think ignorance is a form of self-preservation all of its own.”

“After everything she’d been through, you’d think she'd be a bit more cautious,” I huffed, not willing to give the character the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t just spend the last two hours hating her to redeem her character post-credits.

I felt Edward shift next to me as he prepared to say something. “So you want kids?”

I glanced up at him hesitantly. Oops. I might have opened up a potentially sensitive subject without realizing it.

“I actually don’t know.” I admitted. “I think kids are just kind of expected as a natural progression in life. It’s not like I’ve given it a whole lot of thought.” Before I came to be in this world, I had been completely satisfied with doting on my little nieces and nephews instead of worrying about having some of my own.

Edward stayed quiet, a serious look in his eyes as he kept his gaze ahead. “Of course. Most people desire to have a family of their own someday.” I could hear the reserved tone in his voice.

I knew that of the futures that laid ahead of me, becoming a vampire wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. In which case, after the deed was done, I would be unable to bear any children. It’s something that constantly tormented Rosalie, who like many vampires, did not choose this life for themselves. Being privy to her thoughts and anguish after so many years, I imagined Edward was particularly sensitive to such a thing and knew what a sacrifice it would be to give that up.

I thought about my words carefully before speaking. “My definition of family has changed a lot recently.” I looked up at Edward until he met my eyes. “You aren’t just born loving someone–it’s a choice. You have to allow yourself to love someone and for them to love you. Otherwise, you're just strangers that live in the same house.”

“What’s most important to me is being surrounded by people I love.” I shrugged. “They don’t necessarily have to pop out between my legs.” Honestly, I had a healthy amount of fear about the whole birthing process. It’s never been presented in the best light. Supposedly, you have so many happy endorphins afterwards you forget about all the pain and suffering–great right? Thanks mom, it was quite the pep talk.

“The things that come out of your mouth sometimes…” He scoffed, a slight grin touching his lips despite his trying to hide it.

“Ah, take it as a compliment. It’s a side effect of me becoming more comfortable around you.” I nudged him playfully, and he seemed to light up at that idea.

I looked up at him teasingly. “Oh, by the way, this film ruined deer for me so I won’t judge you as harshly for killing them–deer and black goats named Phillip. You can eat as many as you want.”

“Oh, thanks,” he said dryly. “But what did poor Phillip do to you to earn such resentment?”

“I don’t know,” I fumbled. “Just sounds like the name of a goat possessed by the devil.” The Witch movie wouldn’t come out for another decade or so. That freaky goat gave me nightmares.

“Aren’t you worried I’ll be possessed by drinking from demonic animals?” He posed what I considered to be a very logical question.

I stopped suddenly and looked up at him in alarm. “Can that happen?!”

He laughed and gave me a slight squeeze as if to reassure me as we continued back into the main part of the mall. “Well, it would be the first I’ve heard of it, but I’ll keep you in the loop if the opportunity ever arises.”

“Nope, I’m putting a ban on eating any demonic creatures. They are off the menu. I need you to swear it to me now.” I was dead serious. Vampires were one thing. Demons? Voodoo? I wasn’t going to mess with any of that.

He scoffed, but humored me nonetheless. “Fine, I promise I’ll never drink from demons or the possessed. Satisfied?”

I nodded my head vigorously which made him chuckle. “Well as far as dinner goes, you have the world at your fingertips? What kind of food court delicacy shall you dine on today, madam?”

My eyes lit up, as my eyes scanned the various stalls, but my mind was already made up. As soon as I realized we were at the mall, I had sworn to myself I wouldn’t leave before buying some.

“Edward Cullen, there is one simple rule I live by,” I said while directing him to a counter sporting a variety of Asian dishes. “And that is, never pass on fried rice.”

…..

Edward slid into the booth next to me instead of sitting across from me–something I found strangely adorable. Our knees touched beneath the table as he placed our plates of food down. I grabbed the chopsticks and slid them out of the thin paper sleeve. Breaking them apart gave me an odd sense of satisfaction, but I paused before attempting to touch my fried rice.

I gave Edward a scrutinizing look from the corner of my eye. “I want no judgment from you as I ungracefully attempt to shovel these small grains of rice into my mouth.”

Edward laughed while he broke apart his own set, no doubt only to shove his food around his plate to make it look like he was actually eating. “Scouts honor. I won’t make a comment about how poorly you handle those chopsticks.”

I could manage the two thin pieces of wood to pick up larger things, like chicken or sushi–but rice was a struggle, and I was too stubborn to use a fork. I couldn't help but laugh as, more than once, all the rice I had gathered on my chopsticks fell back into the plastic container.

“I would take this as an opportunity to show off my superior chopstick finesse…” he started, moving his General Tso chicken around with an elegant sort of grace. He lifted the food to his lips before scrunching his nose at it.

“What, regurgitating human food isn’t one of your favorite pastimes?” I asked around a chuckle as I managed to get a bite of rice in. Yum.

He grimaced and looked as though somehow the innocent and delectable morsel of fried chicken had somehow offended him as he tossed it into my container. I wasn’t complaining.

“No, it isn’t,” he agreed.

“You realize you already ate a few bites of an apple earlier today in the lunchroom. Will you get indigestion or something from it?” Vampire biology would be a much more interesting course at school than the dribble we were being taught. How does any of that even work?

“Not really,” he grumbled as if he didn’t want to be reminded of it. “But it will sit in my stomach until I get rid of it. We’re only meant to process one thing.”

“It’s too bad,” I said, taking a sip of my rootbeer. “Limiting yourself to one food group kind of sucks.” I scrunched my nose as I considered it. I was a big foodie–I loved trying out new restaurants and bakeries when I visited a new city. “It’s kind of sad really.”

Edward shrugged in response as if it didn’t bother him–maybe he was resigned to his fate, as bleak as it was. I’m sure I would lament it for a long time if I were in his shoes. “It’s not that we don’t have options. Each animal provides its own unique flavor.”

“Yeah, but it’s a liquid diet. Even I would get tired of shakes after what? A hundred years?” The idea seemed preposterous. “It’s no wonder the lot of you haven’t gone mad.”

I dunked a piece of golden fried chicken into my sweet and sour sauce. I wondered how different blood could really be for them? Was it like trying different kinds of chicken? Or was it like comparing fish to beef?

“What’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten?” I asked before thinking twice about it.

At his silence I looked over and then realized my mistake. My eyes conveyed the apology as soon as it registered. There was clearly only one answer. Was it inappropriate to ask a reformed vampire what human made the best snack?

He cleared his throat, as he abandoned his chopsticks in favor of the soda. He twirled the bottle of Sprite between his hands. “As far as animals go, carnivores tend to be the best tasting. Locally, mountain lions are my favorite, but the best thing I’ve ever tried would have to be leopard during my travels in Africa.” A tactful evasion.

My morbid curiosity did want me to work up the courage to ask if people’s blood tasted different from each other–like if someone only ate junk food would your blood taste worse or better than someone on a healthier diet?

“Africa?” I asked instead, thinking of what I would consider one of the hottest, sunniest places on earth. “Isn’t that a bit outside your comfort zone?”

He laughed as he twisted the cap off the soda and pushed it over to me. I greedily took the bottle and took a long sip. There were benefits to being able to pick what I wanted from his food, but I was going to put on some weight soon if I was eating for two.

“I’ll admit, I didn’t go out much during the day.”

“What, do the Cullens have some sort of family Igor who carts your sparkly butts across the world to keep you hidden from prying mortal eyes?” It was a wonder at the very least the government didn’t know about the existence of vampires. How could so many go unnoticed for so long? There was no way.

Edward actually laughed at that, a loud, boisterous laugh that turned heads from tables around us. “While we have some connections, I assure you, we don’t travel by coffin in the dead of night.”

He pressed his lips together, suppressing another bout of laughter as he fixed me with his playful gaze. Seeing this side of Edward always warmed my heart. He was so animated and happy–able to talk about being a vampire without the shame and guilt I would have expected from him. It got me thinking back to our earlier conversation in the cafeteria and his seeming nonchalance about the threat Jasper could pose to me. Was he confident in Jasper’s self control? In Alice’s visions? Or was it something else?

“So,” I started, fiddling with the straw in my paper cup before taking another sip. “I’ll admit I am a bit confused.” I didn’t want to ruin the mood but I needed to know.

His eyebrow quirked up quizzically. “About?”

I looked up at him, biting my lip momentarily before I let the words come out. “Why aren’t you worried about Jasper? It seems…out of character for you.”

Edward Cullen: loving and devoted to a fault, causing him to be possessive, controlling, and overprotective at times–traits, I myself, had romanticized for a time when they were confined to the pages of a book. But while this Edward had some of those traits, it wasn’t as nearly as pronounced as I had expected. The Edward from the books would have never let Bella be alone with Jasper–not without his or another family member’s protection–he wouldn’t risk it.

Edward leaned back in his seat fixing me with his golden eyes. We were quiet for a moment, both holding each other's gaze. I began to become uncomfortable with the prolonged silence. Did he not plan on answering me?

“I know I told you I wouldn’t push you for any information that you weren’t ready to tell me,” he started, his voice uncertain. “But why do you think Jasper poses any danger to you?”

My mouth went dry. I wasn’t expecting that question. I blinked back at him while my brain processed what to say because if what I knew from the books was right, it should be obvious why Jasper’s control was in question.

“Isn’t he the newest to your lifestyle?”

Edward tilted his head to the side as if still trying to figure out what was wrong.

“…doesn’t that mean he’s the least in control?” I continued, as if I could connect the dots for him.

“Izzy, how long do you think Jasper has been with us?”

I looked away embarrassed. “I’m not sure, actually.”

Edward shook his head. “Jasper has been living our lifestyle for the last 50 years, and if we are comparing track records since making the switch, he’s actually doing better than most. The last person to have a relapse was Emmet and you seem completely fine with him.”

I stared at my food in shame. I hadn’t realized I was making judgements on others without any real proof. I knew things were happening in this world that were off script from the book. Now, I guess, that applied to characters too.

“I’ve been wondering why you were so worried about Jasper,” he drifted off, still deep in thought.

“But…why does he look so uncomfortable all the time?” It couldn't be denied that Jasper looked a bit like Hannibal Lecter in a straight jacket. His “human” disguise, not quite as convincing as the rest.

Edward laughed. “Probably because he’s drowning in a sea of rampant teenage emotions.” He seemed to relax as he came to the realization of what caused the misunderstanding.

“As someone who can read his mind and know what he’s going through, I can tell you it’s absolutely exhausting.” He ran his hand through his hair, tossling it slightly as his eyes unfocused as if remembering the feeling.

“Jasper can not only manipulate the feelings of others but he senses them too—feels them like they are his own. Just like my mind reading, you have to learn how to tune it out. But with his gift, sometimes he doesn’t even realize an emotion isn’t his own at first. It’s a confusing state of being. I do not envy him.”

This revelation had me looking at Jasper in a whole different light. But something still didn’t track.

“So…Jasper won’t try to kill me if, let’s say, I get a paper cut or something?” The entirety of the second Twilight book, New Moon, was caused by such an incident.

Edward seemed amused at such an idea. “Izzy, if he couldn’t handle someone having a paper cut, how could he go out in public? Humans are so fragile. You all get hurt all the time.”

That honestly made more sense than the original source material. Why would they risk putting any of them in such a volatile environment if they were likely to snap at any moment? Hell, how could they be near a girl on their period?

“Does this mean I don’t need to take birth control any more?” I asked suddenly when the realization hit me.

When Jess, Angela, and I went on that shopping trip shortly after I arrived in Forks, I had them drive us to a clinic so I could stock up. I got some judgy looks, even from Jess. I’m not sure they believed my story about how bad my periods were and how my dad wouldn’t understand if I tried going through the usual channels–I’m fairly certain Jess thought it was some kind of power play to indicate how sexually active I was.

Edward did a double take–my admission was a clear shock to his sensibilities.

“I figured lighter, less frequent periods was the closest I was going to get to safeguarding myself on a monthly basis without cutting my uterus out altogether–not that I didn’t consider it,” I explained. I was honestly terrified of going on my first period in a school full of vampires, but it actually came and went without much fanfare. “But I’m not fond of the idea of long term hormonal medication.”

“God, Izzy. No, you don’t have to be on birth control.” He still looked so shocked it was almost comical. But hey, I wasn’t taking any chances.

“We are actually more worried for Jasper than for you,” he said, shaking his head as if to get his thoughts back in order.

“For Jasper?” I repeated, confused. What threat could I pose to a battle-worn vampire such as him?

“Your emotions are so erratic, you’d make Jasper pass out if it was possible,” he continued with a grin. “You’re a sensory overload. It’s why we had Jasper tag along on our ride this morning–we’re trying to acclimate him to you.”

While Edward thought this whole situation was hilarious, I couldn’t share in his amusem*nt. I felt like everything was turning on its head. Was everything I knew wrong? Was I operating in this world under false pretenses–things that didn’t even carry over from the books?

I turned back to my food, taking a few bites in silence and using the moment to attempt to collect myself.

“Izzy?” Edward slid closer to me, his arm slipping behind my back and around my waist. “What’s wrong?”

I didn’t look up, too focused on that familiar wisp of terror flicking across the back of my mind. I felt my composure dissolving. I relied too heavily on my foreknowledge of this world, as though it were a crutch. It gave me a sense of control–of direction. Without it, I’d be lost, like I was adrift at sea. With how many times the story had changed already, I felt like I was fighting against the waves, barely keeping my head above the water. Sometimes, I’d duck my head under and forget about the fight happening just along the surface. But I had to come up for air eventually–and then I’d go back to fighting–no–to drowning.

“I’m sorry it’s just…” I wasn’t sure how to continue. I glanced up at him, his honest, sweet face analyzing me as if the answer to my problems was somehow locked behind my eyes.

“Things are different than I expected.”

He held my gaze for a moment longer, the curiosity burning in his eyes.

“Hmmm,” he murmured, trying to decipher the meaning behind my words, but I wasn’t ready to explain much more than that just yet.

I leaned into him, letting my head settle on his shoulder. Amongst all of this was another fear too–of what would happen once the Cullens knew my secrets. What if I revealed too much by accident? What if the truth was too much for them to handle? What if they didn't believe me?

“I worry that things will be different once you know,” I said quietly, a quiver working its way into my voice.

He pulled me in closer to him, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Maybe,” he started. “But I know something that won’t change.”

I tilted my head up to look at him, a twinge of hope fluttering in my heart. “And what's that?”

He was impossibly close, his face a hairbreadth away from mine.

“There is no manner of truth or deception that could change the way I feel about you.” The sincerity of his eyes burned into my soul, his words etching their way across my heart. “I will always love you, Izzy.”

He didn’t move but the desire was heavy in his eyes. He promised he wouldn’t rush me–that he would be patient–that he would be whatever I needed him to be. He wouldn’t cross the line.

So I jumped over it.

I leaned up and crashed my lips into his. I felt his hand cup my face gently, his cold, delicate touch somehow burning across my face. He was fire and ice all at once.

He kissed me back, strong and with more desperation than I was expecting. My lips parted and he deepened the kiss—there was no hesitation, no carefulness. There was just us and our desires in the middle of a food court, on a Monday afternoon—and it was magical.

Chapter 16: Butterflies and High Heels

Chapter Text

Since I woke up in this world, every day has passed by so slowly. Especially in those early weeks. I remember that hopeless, dark time I spent with Rene—not that it was her fault, really. I was coming to terms with the end of everything I knew. I didn’t have the emotional complexity at the time to be anything but a shattered husk of a human being. I tried to play the part of being this woman’s daughter, but I honestly couldn’t muster much of a performance.

I remember feeling so empty—so lost—so unimaginably alone. My days and nights were spent watching the clock tick by—hoping—praying that when exhaustion finally overcame me, somehow everything would just go back to the way it was. I held on to that dream for a long time.

Even after arriving in Forks, my days and nights were spent stressing over the events of a story I didn’t know if I could control.

So how was it that a week went by in the blink of an eye? Before I knew it, it was the Friday night before the spring dance. I was having a girls’ night with Angela, Jess, and, begrudgingly, Lauren. I will say that she was so caught up in her own world that she was slightly less offensive and therefore tolerable for an evening.

Jess had to beg me to include her–Lauren was quite literally the last person I ever wanted to spend my free time with. But because she wasn't quite as openly hostile with the others as she was with me, it meant Jess still considered her a friend and wanted to include her in the festivities.

I decided to take the opportunity to negotiate some terms in my favor. My cooperation would come at a steep price. I wanted the rights to pick the movies for the night. Jess wasn’t thrilled, but she relented. Apparently, she had never seen Jurassic Park before–something I was determined to remedy. It was a personal offense to have someone I considered to be my friend continue to live in cinema ignorance.

“It’s the night before the dance and instead of watching a thrilling romance, I’m going to watch oversized lizards kill a bunch of people,” Jess complained, plopping down on the floor in front of the couch with a large bowl of popcorn. “Way to set the mood, Izzy.”

“What? Come on Jess–there’s more to this movie than that. Besides, what could be more romantic than surviving a life and death situation together?” I teased.

“Falling in love with a stranger you meet while vacationing abroad,” Jess chattered excitedly

“Having the bad boy fall for you and change his ways so he can feel worthy of your affection,” Lauren added with a small grin.

“Honestly?” Angela shook her head with amusem*nt. “A fancy dinner and flowers would be nice.”

I laughed as they each rang off their own suggestions. “But do any of those involve dinosaurs? No? Then they are clearly inferior.”

Surprisingly, by the end of the night, I think I inadvertently made a few new fans of the series because the first movie was quickly followed by the second without any additional prodding–I had made sure to bring all three just in case. While Charlie’s house was limited as DVDs went, he was sure to have the classics, and I was proud of him for it.

Of course one of the hottest topics of the night was Edward’s and my relationship status. It was clear our relationship wasn’t platonic any more. I hadn’t planned on keeping it a secret, I just wasn’t going to advertise it either. However, Edward didn’t leave room for any doubts…

…

I felt as though the stares around school had finally started to dwindle down–from new girl, to weird girl, to girl almost squashed by Tyler’s van–I had managed a few days without eliciting a new bout of interest. But now, I was “Edward’s girl” and I felt the eyes of the entire school on us. Hushed whispers, looks of judgment or jealousy, and snide comments said loud enough that I was sure to hear them. I felt like I shouldn’t have been too surprised, after all the Cullens were practically celebrities at school. But Edward wasn’t helping anything.

One day, as I was leaving English, I gasped as I was suddenly hooked around the waist and pulled into his embrace. Edward planted a kiss on my forehead and looked at me with such adoration I was at a loss for words. I heard Jess whistle low behind me as I was quite literally holding up the rest of the class from leaving.

I heard Ms. Martin clear her throat. “Izzy, some of us do have other places to be. Maybe you could take this elsewhere?”

“S-sorry,” I mumbled, too embarrassed to meet anyone’s eyes and tugged on Edward’s sleeve so we were no longer holding the students hostage.

“Think you can tone it down just a little bit?” I asked, unable to keep the blush from my cheeks. I was definitely not used to such public displays of affection.

“If it didn’t make your heart sputter as much, then maybe,” he said with a grin and then leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I know you secretly love it.”

I shoved him playfully. He wasn’t totally wrong. Being loved by Edward was quickly becoming addictive.

“I’m just glad you had enough sense to tell me first,” Jess said, coming up behind us, a wide grin on her face. I imagined Jess was on the phone the entire night, calling and texting everyone she knew as soon as I shared the news with her. “You might have even caused a couple of casualties in the Edward Cullen Forever Single But Always in Our Hearts Fan Club though.”

Edward grimaced. “I truly wish they could have chosen a different name.”

I laughed. “The what?” This was the first I was hearing about it. I looked at Edward bewildered. “A fan club? Really?”

Edward rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t exactly my choice,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Oh you know,” Jess continued with an amused smirk. “The collection of all the girls Edward snubbed but who could never get over him. They all kind of agreed to just admire him from afar. Meetings are Tuesdays after school. I think they might be holding a funeral service this time though–it’s basically the death of the whole club.”

Remembering that Jess was once an admirer of Edward herself, I wondered if she knew about the club on a more personal level. As we walked to our next class, I noticed a few girls actually crying into their lockers, blurry photos of Edward’s face taped to the inside like a shrine.

“That’s only majorly creepy.” This was suddenly less amusing and more terrifying.

“You have no idea,” Edward muttered. Being privy to a teenage fan girl’s minds must be a form torture all is own. I patted his arm in pity.

“If you had just dated someone, you wouldn’t have created this problem,” Jess chastised. “Even if it was just for show, it would have kept a lot of them from holding out hope for so long.”

Edward shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t want to play with anyone’s emotions. They don’t deserve that. While their feelings are misplaced, they are still sincere.”

Jess let out a sigh. “Doesn’t mean you haven’t created a new problem though. Hopefully none of them go psycho on our Izzy–they aren’t exactly the picture of mental health. I’ll hold you personally responsible if anything happens to her.” Jess latched onto my arm possessively and fixed Edward with narrowed eyes.

Edward hooked his arm through my other and pulled me closer to him. “I’ll have you know, Izzy’s safety is my utmost priority.” I could feel the tension between their glares like a crackle of electricity.

“I’m flattered, truly,” I said, squirming out of both their grasps. “But I think I can handle a couple of nasty letters crammed in my locker.”

They both stopped, and I had to turn around in order to see what was wrong.

“You got a letter?” Edward asked, a serious expression settling on his face.

Oh shoot, I thought to myself, biting my lip. I hadn’t planned on telling them.

“Already? Wow, they work fast.” Jess winced. “What did it say?”

I thought about the sheet of notebook paper crumpled in my locker I found this morning, that had been wedged partially under the door. I thought it was just some notes that had gotten misplaced but when I had read it during first period, I realized that was not the case.

I sighed, avoiding Edward’s eyes–worrying he was going to make the whole situation out worse than it needed to be. This was high school–there were always going to be a couple of bullies–nothing I couldn’t handle. “Just dumb stuff. Like you said, probably someone upset that Edward’s off the market.”

“Can I see it?” Edward asked.

I reached into my back pocket and took out the crumpled note, passing it to him. His eyes scanned the writing a few times before Jess snatched it out of his hands.

“I know what he sees in you,” Jess began to read out loud. “You’re different. But it won’t last. Enjoy it while you can.”

Jess crumpled up the letter angrily and tossed it in the nearest trash can. “Don’t let these petty girls get to you, Izzy. Cowards that can’t even say something to your face aren’t worth your time.”

I laughed as I gave her a hug in an attempt to quiet her rage. I was touched that she took offense to the letter on my behalf. “I know. And with you by my side, what do I have to worry about?” I gave Edward a wink over her shoulder.

Honestly, with a vampire boyfriend, what was there to really be worried about? If anyone tried to put gum in my hair or dump pigs blood on me Carrie style at the dance, I’m fairly certain I’d get a heads up from Alice and then Edward would probably pay them a personal visit so they never so much as thought my name ever again.

As we made our way to our classes, Edward kept my hand firmly in his. Every now and then, he’d raise it to his lips and plant a soft kiss to the back of my hand.

“Don’t you go and get all weird because you think I’m being picked on,” I gave him a stern look out of the corner of my eyes as we made our way down the hall. “It really doesn’t bother me that much.”

He frowned, his shoulders slightly slumping forward. “I don’t want you to experience any hardships because of me.”

I sighed and pulled him to a stop. He looked down at me with those sad, golden eyes.

“We both knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but it’s something I’m willing to fight for if you are?” Edward was worth it. I knew it. There were a lot of hurdles we still had to navigate, but I knew that if we had each other, we’d somehow make it through. He just had to believe the same. Because if he pulled a move from New Moon and “left for my own sake” I’d personally hunt him down and ship him to Italy myself.

He gave me that crooked smile. “I’ll always fight for you.”

“Us,” I corrected, reaching up and placing his face in my hands, needing him to make the distinction, because they were very different things. “We’ll fight for us.”

“Us,” he agreed, his eyes softening and reflecting the love I knew he felt for me.

It was so strange, to be completely confident in someone else's feelings. Any other time I had dated someone, I felt like I was always guessing, hoping, or projecting at what I thought they might be feeling for me.

But it wasn’t like that with Edward. I was as sure of his feelings for me as I was of my own for him. There was no doubt. There was no guessing. It was resolute. It was unwavering. It was certain. An unbreakable truth.

“Can I kiss you, Izzy?” He smiled as he dipped his head toward mine.

“Oh, so you ask now? I thought you kind of did whatever you wanted to.”

“Well, I believe you told me to tone it down.” His lips hovered over mine. “That and Jess is watching.”

“HELLO!” she grumbled loudly only a few steps away as if on cue. “I’m still here, you know. You can’t just go off in your own little world and forget about me. It’s rude,” She pouted, hands on her hips.

I laughed, giving Edward what was a much quicker kiss than either of us preferred and turned back to Jess. “Sorry, Jess. Edward has this wonderful habit of distracting me.”

“It’s becoming my favorite pastime.”

…

Technically, Jess wasn’t the first person I told about my new relationship status–it was Charlie. I wasn’t going to lie to him since this was honestly something so trivial in comparison to the long list of lies I’d have to keep around him. It felt nice not to try and hide something for once. Even though it would have made my life easier if he didn’t know. He became incredibly awkward after I came home Monday night, and I announced the fact that Edward and I had started dating over a frozen lasagna dinner.

“You’re what?” He gawked, letting his fork clang to the side of his plate.

“I’m dating Edward Cullen,” I repeated. “He asked me out today.”

Charlie sat there dumbfounded. “And you agreed.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, that’s kind of how it works. If I had said no, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“And before you ask,” I continued as I saw Charlie begin to say something. “No, I wasn’t held at gunpoint,” I teased. “I agreed of my own free will. I’ve been paired with him in Biology since I started school here. After the accident in the parking lot, I guess we kind of just grew closer over time.”

Charlie chewed on his lip for a moment mulling over his thoughts. From how pale he looked, I thought he might pass out but finally his mustache twitched and he picked his fork back up. He took an abnormally large bite of lasagna that had steam pouring off the top of it. I saw his eyes water as he choked down the bite.

After a moment, and a long sip of water, he cleared his throat. “I figured kids your age would try to hide these things from their parents. I assumed I’d have to drag it out of you over the course of a few days.”

I laughed. “Would you rather we did that? If I’ve robbed you of this particular parental experience, we can pretend I didn’t say anything, and I can start sneaking out at night.”

Charlie’s face lit up red. He began to wag a finger in my direction. “Now, Isabella Swan, if you ever sneak out of this house past curfew-”

“Oh, so I have a curfew now?” I crossed my arms over my chest in amusem*nt.

“W-well, you do now,” he fumbled, as if he was trying to remember the speech he had prepared for me.

I had debated on waiting for Charlie to confront me about his suspicions of our relationship, but catching Charlie off guard had been an unexpected treat.

“Now that I have a boyfriend?” I pressed, unable to keep the grin off my face.

“Exactly,” he huffed out. “I was a teenager once. Now that was a long, long time ago. But things haven’t changed that drastically since I was one. I know nothing good happens late at night.”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

Charlie stared at me confused. He pursed his lips in thought, looking for the deception in my apparent nonchalance. “I feel like you’re making this too easy.”

I laughed. “Well, it’s not like you’re being unfair. You didn’t say I couldn’t date Edward, and a curfew is a completely reasonable request.”

“Okay then, well I have more rules.” Charlie leaned back in his chair and fixed me with a determined gaze. “I don’t want you two to be alone together–he can only come visit when I’m home.”

I thought about it for a moment and then nodded my head. “That’s fine.” I knew Edward was most likely waiting for me in my room as we spoke. Technically, Charlie would be home while Edward was over–Charlie just wouldn’t know it.

“No dates during school nights,” he continued.

“Fine by me.”

Charlie squinted his eyes at me. “You’re not just agreeing to everything up front to go and do what you want behind my back, are you.”

“No,” I laughed and started to eat my food again, fairly certain Charlie had run out of things to demand. “I’m just not difficult.”

Charlie sighed. “Well know that if you break the rules you’ll be grounded for–I don’t know–two months? And you won’t be allowed to see him outside of school. Understood?”

I saluted Charlie with a mock heir of seriousness. “Aye, aye, Chief.”

“Oh stop, Bells,” he chuckled before his shoulders relaxed. “God, I can’t believe you’re going to be dating.” A few moments passed as the whole situation settled in, and then his expression turned a bit sour. “I think I need a beer.”

With what I considered the biggest hurdle out of the way, I was wholly unprepared for what happened next.

…

“Edward!” I hissed, breathlessly as I pushed him off once again. “One of us still has to breathe.”

I took a long uneven breath into my lungs, my face flushed, my heart racing. Edward leaned back just enough to give me the room I needed to refill my lungs with oxygen. But his gaze never left mine. He hovered over me, his eyes tracing the lines of my face as I regained control of my breathing. His eyes were still light and golden, but ravenous for a whole different reason.

He was laying on top of me in my bed, carefully positioning his weight so I wasn’t crushed beneath it. Not able to wait any longer, he began to trace light kisses along my jaw and down my neck. My breathing hitched as his lips grazed my collar bone.

“What happened to vampires being patient?” I asked around a chuckle.

I let my hands run through his hair, my nails scraping against his scalp, eliciting an appreciative murmur from his lips before he looked back up at me.

“I feel like I’ve already lived a lifetime waiting for you, Izzy.” He leaned back up and captured my lips in his.

At some point since I returned to my room, my jeans had been forgotten. Quickly thrown, I think, somewhere across the room. Now his fingers grazed along the bare skin of my thigh before hitching behind the bend of my knee and wrapping my leg around him. I felt him slide closer, press deeper. I heard myself groan with a need so intense, I shocked myself. Edward growled into my mouth in response.

No, what I hadn’t been prepared for was Edward’s apparent insatiable appetite. It was like he was starved of physical affection. He never tired, never got out of breath, or needed a moment to recollect himself. He craved our closeness. Even as we had walked back to his Volvo from the mall, his hand was on the small of my back, his thumb rubbing circles along my spine that sent shivers through my body. Every few steps he would lead down and press his lips to the top of my head with a smile–a smile that hadn’t left his face since I kissed him in the food court. There was something akin to bewilderment in his eyes. Like he couldn't believe this was happening.

“What?” I asked when he pulled away for a moment to look into my eyes. I heard the twinge of irritation in my voice, my own desires starting to make their needy demands. Edward had awoken something in me that had been buried deep beneath layers of anxiety and depression. I wasn’t sure it was something I could just reel back in on my own.

He laughed and eased onto his side, pulling me into his chest, nuzzling his face against mine. “I just don’t know what it is that I’ve done to deserve you.”

“Don’t be so sure I’m not actually a curse,” I murmured, almost to myself. There was still a small seed of doubt that wiggled around in the back of my brain, worrying about what was going to come.

“Impossible,” he said, breathing deeply. I wondered if he was still getting used to my scent. By how eagerly he crawled into my bed, I’d say he was getting pretty comfortable. “But if you are indeed a curse then I welcome your torment.”

“Hmmm, you say that now,” I said tilting my head up and nipping at his chin. “But you might get tired of me.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “Not sure I’ll ever get enough.”

I leaned up to kiss him again, but he stopped me. “But I might have to cut us off for tonight.” I didn’t understand the reluctance in his eyes.

I tugged at his shirt playfully to pull his face closer to mine, at first thinking he was joking, but when he placed a finger on my lips to keep me from kissing him a second time I frowned.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he begged. “I’m really trying here.”

“I don’t think you’re trying enough.” I countered around a pout. “What’s wrong?”

He let out an uneasy breath. “You make me feel so…normal. When I’m with you, I sometimes forget what I am.”

My brows furrowed in confusion–wasn’t feeling more human a good thing? “Is that so bad?”

“When I’m trying to keep from actually taking a bite out of you, yes. Yes, it is a bad thing.”

Edward did such a good job of hiding his blood lust around me, I honestly forgot. Half of the time, I don’t remember that he’s anything but a regular guy–handsome as can be and ridiculously charming–but no more dangerous than the next mortal on the street. Did that mean I had terrible survival instincts?

“I know I told you that Jasper didn’t pose a threat to you. That none of my family did. But the same doesn’t apply to me, Izzy. Your blood–it affects me differently than the rest of them.” He almost seemed ashamed at the admission. I didn’t realize we actually had never addressed this problem–that technically, I wasn’t supposed to know about my being Edward’s singer.

“It’s harder,” he continued, his eyes casting down for a moment unable to meet my eyes. “To be around you more than other humans because of it. I just never want to put us in a situation where I might, even for a moment, lose control.” His expression was solemn.

“I know I’d never hurt you, Izzy, but I can’t help but be cautious. I’ll never needlessly risk your life like that.”

Edward was trying to tell me he was dangerous–that being around him very well could lead to my death. Yet, I was unable to muster up even an ounce of fear. His presence didn’t repulse me or make me nervous. In fact, it was the opposite. I couldn’t imagine a place I would feel safer than in his arms.

“You know sometimes you say things that I feel like should terrify me,” I said, staring into his eyes, waiting for a sense of terror to take hold of my senses–that I know I should be experiencing. I waited but it never came. “Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

He actually laughed, a bit louder than I was expecting. I panicked and quickly slapped my hands over his mouth to muffle the sound. What I was terrified of was Charlie finding out about my unsanctioned sleepover.

“He’s asleep,” he said around my fingers, laughter still alight in his eyes.

“But I don’t know that!” I hissed. I could feel my heart beating in my chest.

He held me closer till my heart returned to its steady rhythm.

“I tell you that I struggle with a desire to devour you, and you think there’s something wrong–not with me, not with us and our impossible situation–but with you?” He chuckled into my hair as if the idea was still the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

“Don’t tempt me with a good time.” Something about the way he said devour excited me in a whole different way than it should. Maybe I was going to hell.

“Easy,” he said with what I think was an attempt at a stern tone as I made a move to tug his shirt off. “If you don’t play by the rules then I’ll have to leave.”

I huffed in response. “Who said you get to make up all the rules? That’s not fair.”

“Apparently, you can’t be trusted with your own self-preservation.” He rolled me over so that my back was tucked snuggly into his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head and his arms curled around my body. “You don’t want me to go, do you?”

“No, I don’t.” One of the benefits to having Edward stay over was that I didn’t have time to dwell on all the unknowns that lurked in the corners of my mind. His presence was keeping them at bay–it was the most peace I think I’d had since living this new life. I cherished it.

“Then go to sleep,” he whispered into my ear.

I didn’t want to go to sleep–instead I wanted to relish in his presence just a little longer. But as soon as he started humming, I knew I had already lost the fight. It was a melody I was becoming increasingly familiar with. I felt my eyelids become heavy–ignoring my protests to stay awake.

“Edward…” I mumbled, nestling into his arms.

“Yes, Izzy.”

“Don’t leave.”

I felt his arms tighten around me. “I’ll be here as long as you let me.”

…

“Is now a good time to tell you I don’t actually know how to dance?” Despite myself and how juvenile it felt to get nervous about a high school dance, my stomach was still in knots.

My eyes kept flitting from the decorations in the gymnasium, to the table of snacks and punch, and to the other couples surrounding us as they too took to the dance floor–anywhere but the face that was a few inches above my own.

“Izzy, we’re in high school. No one here knows how to dance.” At that he whisked me around into a twirl and brought me back into his chest.

“Present company excluded, apparently,” I said, slightly winded. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.

He gave a smug grin. “Perhaps.”

It was much different dancing like this than it had been simply jumping around to the music along with Jess and Angela. As soon as the slow song started I felt my insides twist in apprehension, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

It was strange, feeling self-conscious like this. I knew I shouldn’t, and that I had no need to be. Edward was thrilled to just be around me, regardless if I kept stepping on his feet.

“If you don’t stop worrying,” Edward said, his hand slipping to the small of my back as he pulled me closer. “I’ll just have to pick you up and dance with you in my arms–you won’t even have to worry about your feet touching the ground.”

As if to illustrate his point, I felt myself being lifted into the air, to where only my tip toes grazed the floor.

“Please don’t,” I said, indignantly. “That would be so embarrassing!” I wasn’t a doll to be thrown around the room.

He laughed at my quick response. “Then pretend it's just us,” he said, resting his forehead against mine.

“It’s what I’m having to do to keep from backhanding the other men in the room whenever they catch sight of you. You’re too stunning for your own good. Trust me when I say no one is paying attention to your footwork tonight.”

I caught the slight irritation in his voice and quickly looked around the room. To my surprise, there were a few onlookers and not just for Edward. I turned away, fresh pink on my cheeks.

I didn’t make a habit of spending a whole lot of time on my appearance. Each day I threw on clothes that were clean and I felt comfortable in. The world was lucky I took a few seconds to run a brush through my hair after a shower. On days I was feeling particularly lazy, I’d just braid my mess of knotty, unruly hair, throw on a simple dress, and call it a day. Forget about attempting makeup or squeezing into jeans.

So it was safe to say, I felt completely out of my comfort zone after Alice had gotten a hold of me earlier that afternoon.

“Have I told you that you look lovely this evening?” Edward’s voice brought me back to him, his cold alluring touch, and his gaze that warmed my heart.

I rolled my eyes, a smile working its way on my lips. “Only a hundred times.”

As if sensing my uneasiness, Edward had made it his personal mission to try and settle my nerves. It had been manifesting in small little quips, random anecdotes, and of course, an onslaught of compliments.

“Oh, it almost seemed like you forgot again so I thought I’d remind you.” His smirk had that devilish charm that would get anyone out of any amount of trouble they found themselves in.

“Not fair.” I said, sticking my lip out in a pout. “You shouldn’t be allowed to get out of everything by being so adorable.”

His lips quirked into the beginnings of a smile. “Add it to my list of charms.”

As the songs changed to something more upbeat, more kids braved the dance floor—although, Jasper and Alice continued their ballroom dance as if they were dancing to a song of their own. A couple people stared at them and sneered but I thought there was something incredibly endearing about it—to be so enamored with one’s partner that that rest of the world just faded away.

Edward inclined his head toward his sister. “Thank you for indulging her—stuff like this makes her so happy.”

I smiled as I watched the two gracefully take turns around the dance floor, somehow able to avoid the other students without breaking stride.

“It’s not any trouble at all. I love being around Alice.” It was true, the more time I spent around the energetic vampire, the closer I felt to her—almost as though she were my own sister. “She’s like the sun—everything around her just lights up.”

At my words, Alice fixed me with a dazzling smile before turning her attention back to Jasper.

“Oh goodness—don’t be that nice. You’ll never be rid of her now.”

I laughed. “What? Tired of her company after a few decades?”

“Try a few minutes,” he huffed. “I’m not sure how Jasper puts up with her.”

I fixed him with a curious gaze. “Are you two not close?” I would say Edward had the closest relationship with Alice outside of that of his parents in the books. There was a kind of kinship formed from their particular gifts–of knowing things they shouldn’t–seeing things not meant for their eyes.

“Not as much as I am with Jasper,” he shrugged, but I caught the mischievous glint in his eyes. “But I’ve learned to put up with her.”

I actually heard Jasper laugh through the hum of the music and chatter, and when I looked back at the couple caught Alice’s murderous look directed at Edward.

“I love them all though—they are my family.” And as if he felt the need to prod Alice further added, “No matter how annoying they might be.”

“Be careful,” I warned. “You still have to live with her.”

“It’s a good thing I don’t plan on going home tonight.” He fixed me with a heated gaze that felt wholly unsuitable in a public place.

My cheeks were still burning when Emmet's voice reached us. “Get a room, you two—it’s disgusting!”

Despite his words, he wore a big, easy smile on his face. Rosalie inclined her head to us, her expression still guarded but she seemed a little more relaxed than usual. She hadn’t been with her sister when Alice showed up to my house unannounced for an impromptu makeover.

Even Edward had seemed surprised at Alice’s arrival. Charlie hadn’t known Edward was upstairs, obviously. Officially, they hadn’t talked since I announced we started dating. So he had slipped out my window when Charlie had knocked on my door to let me know Alice had arrived.

“Thank me later,” is all she said as she stepped from around Charlie with a suspiciously large cosmetic bag in her hands.

I was glad to see Rosalie was willing to tolerate me in small doses at least.

What caught my interest though was the cup Emmet was holding in his hands. Something seemed incredibly out of place about it. If he were any other student there, Emmet would have blended in perfectly. But as a vampire? Emmet wouldn't have any need for the mixture of carbonated soda and fruit punch. Edward frowned as he too examined the cup, a crease forming between his eyes in anger.

“Emmet, you didn’t,” Edward growled low so no one else could hear.

Emmet didn’t seem bothered by Edward’s intimidation although the sound of his growl sent chills down my spine for a whole different reason.

“No one will know, Edward. Chill.” Emmet took another long sip, knocking back the entire cup. But then he reached into his jacket pocket to pull out a flask to which he quickly refilled his glass.

Edward set a narrowed look of disapproval at Rosalie as if it were her fault too. She stuck a hand up in her defense. “I tried to tell him but it’s like talking to a big, dumb rock.”

“Oh, Rose, don’t talk dirty to me like that.” She rolled her eyes and smiled despite herself—it was cute seeing Emmet's childishness bring out her softer side. I think a part of the reason that Rosale and Emmet worked as a couple was because they were complete opposites. Emmet was carefree. He didn’t mind what others thought of him, and he lived in the moment. Meanwhile Rosalie lived for attention and the limelight–she was always concerned with how she was perceived.

“Do I want to know what’s in the cup?” I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ask but curiosity was eating away at me. There were only a handful of options and none of them were great.

Edward sighed in irritation. “It’s bear blood. Fresh from the smell of it. How did you manage not to get any on your suit?”

“Oh, yeah–that suit didn’t make it. This is the backup suit.” He grinned widely as if proud of the fact. “We were running late so Rose made me take it to go.”

Cool. Just a vampire casually drinking blood out of a punch glass. Don’t make it weird Izzy, I told myself, but I couldn’t keep my stomach from churning with uneasiness.

Edward shook his head like the disapproving older brother he was. “Carlisle won’t be happy about this.”

Emmet looked over the rim of his glass with steely eyes. “How would he know unless someone told him,” he countered, licking the red liquid from the top of his lip. His entire countenance changed when Carlisle was brought into the fold. “You don’t have to be such a kissass all the time, Edward.”

It was amazing how quickly Emmet’s entire presence changed–something about the edge of his voice suddenly turned his entire countenance lethal. It was needless to say that Emmet was much larger than Edward–it didn’t even look like it would be a fair fight if it came to one.. Something akin to panic flicked in the back of my mind, warning me of the danger despite it not even being directed at me.

“Easy.”

Like a fog, my fear began to dissipate as quickly as it came. However, I was left with this warm blanket of calm that was so heavy, I was having a hard time standing. I began to sway, but Edward steadied me, his firm grip around my waist.

“Too much, Jasper.” I blinked up to see Edward looking down at me with concern. “You okay?”

I nodded as I felt the heaviness begin to lift. Honestly, I was sad to see it go–something about it was so comforting, like being wrapped up in bed, unwilling to crawl out from the covers and face the morning. I blinked a few times as if banishing sleep from my eyes and looked up to see Jasper with an apologetic look in his eyes. “Sorry about that, Izzy. I have to use a bit more force for my gift to get through their thick skulls.”

Edward huffed. “I didn’t need your help.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow as though he had reason to believe otherwise, but didn’t say anything to the contrary. He turned to Emmet and snatched his flask so quickly, his arm was but a blur.

“Hey!” Emmet roared, but as soon as he reared up Jasper placed a hand on his chest and fixed him with a piercing stare. “You’ve had your fun Emmet. Now stop being a child and risking our safety. Instead, why don’t you dance with your beautiful wife and show her you can actually be romantic for an evening when you keep your mouth shut.”

There was a brief silence that I was certain would be followed by another outburst. It was hard to believe his words would actually diffuse a hostile situation, but Emmet surprised me when he relaxed back and donned the biggest goofy grin. “Oh, trust me, Rose likes what I can do with my mouth.”

“Let me take him away before another stupid thing leaves his lips. ” Despite Rosalie’s chiding tone, she didn’t seem phased in the least as his words. I seemed to be the only one dying from second hand embarrassment at his bold admission.

“Now that’s over, can we all go back to having a good time again? Yes? Okay then.” Alice came beside me and took my hand in her small, cold grasp. “I think it’s time I stole Izzy for a dance.”

I laughed around the haze that I still felt lingering in my mind, not completely sure I was safe to rejoin the dance floor. “That’s a risky move, Alice. I’ve stepped on Edward’s feet a hundred times since arriving.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about that. My toes are practically indestructible. But my shoes on the other hand…” She looked down at her dainty, very expensive looking heels with serious contemplation. “I don’t think you’ll cause too much damage?”

Her question caught me off guard as she pulled me back onto the dance floor. Couldn’t Alice just look ahead a few minutes to see if irreparable damage was done to her designer heels? But Alice quickly had me spinning around, laughing with exhilaration as she took me around the gymnasium, dancing to another one of the silent melodies in her head.

“What are we dancing to?” I asked as I completely couldn't follow her footwork at all. I probably looked ridiculous, but I was having too much fun to care.

Alice smiled at me brightly as she let go of my hands to flit around me with her angelic grace. “It’s actually inspired by Riverdance.”

As she said it, her movements finally clicked into place. “No way! My mom had the biggest crush on Michael Flatley.” I had seen the theatrical dance group probably a few dozen times on VHS tapes my mom owned. I wish I had the skill to follow her movements.

“Incoming,” Alice said, her gaze directed over my shoulder. “Sorry,” she mouthed as she took a step back and darted away into the crowd.

I didn’t have long to be confused before my name rang out.

“Izzy!” I turned in the direction of the voice only a moment before I was impacted by a giant hug.

“God, Jess,” I said, steadying her as she threatened to topple both of us over. My face scrunched up as I caught a whiff of alcohol in her breath. “Have you been drinking?”

Eric was following close behind her, his cheeks pink as he held both their punch glasses. “Oh yeah, the punch is totally spiked.”

I laughed as Jess nuzzled against my neck. “Izzy, why do you have to be so freaking hot. It makes me sad. I’m supposed to be the hot one.”

I wondered if I should be offended, but somehow it just seemed like a normal Jess thing to say. “It’s okay, Jess, I’ll go back to being a toad tomorrow–the spell only lasts till midnight anyways.”

This seemed to placate her and she smiled while giving me a squeeze. “Good, cause I think you’re making me gay. Have you always smelled this good?”

“Throw those away, Eric. I think she’s had enough,” I muttered as I tried to peel her off me. Whatever was in the punch must be some strong stuff.

“Don’t worry, Izzy, she drove with me,” Angela said, joining us with Ben.

“Aaaannngiiieee,” Jess mumbled, tossing me away for someone new. “Angie, drink with me. Come on. Stop being such a prude.”

Angela attempted to keep Jess at arms length. “It’s time to go Jess, before you puke on us or your date.”

“I can help get her to your car, Angela,” Edward offered. It was strange, I was somehow able to tell when he was close, so it didn’t surprise me when I felt his presence behind my shoulder. I leaned back into him and I felt his lips press to the top of my head soothingly.

“I’ll be right back,” he murmured.

“I’ll try not to miss you too much.”

Eric and Edward braced Jess on either side as they made their way through the double doors toward the parking lot.

“Damn, I can see why you haven’t been back to visit us.” This time I was taken by surprise to find Leah by my side. She leaned on my shoulder as we watched Edward leave.

She looked stunning in her dress—a shimmering silver that matched the amused gleam in her eyes. She fixed me knowing smirk. “He’s a hunk.”

“Well there’s more to him than a pretty face,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

Leah gave me an incredulous look until my façade broke and I grinned. “But he does have a nice ass doesn’t he?”

“Sculpted,” Leah assented. She laughed and clapped my shoulder. “I knew I liked you, crazy girl.”

“Sooo,” I said looking around to see if I could spot her date. I had a good idea of who it was. Mike never confirmed who he was coming with. Something told me he had been working on Leah this whole time to get her to say yes.

“I’m Mike's date.” She confirmed my unspoken question. “But he’s currently retching up his guts in the bathroom—too much punch. Real charmer that one.”

I snorted. “Oh, yeah, he's a real parseltongue.”

Leah narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t play with me, Izzy. I will conscript you into my book club. There’s not enough bookish girls around that can match my chaotic energy.”

“If there’s snacks I’ll be there.” Leah and I hadn’t interacted much, but there was something very refreshing in how carefree she was. Many found Leah to be abrasive—lashing out after her abrupt break up with Sam, the alpha pack leader who imprinted on someone else—someone that wasn’t her.

I could only imagine how painful that must have been. What if I had to go through something similar with Edward? If I had to watch him imprint on someone else—see that deep love and devotion in his eyes but for someone other than me? Almost the thought of it made my chest seize in pain—I felt tears prick in my eyes.

“How’s Jake doing?” I said suddenly—needing to distract myself from my own thoughts. I did feel bad that I had actually completely forgotten about him in light of everything else that had happened.

As if called back by the storm in my heart, I saw Edward return into the gymnasium. I gave him a tight smile to let him know I was alright. Knowing he was close calmed me considerably.

Leah shrugged. “He’s a tough kid. He’s been through a lot. Your little episode didn’t freak him out too bad. He took it in stride.”

“Well, let’s plan to meet up soon.” I didn’t mean it in one of those, trying to end the conversation in a polite way with no intention of ever actually putting forth the effort to meet up–I meant it.

“He’d like that. Maybe then he’d shut up about you, and I wouldn’t have to hear about all of your darling childhood memories. I feel like I practically grew up with you at this point.”

I cringed inwardly. I hoped Leah was overexaggerating or else I might need to more forcefully establish a friend zone with Jake.

“Sorry, Jake can be a bit much.”

“You only know half of it. Literally. Didn’t you forget all your past or something”

I averted my eyes. “Something like that.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “It’s honestly crazy. I can’t imagine what you’ve had to go through.” Her eyes held genuine sympathy. “It’s like you're living someone else’s life.”

I smiled bitterly at how spot on she was. “More than you know.”

Edward joined us. I felt the pressure of his hand on the small of my back—his touch providing a measure of comfort to my unsettled heart.

“Edward, this is Leah Clearwater,” I said, making the introduction, doubting these two had ever had a formal introduction. “Her dad keeps mine stocked with an endless supply of fish fry—to the point that it's become its own food group at our house.”

“Don’t get me started,” she groaned. “The smell permeates my house. I can’t escape it.”

“It’s lovely to make your acquaintance.” Edward smiled his charming, heart stopping smile. I even saw Leah's eyes blank for a moment as if she were also blinded by it.

“Is it alright if I take Izzy home for the night? Her father was pretty adamant that we not be late.”

Leah snorted. “Oh yeah, I bet Chief Swan is thrilled his only daughter is dating.” She gave me a sympathetic look. “How’s that going?”

I grimaced. “As good as you’d expect.” Any time Edward’s name was mentioned at my house, Charlie’s forehead would break out with a sheen of sweat.

She laughed and waved us on. “Go, before the Chief shows up with his guns.”

As Edward began to guide me away, I had a sudden thought. “Hey, Leah, how exclusive is this book club you mentioned.”

She placed her hands on her hips. “Well right now, it consists of me, myself, and I—so pretty exclusive. Who’d you have in mind?”

I looked up expectantly at Edward, with pleading eyes.

“Oh don’t do that.”

“What?” I asked, batting my lashes as innocently as I could.

“That,” he emphasized the word as he looked down into my eyes. I watched the line of his lips quirk up into a smile as he brushed the hair away from my face.

He chuckled. “And you say I always get my way. I quite think I’m fully under your spell, Izzy. Your wish is my command.”

“Perfect!” I triumphantly turned back to Leah. “We can invite Jake too.”

Leah shrugged. “It’s worth a shot. But if Edward has any other hot siblings he’d like to bring along—the more the merrier.”

“I have a cousin,” Edward said with an amused grin. “But she can be kind of a handful.”

“If she’s half as gorgeous as the rest of your family, I might be up for the challenge.” She gave us a wink before returning to the dance.

…

“So what’s this about a book club?” As we passed through the double doors leading out of the gym, Edward had to duck to avoid the hanging streamers.

“It could be fun,” I suggested, but I could see Edward wasn’t buying it at face value.

While I was always down for a good read, I definitely had stronger motivations to get this group together.

There’s a lot of animosity between the vampires and werewolves of Forks and unceasingly so. They are all on the same side. It’s simply fear and old prejudices that keep them from being able to trust each other. If I was able to facilitate a level of friendship between the groups before they became mortal enemies, wouldn’t it be possible that the groups could work together instead of against each other?

“Hmm,” Edward said as we stopped at the edge of the covered awning. The sky was already dark–only the light from the occasional overhead flood light illuminating patches of the parking lot in the distance. A gentle mist of rain fell from the sky, dotting my face with cold droplets of water when picked up by the wind. “For some reason it feels like you're up to something.”

I ducked my head to keep from having to meet his curious eyes. “Maybe, but it’s all for a good cause.”

Edward slid his suit jacket off to drape it around my arms. His fingers grazed my neck as he adjusted the collar so it fit snugly across my shoulders.

He reached up to stroke my cheek, the cold of the night air was reflected in his touch. I kissed the heel of his hand until I felt my warmth in his skin.

When I looked up back into his eyes, they swirled with a happiness that lit up his whole face. The sincerity of such an expression made heat rise to my cheeks. It was incredible–to feel so important and loved by someone.

“Guess I’ll just have to trust you.” There was amusem*nt in his tone but I also know the secrets I closely guarded most likely drove him mad with curiosity.

I appreciated that he had kept true to his promise, and he never pressed me for information I wasn’t ready to reveal. Honestly, in his situation, I’m not sure I would have afforded me the same courtesy.

“So which of your lovely northern cousins were you trying to pawn off on Leah,” I asked as I walked along the covered path. There were three sisters in the Denali coven who were single at the moment—one destined for another, one to death, and one…

“In all honesty, I think the Denalis would like Leah,” he replied after a moment, following beside me. I didn’t miss the curious sidelong look he saddled me with. He always caught onto the smallest admissions I let slip. It’s not as though the whereabouts of their fellow, yellow-eyed coven of vampires was public knowledge.

“She’s a survivor,” he continued, turning his attention ahead–that far off look flashing across his eyes. “She has a strong spirit–something not easily extinguished by others. She never stops fighting.”

I wondered in our brief exchange what exactly he was able to glean through Leah’s mind that left such a strong impression.

“I bet it was Tanya,” I teased, knowing very well that of the vampires in the Alaskan coven, she was the one he’d benefit most by diverting their attention.

Edward halted our walk abruptly, turning me to face him. He tilted my chin up with one of his long, slender fingers, and narrowed his eyes at me intently. “I don’t know what you’ve seen or heard, but Tanya is nothing more to me than family.”

I was surprised by the seriousness of his expression. Maybe I should have felt jealous of a gorgeous vampire pining after my boyfriend, but I honestly had no doubts of his affections for me.

I reached up on my tiptoes to kiss some reassurance into him. “I know,” I said, nipping at his bottom lip playfully.

“Good,” he hummed happily, flashing a crooked grin. “Because you are all I desire.”

These six words struck me more strongly than I was prepared. “It’s probably in your best interest not to stay over tonight.” I took hold of his tie, lowering his face till it was a hairbreadth from mine, my lips ghosting over his as I stared into his golden eyes which matched the hunger in my own. “Because I’m going to be putting your self control to the test.”

“Izzy…” the low gravel in his voice in which he said my name set a fire in my veins.

“Scared Cullen?” I challenged, allowing the words to form around a gentle, slow kiss I pressed to the corner of his mouth.

“Terrified,” he growled softly. There was a strain to his voice—some part of him trying to be the reasonable one. But by how intensely his eyes were lidded with desire, I could tell it was the losing side.

I gasped as my feet were suddenly lifted from the ground and I found myself cradled in his arms bridal style as we walked through the parking lot in the rain.

I laughed as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “In a hurry are we?”

His lips curled up into a seductive smile. “I’ve never been one to turn down a challenge.”

Chapter 17: Cold Touch

Chapter Text

Seeing how I had come home in one piece unharmed, Charlie had begrudgingly given Edward a curt nod before shutting the door in his face.

“It’s still weird,” Charlie said, returning to his sofa where he clicked off the tv and retrieved his beer from the coffee table–unconcerned by his gruff behavior. He slumped into the couch with irritated resignation.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. Charlie had been officially introduced to Edward as my boyfriend earlier that evening.

“Just because he saved you doesn’t mean you have to feel indebted to him or whatever,” Charlie told me begrudgingly before Edward had arrived.

“It’s not like that,” I replied with an amused laugh. “I actually like him, Charlie. He's a really great guy. I think you’d like him too if you gave him a chance.”

He huffed as though that were an impossible thing.

So now they had this awkward sort of reluctant coexistence. Not to say Edward wasn’t actively trying to win his favor but Charlie was completely immune to his charm–maybe the only one in all of Forks. Edward had his work cut out for him.

“So,” he started taking a long sip of his drink as I hung my small handbag Alice had lent me on the rack by the door. “How was the dance?”

Knowing Edward was upstairs right then made me anxious to cut the conversation short but I didn’t want to spurn Charlie’s attempts at connecting with me.

“It was nice,” I said sitting down next to him. “But I’m ready to trade my heels for flats right about now.” I grimaced while sliding them off and tossing them in the pile of shoes we kept by the front door.

Charlie laughed. “There was a time once that you wouldn’t have even made it out of your room while wearing those.” There was something wistful in his tone, fondly remembering his uncoordinated child in her youth.

I often didn’t try to encourage these trips down memory lane. I worried one day Charlie too, like Rene, would tire of me and demand the old Bella back. I wanted him to have positive memories with this Bella too—my Bella. So he wouldn’t feel her loss so greatly–and just maybe, he could find a family in me too.

“I’m glad I seemed to have conquered it. I would have been the laughing stock of the school if I had gone out on the dance floor like a baby Bambi.”

“There was this one time I flew up to Arizona to go to your daddy-daughter dance,” he said around a smile. “You slipped probably 10 times on that slick floor but I always kept you up.”

“Rene took a video of the whole thing. You should ask to see it when you visit your mom next.”

I didn’t tell him I had seen many family videos during my time with Rene as a part of her “reconditioning” efforts. Most of them had been with her and Bella on their misadventures together: ballet, hiking, arts and crafts, school field trips, etc. They were all very sweet but obviously they couldn’t bring back memories I never had. It was a wasted effort. Honestly, I think it did more harm than good because Rene was constantly reminded of how different I was.

“Maybe I will,” I said softly. Rene was still a sore spot. Whenever I worked up the motivation to contact her, our conversations quickly turned ugly. They were going so poorly that even Charlie didn’t nag me to call her any more.

“I was also thinking it’d be nice to go on a fishing trip soon. Maybe over spring break?” It would be nice to have some one-on-one time with him. I knew how much he loved fishing, and I didn’t think Bella had gone with him on one in ages.

His brows shot up in shock to confirm my suspicions. “You, Isabella Swan, want to go fishing? With me, your old man, during your only time off from school?”

He barked out a laugh as if it were the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “I never thought I’d see the day. I’d love to, Bells.”

I smiled at him warmly. “Sounds like a plan.”

The sound of a car pulling up into the driveway diverted my attention. I looked at Charlie confused. It was pretty late for anyone to be making a house call.

“It’s for me,” he sighed. “Harry called earlier and asked if I would come over to help him work on his boat so we can go fishing tomorrow afternoon.”

“This late?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Chief Swan, I believe it’s well past your bedtime.”

He huffed at me as he went and grabbed his coat from the rack. “Cute but no. Doesn’t work both ways.”

“Why not go tomorrow morning?”

“Sunday mornings are sacred, Bells. You know that. No one’s waking up early if they can help it–I’d rather work on this now and get it out of the way.”

I leaned over the back of the couch as he made for the door. “Did you wait around all this time to make sure I got home safely?”

He gave me a look that questioned my intelligence. “Of course. Who else would keep you kids accountable.”

If I were an actual teenager still, I might have found Charlie to be overprotective or silly–misinterpreting his motivation and all his rules as means to control me rather than help me. But I found his fatherly concern to be endearing. As the distant parent, he might have tried to win me over by being easy going and lax. But instead, Charlie rose to the opportunity to be a strong father figure. I respected him for that.

I got up from the worn, green couch to give him a big hug. “Thanks for always watching out for me. You’re a pretty awesome dad.”

Charlie hugged me back with a slight bit of hesitation. Even after the time we spent together, he was always so shocked whenever I initiated something as simple as a hug. It really made me bitter against Bella. I didn’t understand how she could have taken him for granted and left him alone for so long. I knew it was probably hard having two parents across the United States from each other, but the books never explained why she grew apart from Charlie. Maybe it was easier to forget him than feel guilty about not spending more time with him.

He cleared his throat before patting my back and stepping back. “Now, I’m coming back tonight so don’t go running off or inviting anyone over.” He fixed me with a stern gaze.

Technically, I wouldn’t be inviting anyone over after he left. Edward was already here.

I rolled my eyes. “Do you have Laverne watching the house again? Leave that old woman be–she’s busy enough as it is,” I laughed. Laverne was our neighbor across the street. She was a widowed old woman with nothing better to do than be the resident nosy neighbor of our street. She knew all the comings and goings of our little block–that’s what she liked to think anyway.

Charlie chuckled as he made for the front door. “I mean it, no guests. Go to bed.”

I waved him off as he left and I heard the car pull away. I let out a long sigh before glancing at the stairs that would lead to my room–and my vampire boyfriend. While I appreciated Charlie’s concern, I was very much capable of making my own bad decisions. And I was ready for the consequences.

…

For all his bravado earlier, Edward actually seemed nervous as I shut my bedroom door–the brief few minutes I was gone seemed to have left him too much time to reconsider. I found him pensively pacing my room. I was shocked the finish on the hardwood floors hadn’t worn away by the time I arrived.

“This is a mistake,” he said, wringing his hands against each other. “It’s too risky.”

I leaned against my bedroom door and watched him for a moment—the glow of his skin in the pale moonlight from the window, his tousled bronze hair, his dark brows that perfectly framed his golden eyes. I wanted to completely devour him. How ironic it was that I found myself more the predator than the prey.

His anxiousness was quite adorable. There was a shyness to him that I didn’t often see–an uncertainty. There was more to his apprehension than what he wanted to let on.

I reached behind my back to unhook the top of my dress and pull the zipper down low so the rest of the dress simply fell in a bunch around my feet. Edward froze, his eyes unable to tear away from me–his words suddenly forgotten. With nothing more than a pair of black, lace trimmed underwear, I walked over to him slowly.

Our unwavering gaze tethered us to one another—an electricity traveling through the space between us, lighting my body on fire. I tentatively reached out toward him and let my fingers graze the side of his neck before intertwining with his hair. Edward shivered at my touch.

“Izzy,” he warned, deep and low. While I knew he meant to keep me away, his tone was a jolt of pleasure I felt deep in my core.

I flicked my gaze upward to look at him through my lashes. Edward’s eyes were lidded and full of longing—only the slightest traces of reservation could still be found there. Very carefully, his hands found the soft curve of my hips. His touch engulfed me in a cold flame that I wanted to envelop my entire body. I could feel my heart thrumming heavily in my chest. Never had I wanted something so fully in my entire life.

He pulled me flush against himself, my bare breasts pressing against the thin fabric of his shirt. He dipped his head close to mine so that our noses just barely touched.

“I’ve never done this before,” he said breathlessly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

I captured his lips in mine before he could even think of pulling away.

“It seems we want two different things then,” I said around a smile. “Because I’d love nothing more than to be completely destroyed by you right now.” There were worse ways to die…I thought. I knew I should probably be more cautious as well–just somehow that part of my brain wasn’t working at the moment.

Edward kissed me back, with a strong unyielding force that took my breath away. “You will be my undoing,” he said but I could tell that this was a battle I had won.

Before I even registered what was happening, my back found the soft mattress of my bed. I yelped out but my voice was cut off when his lips crashed into mine again—a fervent, wild sort of desperation as his hands ran up my body.

His body was pressed into mine, his groin nestled snugly between my legs. A moan escaped my lips as his hands explored my body, his fingers following an invisible path along my skin. When he slowly allowed them to trace around the swell of my breast I felt dizzy with the pleasure of his touch.

“Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” I gasped as he took my nipple into his mouth, his tongue flicking across the sensitive skin. My breath hitched as his finger slid beneath the band of my underwear, tugging them down in one swift movement.

His dark gaze bore down on me, a hunger so intense, I finally felt something twist in my stomach. But it wasn’t fear. It was anticipation.

“Izzy, in all my years there has never been another that even remotely captivated me as you do.” He leaned back and loosened his tie. “I am possessed by you, body and soul and I don’t think I’m going to be satisfied until I’ve tasted every inch of you.”

True to his words, I spent the next delicious minutes writhing in a pleasure I had never known. I didn’t know how much time passed but my body had worked up a sweat and my breathing was coming out unsteady breaths.

“Edward,” I moaned, entangling my fingers in his hair. I wasn’t sure I could take much more without passing out–I was almost lightheaded with ecstasy.

I tugged on his locks so he knew this was different from the countless other times I had called out his name since we started.

His eyes lifted to mine from where they were between my legs, a wicked smile on his lips. He had been relentless—my body at the mercy of his unwavering and methodical attention. From the first lick I was done for. He ran his tongue over his lips as if to savor the taste of me.

“Get up here,” I commanded.

As he slowly crawled up on top of me, I hooked my leg around him and he allowed me to roll him on his back.

“It’s my turn.”

As I inched down, my hands made quick work of the buttons on his shirt. I slid my hands beneath the fabric and let them skim his smooth skin. I left a trail of light kisses down his chest. I felt him tense as they neared his waist. I stopped right below his navel and tugged playful on his pants

“Too bad these are—“ before I even finished they were gone in a blur leaving him in a pair of navy boxer briefs. The bed had only shifted ever so slightly.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s quite a trick.”

“Thought I’d help,” he said with a cheeky smile.

“Ever eager,” I teased.

I let my finger trace down the length of him and he hissed with pleasure. “Izzy…”

I lowered my head and continued my trail of kisses, slowly pulling down his underwear as I went, until he was fully exposed. I gently took hold of his erection and licked up his shaft slowly. When my eyes flicked back up at Edward, his arms were above his head, gripping onto the headboard. I had no doubt that the meager metal of the headboard wouldn’t last through this.

His hair was disheveled and his breath seemed strangled–his mind too preoccupied to remember that he doesn’t even need to breathe. I grinned up at him before taking the base of his co*ck in one hand while taking the rest of his length into my mouth. The resulting growl actually shook the bed.

I slowly stroked him and let my tongue lavish him with the same amount of blissfully intensity he had provided me. It wasn’t long until he became rigid and I heard the snap of the metal at the same time he exploded in my mouth. As I came off him I couldn’t help but be overcome with a sense of love as he looked at me with such unspeakable adoration.

I hated to cut such a wonderful moment short, but my mouth was full of potentially hazardous material that I was definitely not comfortable swallowing at this time. I slid off my bed and quickly shuffled into the bathroom where I spit the mouthful into the sink. While it looked like normal sem*n it definitely didn’t taste like it. Strangely enough it was slightly sweet, but nothing like what I was expecting.

I rinsed my mouth out before returning to my bed–feeling completely exposed running around my house butt naked. Edward was already clothed with his shirt and underwear pulled back up. He still wore a dazzling smile at the sight of me as if my mere presence was enough to light up his world. His arms were outstretched as I crawled into bed and snuggled against him.

“All things considered, I think we made out pretty well,” I said, looking up at the mangled frame of my bed.

An entire section had been snapped off and bent into an unrecognizable shape.

He chuckled into my hair. “I suppose you're right.”

I beamed up at him. “This was fun. We should do it again sometime.”

Edward fixed me with a mischievous grin. “I’m available most nights.”

But then he sighed, a touch of sadness in his eyes. “But I worry what might happen if I become too comfortable with you, Izzy.”

“Practice makes perfect,” I countered with a sweet smile and a bat of my eyes. “But I doubt we could do this when Charlie is home,” I admitted with a sigh. “So these night sessions will probably be far and few between.” I hadn’t nearly had enough of him yet.

“I can be quiet,” he mused, as he stroked the hair from my face. Despite his own reservations he must be of the same mindset.

I laughed. “But I can’t. I think I probably woke my neighbor up.”

“I didn’t peg you for a screamer,” Edward said around a smirk.

“Oh, I'm loud and proud,” I said around a laugh. Quiet sex definitely wasn’t my forte. If you didn’t hear me, something wasn’t going right. It actually made for a very awkward sex life in my previous relationship because they knew when I wasn’t into it. I didn’t believe in faking anything. Tried that once and it was miserable.

He leaned up momentarily, seeming to drink in the image of me with his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m dreaming,” he whispered softly, letting his fingers dance along my shoulder to a silent melody. “You are simply too perfect for my world.”

I sighed deeply–a bit of sadness and happiness at the same time–and reached up to stroke his cheek. “If anyone is dreaming, it’s me.” I said with amusem*nt. “Men like you only exist in stories.” A bit too close to the truth of it all.

He huffed. “Maybe as a monster.”

“I do love a supernatural romance.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “What will I do with you, Izzy?”

I thought about it for a moment before answering. “Continue to love me and keep me supplied with a steady source of caffeine.” The two things I need in this life: Edward and coffee.

“Are you sure about that?” He planted a soft kiss on my forehead. “Because I can provide endless supplies of both.”

“Sounds like heaven,” I signed contently. “I love you Edward.” And I knew I did. Implicitly. Without a doubt.

“I love you too, Izzy. Always.”

Chapter 18: The Cat Whisperer

Chapter Text

“It really doesn’t make sense how you’re so good at this,” I commented begrudgingly as I scrubbed the bottom of the cat cage.

Jasper sat cross legged on the floor, surrounded by a half dozen cats that meowed and rubbed their pelts against him vying for his affection. Jasper scratched behind the ears of a fluffy cream colored cat in his lap, that purred contently.

“They know me,” he explained simply. Never had I seen Jasper look so comfortable, so at peace. “You haven’t earned their trust yet.” For once, he didn’t look so tense and on edge. I don’t think I’d ever seen Jasper this happy.

“Isn’t using your powers on animals cheating?” I countered, as I moved on to sifting excrement from litter.

Since Jasper was obviously the resident cat whisperer, it was quickly decided that he would distract them while I cleaned. I was beginning to regret this arrangement. But when I happened to make eye contact with a slim orange cat and it hissed at me through slitted eyes, I remembered why I chose what I did.

I was surprised to find out that Jasper had chosen the local animal shelter for our volunteer assignment–even more so to find out that this was actually something Jasper did quite regularly. He volunteered multiple times a week here. You couldn’t walk past a single cage without an animal crying for his attention.

“I’m not influencing them at all right now.” He placed the cream colored cat down and began to stand up, a black and white cat leaping from his shoulder where it was perched to the ground below in an elegant leap.

I gave him a doubtful look. “Aren’t animals supposed to hate you? Ultimate predator and everything that you are? Can’t they tell you eat their larger cousins?”

Jasper smiled as a kitten crawled its way up his pant leg like he was a tree, unwilling to let Jasper be. “I use my gift the first few times I meet a new animal, but once they learn I mean them no harm, it’s no longer necessary.”

He picked up the small kitten and held him close to his chest. The kitten swatted at his chin playfully. “A lot of animals in shelters are already distrustful of humans—in one way or another they have been betrayed by them: neglected, forgotten, abandoned, abused.”

If what I knew of Jasper's backstory remained true for this world, he was also once betrayed by some he trusted and misguidedly loved. I was happy he had Alice now—someone that would never take advantage of him.

“Once they realize not every person is going to hurt them, they open themselves up to trust again.”

“I’m honestly surprised,” I said, braving the cat who had decided I was a tolerable alternative if Jasper wasn’t readily available. “I didn’t pick you for a cat kind of guy.”

He smiled wryly. “Neither did I. Animals and vampires don’t cross paths much except for the rare occasion someone is crazy enough to try and adhere to our particular diet.”

“If it weren’t for Alice I probably never would have.” Setting down the small kitten, he walked over to me to assist me with cleaning the last few cages. “My gift makes it difficult to be around others at times—people have such complex and intense emotions. Animals are simple. It’s almost relaxing to be around them.”

“What about me?” I asked. “Am I easier to be around now that you’ve been around me a little bit more? I know Edward said my emotions were a little bit much for you. I’d say I’m sorry, but I can’t really control them”

He barked out a sudden laugh as though I had surprised him. “I’d say it's different, not necessarily easier. You have much more depth to your emotions than the average teenager who feels things quickly and rampantly, but a lot of it is fleeting–humans can be so easily distracted. You, darl’n, it’s as if you are at war with yourself and you’re taking me to the battlefield with you. Your feelings cut to a depth I can’t even fathom–you’re feeling anxiety, fear, depression, and guilt, all at the same time you are also hopeful, curious, and even a bit excited.”

Huh. Excitement. I wasn’t expecting that one but I guess Jasper would probably know better than I would. He’s been reading people for a few hundred years after all. But what he was saying made sense–I often felt like I was drowning in my own emotions. There were too much for me too. Granted, I had a lot more going on than your average 17 year old.

He shook his head but couldn’t rid the smile from his face. “But since dating my brother? I’d say it’s definitely shifted. Those feelings are still there to some degree, but they are being suppressed or at least, you aren’t focusing on them. Instead, I’m being suffocated in y’alls whirlwind romance. I’m honestly happy for you both, but I already have to deal with Emmet and Rose–I didn’t realize how much worse it could be, or how intensely Edward would feel for that matter.”

I felt the blush come to my cheeks and looked away. It’s not like I should feel embarrassed for the way I feel, but still, having them privy to someone else besides myself felt a bit awkward. I could only imagine how people felt about Edward being able to read their mind. It’s not like they were able to choose their gifts–these abilities probably proved to be more of a nuisance for them than anything. I annoyingly also realized that when I was near Jasper, Edward would also be able to read my emotions from Jasper’s mind. For some reason I found that irritating–like he was cheating somehow.

I felt Jasper’s hand on my arm and I looked back. His golden eyes conveyed his apology. “It wasn’t my intention to make you uncomfortable–I’m sorry. I’m glad the two of you have something in your life now that makes you feel the way you do. I wish everyone were able to find someone like that.”

I nodded. “Thanks, it’s fine. I just thought I was safe without Edward being able to pick through my head. It’s strange to think I’m such an open book to you.”

“On the contrary,” he said. “You are incredibly hard to read. I have no idea why you feel what you do, or why certain words or conversations put you on edge. You don’t react the way I expect you to–it’s baffling.”

“Ah, yes,” I laughed. “Edward often tells me the same thing.”

“Oh well, I guess everything will clear up soon enough.” I sighed, a small sense of trepidation creeping in the back of my mind. Spring break was right around the corner now.

I picked up the bottle of all-natural cleaning fluid and a roll of paper towels ready to finish cleaning this cage. What better way to stave off the unwelcome thoughts than monotonous work? I just wish that work was slightly less smelly.

“You know you’re family now, right?” Jasper’s words made me do a double take back in his direction.

“Not to be too forward,” he started with a sympathetic smile. “But Esme is practically bursting at the seems to meet you. She gushes about you nonstop, and she hasn’t even met you yet.”

“Oh goodness, Jasper, don’t tell me that! Now I have expectations to live up to.” I knew I’d love Esme. How could I not? She was described to be the most lovely, caring woman you’d ever meet–despite her unnatural affliction.

“I just mean, that whatever happens over spring break, you’re one of us now,” he said, his tone reassuring. “Whatever you have to tell us won’t change that.”

I felt my eyes prick with tears, his unexpected kindness and acceptance warming my heart.

“T-thanks,” I mumbled. I didn’t quite feel like Jasper and I were on hugging terms yet, but he seemed to understand the gratitude I wanted to convey.

“So,” I said, clearing my throat as I turned back to the task at hand. “Can’t you just clean all the cages in just a few seconds so we could spend the rest of the day playing with cute animals?”

“Some things are worth taking the time to do them,” he countered in a very old sounding voice.

I looked at him doubtfully. “This doesn’t feel like one of those things.”

He grinned evilly. “And rob you of the self rewarding task of hard work and community service?”

I frowned and he laughed.

“Fine,” he sighed, rolling on his heels and in a blur disappeared.

I only barely registered the snap of the cage latches locking into place before he was back in front of me. The cats didn’t so much as rustle, the only proof of his action the slight stirring of their fur.

“Damn” I said, glancing down the rows of cages. They were spotless. “It’s a wonder how any of you can do things at a human pace. I feel like it would just drive you crazy to do things so slowly.”

Jasper shrugged as he kneeled down to pick up another cat–he seemed just as drawn to them as they were to him. It purred happily in his arms.

“Like I said,” he continued, smiling back at the fluffy ball of fur. “Some things are worth the time.”

“But driving,” Jasper wrinkled his nose as though something greatly upset him. “I could go a few hundred years without needing to abide by modern day traffic laws—that,” he emphasized. “is infuriating.”

I laughed. “I’m curious—how many speeding tickets does one accrue over a hundred years.”

His lips twitched into a smile. “None.”

I balked at him. “None?” I repeated incredulously.

“I can be charming when I want to be, darl’n.” He said with a wink. “You’d be surprised how far a kind smile will get you in life.”

“I’ve never been so lucky,” I huffed.

“Maybe you’re not as delightful as you think,” he teased, good-naturedly.

“Ha, ha,” I said, rolling my eyes but couldn’t help but smile. So he jokes now. It was nice to see Jasper open up.

“And maybe you have an unfair, supernatural advantage,” I shot back.

He shrugged. “Maybe that has something to do with it, but I’ve always been able to talk myself out of most situations. Have a way with words as my momma used to tell me.”

It made me think back to the dance, and how Jasper was able to diffuse Emmet. I imagine he’d be able to know what kind of effect certain tones and words have on people after so many years of experiencing others’ emotions. While Jasper's words seemed aggressive—maybe that’s the best way to get through to Emmet.

“So who’s your favorite?” I asked, kneeling beside him where the cats were gathered. There were about 12 cats in the room—each seemingly completely enamored with him.

He gave me a reproachful look. “One doesn’t pick a favorite amongst their children—it breeds jealousy.”

I laughed. “Okay, cat daddy, who’s your problem child then?” I had my eyes on the orange one—it still looked at me as though it would slit my throat if it had the opportunity.

Jasper fixed me with an amused glance. “Don’t be so hard on Miss Daisy—she’s a senior citizen and deserves your respect.”

At that, he reached out to her and she immediately melted under his touch, reverting to that of a playful, sweet kitten.

“Suuuuurrre,” I drawled sarcastically. I wasn’t buying it. If Jasper wasn’t here I’m sure I’d be minced meat.

“She’s the newest resident here—I’m still working with her,” he said as he looked at her fondly as if she wasn’t the devil reborn.

“No, if anyone is giving me trouble, it’s this guy,” he said, scratching the fluffy cream one from earlier between his ears.

“That one?” I asked, tentatively reaching out. I was quite pleased with myself when he nuzzled his muzzle against my hand. “He’s the nicest one here.”

Jasper sighed. “And yet he’s been returned 6 times over the last few months.”

At my confused expression, he continued to explain. “They say he’s dissociative. He’s comfortable here but when they get him home he hides and won’t come out. It’s unfortunate but most people don’t have the patience or desire to help an animal adjust–they’d sooner just return them and cut their losses.”

I sat down so the cat could crawl into my lap. Poor little guy. “What’s his name?”

“Gumby.”

“Gumby?” I laughed.

“He barely has any teeth—most had to be extracted when we got him, which is unfortunate since he’s so young.”

“Well he’s a sweetie.” Gumby yawned contently to show off his four or so measly teeth.

“I might have to take him to my farm if he doesn’t get adopted soon though. It’s not good for animals to stay in shelters for too long.”

“You have a farm?” I mean, they were wealthy enough that it would make sense they had additional residences all over the place—hell, Carlisle even bought a freaking island for his wife. But somehow, a farm just threw me.

“I might have a thing for strays,” he admitted, indicating he’s taken in quite a few animals under his care. “I have property out in Texas that I have maintained as kind of a sanctuary for unwanted animals that I end up taking home.”

I laughed at the image conjured in my mind of Jasper walking into Esme’s house with a box of kittens. “So the animals don’t do well in a house full of vampires?” I asked sarcastically.

He grimaced. “Not usually—which is why I started the farm. I’ve tried incorporating animals over the years into our family’s home. But even with my gifts, it’s hard for them to forget their survival instincts with so many of us around. That and it doesn’t help that Emmet torments them whenever he gets a chance. He loves to scare them.” He rolled his eyes irritably. “He’s a child.”

I couldn't help but laugh. “I bet Esme loves the pet hair too.”

He grinned widely. “Oh it drives her mad.”

“I’ve managed to keep a few pets over the years at Alice’s and my personal residence. They are nice company to have around—even though they are only with us for a short time, I feel like they bring a warmth to our home.”

It was so strange, to be here at a pet shelter having this conversation with Jasper Hale, probably the last person I thought I’d be spending time with. I looked over to Jasper and watched him play with the cats, flitting a long stick with a string and a dangling feather around for their entertainment.

“I’m sorry for misjudging you.”

He smiled without taking his eyes away from the cats. “Izzy, you are supposed to be wary of vampires. It’s actually natural–healthy even.”

I rolled my eyes and nudged him with my elbow. “I’m sorry for thinking you were worse than Rosalie.”

He paused briefly and fixed me with a horrified look. “You thought I was worse than Rose? Now that cuts deep.”

I smiled, happy Jasper didn’t seem to hold any of my presumptions against me.

“I know a way you could make it up to me though,” he said coyly, his teeth flashing with his grin.

I looked at him quizzically. “How?”

….

Edward was waiting outside the shelter to pick me up. As Jasper and I exited the building and he caught sight of us, his face instantly fell.

“You didn’t!” He cast his accusatory declaration at Jasper who seemed incredibly smug.

I shifted the weight of the carrier to my other arm. “Well, technically,” I started, coming to his defense. “He didn’t make me do anything I wasn’t willing to.”

“I knew this was going to happen,” Edward bemoaned. He narrowed his eyes at Jasper in condemnation. “I told you not to!”

Jasper shrugged. “Yeah, but I never agreed to it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as Edward moved to slug Jasper in the arm, but Jasper quickly side-stepped him.

“Wait,” I said between a giggle as Edward managed to lock his arm around Jasper’s neck. “You knew I’d be coming home with a cat today? Because I’m honestly quite shocked.”

Edward growled as Jasper managed to slip his grasp and dart behind me, using me as his human shield. I rolled my eyes. Thanks, Jasper.

“I had my suspicions,” he grumbled. “You have no idea what manner of creatures mysteriously “made their way” into my bedroom: parakeets, rabbits, snakes. I even had a couple of beavers at one point. Jasper is always playing at Dr. Dolittle.”

Jasper grinned unapologetically. “Who else could I trust to look after them? Emmet? I’d come home to chaos–besides, you had nothing better to do.”

Edward ran his hands through his hair and sighed deeply as though he were trying to regain his composure. He fixed me with an apologetic grimace. “You don’t have to keep that little mongrel just because Jasper asked you to.”

“Gumby,” I corrected, pressing my lips together so I could try to be serious for a moment. “His name is Gumby, and he needs us, so you better get used to him. You’re basically his dad now.”

I lifted up the small kennel so Edward could get a better look at him. “Say hello to your son.”
Gumby hissed at Edward when he caught sight of him. I guess this would take some getting used to for everyone.

Jasper could barely contain the laughter that was shaking his frame. Edward shot him a murderous look. “You’re dead to me,” he muttered at him, running a hand down his face in defeat.

“Alice didn’t even have the decency to warn me.”

“I imagine she was persuaded not to,” I guessed, looking over my shoulder at Jasper.

“Well, let’s get you home.” Edward said, plucking his keys out of his pocket. He shot Jasper another look. “I don’t want to see you again for the next decade so make yourself scarce.”

Jasper crossed his arms in nonchalance, clearly not taking his threat seriously. “You’ll thank me later. Alice told me as much.”

Edward let out an exasperated laugh. “I’d like to see that.”

“Come Edward, we need to get Gumby home.”

“Gumby…” Edward repeated under his breath a bit miserably.

I smiled warmly at him and stood on my tip toes so I could kiss his cheek. “Come on, it’s not that bad.”

Edward lips drew into the cutest pout I’d ever seen. But there was no changing my mind. I couldn’t make poor Gumby go through being returned again. He needed his forever home.

“I hate cats.”

“Well cats hate you too,” Jasper said but quickly made his way to his car when Edward took a step toward him.

“See you later Jasper,” I called after him. “Thanks for today!”

Jasper smiled at me warmly. It was strange how quickly Edward and his family were finding their own places in my heart. Rosalie was still a work in progress, but hey, there was time. And now I had one more to add to the list.

“I’m sure he’ll warm up to you,” I said as Edward took the carrier from me to put it in his back seat. Gumby yowled and I could hear him scramble around his cage. Poor thing.

After shutting the door, Edward buried his head into my shoulder.

“Are you mad?” I asked patting his back. I honestly didn’t realize Edward was going to be so adverse to the adoption.

“At you? Never.” He leaned back up to capture my lips in a long gentle kiss. “But promise me you’ll call me before Jasper saddles you with another monstrosity.”

I laughed and kissed him back. “It’s a deal. Besides, I’m still not sure how Charlie is going to react. How long do you think I can hide Gumby in my bedroom without him noticing?”

Edward gave me a skeptical look. “Izzy, litter boxes smell. They are kind of noticeable.”

I thought about this for a moment. Hmmm, I didn't think about where I’d have to keep the litter box. I wouldn’t have to keep it in my room would I? “Maybe Jasper could potty train him to go outside?”

Edward shook his head. “I think you are grossly overestimating his abilities. But he got you into this mess so it’s the least he can do.”

“Who knows? A week from now, you and Gumby might be best buds!” Why not be optimistic?

He fixed me with a doubtful look as he let me into the passenger side of his car. “I highly doubt that.”

Chapter 19: Everything All at Once

Chapter Text

“I shouldn’t be this nervous,” I said, pacing out front of Edward’s house.

“You really shouldn’t,” he replied with an amused shrug. He seemed perfectly at ease at least.

“God, this is going to go badly, I just know it,” I lamented.

“They can hear us, you know.”

“I know they can hear us, Edward,” I shot back with irritation. Who could forget that privacy was a luxury not many were afforded here in Forks.

School just let out for Spring break, which meant my time was up. I had been on edge for days. Jess had pulled me aside and asked if I was pregnant–I presume the normal thing a teenage girl with a new boyfriend would be freaking out about.

“It can’t go nearly as bad as when I met Charlie,” he tried to reassure me.

I stopped suddenly, remembering when Edward had come to pick me up for the dance. I knew exactly how it was going to go when I came downstairs to find Charlie cleaning his shotgun.

“Oh you don’t think they are going to non-verbally threaten to kill me,” I laughed. Now that would be an interesting turn of events.

Edward frowned at me. “No I don’t think that would be incredibly appropriate—even in jest.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure your parents are just wonderful but…” my eyes trailed to a gorgeous home that even with all its beauty still somehow seemed ominously looming. “This is kind of a lot all at once.” My gaze flicked away from the white home once again as I paced.

“If officially meeting your parents wasn’t stressful enough in a normal situation, having to dredge out all the sh*t out in front of your family—it’s going to be…uncomfortable.” Now that it was time, the truth felt lodged so deep, so safe within me, the idea of bringing it out into the light felt wrong.

“There are reasons I haven’t shared what I know up until now.” And some things I still don’t know if I can, I thought to myself. I began to chew on my lips nervously.

I felt my breath hitch. Oh sh*t. I thought, staring at my hands. I’d begun to shake. Is this the beginning of a panic attack? I had worked myself up too much. Maybe I should have just gone in right away.

I felt my legs give from under me and the lightless feeling made my stomach churn for a moment as I waited to hit the ground. Except I wasn’t fainting—Edward had instead swooped me into his arms and was now carrying me away from his house.

“While I appreciate the save, I really don’t think I can avoid this any longer,” I said, making an extra effort to focus on my breathing.

I hadn’t even registered how fast we were going until Edward stopped beside a creek in the middle of the woods—his home nowhere in sight.

“What are you-?”

I didn’t even have time to yell before I was tossed into the creek. The cold water a frigid slap to my senses. I sat up in the middle of the creek, soaked head to toe.

I stayed there in stunned silence for a moment, staring in disbelief at Edward’s unapologetic grin. I splashed water at him to which he dodged which was equally infuriating.

“What the hell?!” I shrieked at him standing up. My clothes stuck to my frame and made the horrible “shhrlurp” noise as I peeled it back and reintroduced air between my skin and the wet clothing.

“You happy?” I asked miserably, wringing out the hem of my shirt. “How is dripping on Esme's floors going to make this situation any better.”

Without feeling the need to explain himself, Edward kicked off his shoes and slipped off his coat before jumping in after me, causing a new wave of water to splash over me.

I laughed in disbelief, wiping the water from my eyes. “What are you doing?”

I felt his arms close around my waist, picking me up. The water continued to stream past us at a slow lazy pace. It was right above my knees and came half way up to my thigh. “Distracting you.”

His eyes were kind and playful—golden and mesmerizing—and they were mine.

“Don’t you think this might have been a bit much?”

“You’ll find that I don’t do anything in half measures”

“Lucky me” I mumbled, kissing the corner of his jaw.

I did feel much better, surprisingly. “Did Alice put you up to this?”

I watched as a bit of a frown flashed on his face before he hid it. “No, you only have me to blame for this particular diversion.”

Oh? I took a step back and waded through the water, fixing my gaze on the colored stones beneath my feet.

“Do I want to know?” I asked, reaching down in the water. Edward followed me silently.

“Alice asked that she be the one to talk to you about it.”

“Hmmm.” Well, that can’t be good.

I hefted up a river stone that took both my hands to pull up from the water. I trudged over to the embankment and sat it down, returning my gaze to the water to search for more.

I had accrued a small pile, Edward watching me carefully possibly trying to make sense of what I was doing. After a few moment he gave up.

He tentatively placed a stone down on top of the ones I had placed with a sheepish bit of curiosity—as if I might rebuke him for placing an incorrect stone that went against the design in my mind.

I gave a supportive nod and he helped me continue my small pile until it rose from the ground in a small tower.

“My dad was a huge rock guy,” I explained, setting a small jagged pebble on top to complete the stack. “He’d collect river stones whenever we went on vacation. It didn’t matter where we were, if he saw an accessible river off the side of the road, the next thing I knew there we were, rolling our pants legs up, getting ready to wade in. He’d pull a whole bunch from the river that he thought he’d like but only kept his favorite. The rest, we’d set up in little towers like this. Sometimes, we’d come back the next year and we’d still find it. Sometimes people would add to them.”

I held one stone in my hand. It was long and rectangular with red marbling streaking through it. There was nothing overtly special about it—but reliving these small memories made me smile. I slipped it into my back pocket and sighed. It felt like a lifetime ago.

I sat down on the embankment letting the water run past my legs.

“Do you have any good memories of your previous life?” I asked because I desperately needed to know in that moment if becoming a vampire meant losing all the moments I had.

Edward sat beside me, allowing our shoulders to touch. “When we turn, a lot of our human memories become foggy. They aren’t necessarily gone but it’s hard to recall them with great detail.”

“Our vampire senses are so powerful, we see and remember things with perfect clarity. To try and remember and see things through our limited human eyes is difficult but not impossible.”

I could feel his eyes on me, questions of his own likely bubbling underneath.

“But I could never forget my mother.”

I could feel the hope swell in my chest at his words.

“I’ve often painted her in fear one day I wouldn’t be able to recall her face. Maybe that’s what’s been able to keep her memory so alive.” He smiled fondly. “I remember her warmth, the love I always felt. She was always so supportive—and encouraged me to explore my creativity. I was lucky.”

“She’s why I followed the arts growing up and didn’t go down a more ‘practical’ career such as my father.” I could hear a bit of bitterness in his voice when he mentioned his father. I didn’t know anything about him but it was evident there was a rift between the two.

He sighed. “But I suppose it was his dedication to his work that afforded my mother the life she was able to have. For that I can not begrudge him.”

I leaned into Edward. “Do you miss being human?”

Edward was silent for a few moments. We listened to the pull of the creek, and the gentle breeze that tousled the leaves on the trees above.

“Yes, and no.” His eyes had pulled together as if he too were still deciding on the answer. “I hate what we are—what we have become.”

“It repulses me that I must constantly end life in order to sustain my own. I am the creature of fiction—of nightmares. I should not exist in this world.”

I closed my hand around his and his gaze fell to our intertwined hands. “But if I was not what I am, I would never have met my new family. I would never have met you.”

His eyes found mine, pained with a duality of love and misery. “I know that I am truly evil because I consider the lives I have stolen to be a necessary tragedy if it meant that path would lead me to you again. I am not good, Izzy. I am more demon than man and my intentions are anything but pure. My own selfish greed is what keeps me from being able to leave you. I know my world is dangerous—that I should try to keep you from it for your own safety. But I can’t even do that. For all my strength, I am weak.”

“And how it torments me,” he continued, his voice struggling to stay even. “To know that I am willing to risk your life if it means I can stay near you.”

“I desperately wish there was a version of me that could do what is best for you and stay out of your life. But I honestly cannot fathom an existence without you.”

He squeezed my hand tightly before letting it go. “I am the worst thing that could have happened to you, Izzy.” His body became rigid, as if he were bracing himself for something. “I needed you to know the depth of my depravity and to give you this choice knowing full well the monster I am.”

“What choice?”

His eyes belayed a deep rooted sadness. “Now is your chance to run away. Tell us nothing. Leave this world behind. Live anywhere but here and forget about us—about Forks.”

Before I had a chance to answer, he held up his hand, his eyes pierced by the conflicting emotions in his mind.

“Don’t take this lightly because I’m not sure I’ll have the strength to ask again.”

There were so many thoughts racing in my mind I found it hard to find my footing against the swell.

I had been mistaken before, when I had thought Edward wasn’t worried about hurting me—that he was so confident in his control that there was no possible way I’d get hurt. Instead he had come to terms that it was a risk he was willing to take in order for us to be together.

It was a risk I’ve always been aware of as well and have pursued him regardless. I was just as implicit in this as he was. I knew dating a vampire could have very permanent consequences. But I too, as impossible and irrational as it may be, was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. The thought of losing him caused me just as much torment as it did him for me.

Edward could be so blisteringly honest—so raw with his emotions and feelings. He didn’t hide things to make me feel better or to keep me from worrying. He wanted to be completely open and lay everything out. Something I hadn’t been able to do with him. He deserved to know before everyone else—just as he gave me the opportunity to leave without explaining anything to any of them.

I realized I was going to do what I told myself I never would. I would tell him the whole truth—as painful as the outcome may be. Edward was giving me my out. I should do the same for him.

“Don’t cry Izzy.”

Edward wiped away the tears that began to trickle down my cheek.

“Have I scared you?”

I shook my head adamantly. “No, I just really appreciate you talking with me about this. You’re a better person than I am—stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

I let out an uneasy breath. “Because I wasn’t willing to risk losing you Edward,” I admitted casting my eyes down. “I wasn’t going to give you an out…I was going to tell you just enough to get by and take the rest to my grave. But I can’t. It’s not fair. And you deserve more.”

I sniffed back the tears, feeling the strain in my throat as if my body was fighting against the words before they left my mouth. “Even if it means I’d lose you.”

“I don’t need to know,” Edward said softly, willing to stay in the dark than ever risk losing me.

“But I need to tell you.” As much as I didn’t want to I knew I had to.

“Edward,” I started. I couldn’t even keep the tears at bay as they flowed freely. “I’m not who everyone thinks I am.”

“Then who are you?”

I smiled weekly and looked up into his eyes. “I’m honestly not even sure any more. I don’t even know if I’m human. I’m something other, like you and your family—something that, by all logical reasoning, should not exist.”

“A few months ago..I died.” I hadn’t actually said those words out loud before. I was too scared to acknowledge it—like if I did, the dream I was in would just be over and I’d be thrown into a world of darkness instead. If I didn’t pretend that I just woke up one day as Bella, then death wouldn’t come for me again.

“But then the craziest thing happened,” I continued, casting my eyes back toward the water—wishing I could just slip into the current and be drawn away from this moment. But I couldn’t keep running.

I took a final deep breath knowing full well this admission could change everything. “I woke up as someone else.”

I couldn’t even bring myself to let my gaze peek over to gauge Edward’s reaction. I felt ashamed. Ashamed of hiding this from him, for letting him believe I was someone else. I felt like a fraud.

“I’ve never been Isabella Swan—I can’t remember her past because it’s not mine. I had an entirely different life, a different family…a different face.” I stared at my distorted reflection in the water as I remembered the differences between who I was and who I am.

I laughed, feeling a bit of hysteria in my voice. “I’ve been masquerading as her this entire time, trying my best for no one to catch on.”

“And I’m terrified,” I admitted, clenching my hands so they wouldn’t quiver so much. “Because I know no one would believe me if I told them. That saying anything might mean losing those around me. I don’t want to spend my time here locked away in a padded room. I don’t want to be alone.”

I felt Edward’s hand brush across my cheek, pulling the veil of my hair away from my face. “And you’ll never have to be.”

He tilted my chin up so I was forced to look at him. His eyes were tender and warm. I saw no trace of the disbelief or rebuke I feared I would find. He seemed happy, relieved almost. He always knew I was keeping something from him—despite my apprehension, he seemed elated to have me finally share this part of myself with him. “If you’ll have me, I’ll always be with you.”

I sniffled, his words easing an ache in my chest. “You promise? I’ve lost everything and everyone I’ve cared about before. I can’t go through that again.”

He leaned down to kiss the corner of both my eyes where they were still wet with tears.

“As far as I’m concerned the less human you are, the better suited we are for each other.” He smiled widely.

“I’ll remind you of that if I come back as a worm next time,” I laughed, wiping away my tears.

“There won’t be a next time,” Edward said, hugging me close, a slight rumble in his chest. “I won’t let anything take you away from me.”

I continued to cry, in my wet clothes, in the middle of the woods, in the arms of a vampire—and I was probably the happiest I’d ever been. Because there was finally someone in this world that knew me, the real me. There would be no more secrets, no hidden truths. I could just be me—and he’d accept me just as I was.

“You really believe me?” I asked when I caught a breath between sobs.

I could feel Edward smile into my hair as he kissed the top of my head, keeping me in his tight embrace. “I’m a vampire. There’s not much that I won’t believe anymore.”

When my sputtering finally stopped, we stayed just as we were, letting the forest envelop us in its stillness. I had half a mind to feel embarrassed but I didn’t. Edward was privy to all of me now—even the version of me that could happy cry for hours with snot dripping down my chin.

I sighed. But I still felt gross now. “One second,” I said as I slipped back into the creek, completely submerging myself under water and rubbing my face vigorously. I stood and slicked my hair back away from my face. The cold water stung against my cheeks, hot from crying, but it felt good. I felt lighter, knowing I didn’t have to hide anything from Edward. But there was a lot more to talk about and probably not enough time in the day to get through it all.

“So,” I started cleaning my throat, and ringing the water from my hair. “I imagine you have questions.”

He sat on the embankment, his hair disheveled and his shoulder wet with my tears, and a crooked grin on his face. “More than you know.”

I nodded my head. “Think your curiosity can wait till tonight? I imagine your family is wondering where we are by now.”

Edward shrugged and kicked water at me. He laughed at my unamused frown as I darted out of the way. “But they can wait a bit longer. I want to make sure this is still something you want to do.”

Edward lent me his hand as I stepped out of the stream. I looked around me, at the woods, at the creek, the leaves that rustled amongst the blades of grass. This was my life now. I knew it. Whatever came our way, we’d weather it together. I smiled at him broadly. “For better or for worse, I think we are stuck with each other, Cullen.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He tilted his head up at me. “Do you want me to still call you Izzy?”

I thought about it for a moment. While I wasn’t Bella, I also wasn’t who I used to be. I was someone new, sort of. It would be weird to be called by my old name while in this body. I’ve come to take on the moniker of Izzy as my own.

“Yeah, Izzy’s good.” I said extending my own hand for him to take as he stood to his feet. “It feels right.”

Edward brought me into a hug and breathed in deeply. “Who knew my sexy, intriguing, and brilliant human wasn’t a human at all.”

I laughed. “I like to think I’m a human hybrid—of sorts. I still bleed at least.”

“That you do,” he murmured, planting a kiss on my throat. “But not on my watch.”

I leaned back, eyes still stinging, lungs aching in the aftermath of my sobs, and sopping wet. I was a mess.

“What now?” I asked with a laugh, gesturing between the two of us. “How do we explain this?”

Edward shrugged as if there was nothing wrong at all. “We don’t have to explain anything.”

I squinted at him skeptically. “You don’t think anyone is going to ask?”

Edward picked me up in one quick swoop and I found myself cradled against his chest. “Well, if you feel so inclined to answer, tell them the truth.”

“That you tossed me in the river?

“Exactly–the perfect icebreaker don’t you think?”

I laughed and he smiled warmly in response.

“Okay then,” I said, stealing my nerves. “Let’s do this. But first,” I looked into his eyes and found the strength I needed to do what needed to be done today. “Let me fill you in on a few things along the way.”

….

“You’re soaking wet,” Rosalie stated drolly, taking us in as water dripped off our clothes and onto the wooden floors of the foyer. She stood there, with narrowed eyes, a bit of irritation in her tone as if she were admonishing us for being late.

“Yep,” I said simply. I looked up at Edward, “Can I borrow a sweater or something?”

Alice materialized next to me not a moment later, a large cream colored cable knit sweater in her hands for me. “I think a change of clothes is a great idea.”

She draped her arm around me delicately and lead me around the corner to a sizable bathroom on the main floor. I had peaked around as we made our way, but no other Cullens were in sight.

What was probably considered the “guest bath” seemed more like a spa when considering the traditional half-bath one expects to find when visiting someone’s home. It had a definite greek flair with lots of stone work and colorful tile.

“Wow,” I murmured looking around.

Alice beamed. “Esme designed everything in the house herself! Each room is a little different and is reminiscent of some of our favorite homes around the world.”

I forgot just how rich they were. If being a different species wasn’t a whole thing on its own, I was starting to feel the difference in class as well. I glanced down at my outfit, wondering if Alice judged me for my off brand, everyday wear.

“Now,” Alice continued. “This sweater is Edward’s. It will become your favorite sweater, so you’re welcome in advance.”

I laughed. “Are you allowed to be giving away his things so freely?”

She waved her hand at my comment as if it were an absurd question. “Edward gets paint on anything nice–by giving it to you, I’m practically saving it.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I began to pull my wet clothes off over my head.

“But I believe Esme’s jeans will be a better fit for you than any of Edward’s pants,” she added, turning away politely. She tapped the counter where a folded pair of dark blue jeans awaited me.

It felt so nice not to be damp any more. I nuzzled my cheek into the shoulder of what felt like the softest sweater I’d ever worn. It had a trace of Edward’s unusual scent–always a mixture of the crisp outdoors and something sweet.

I looked back over to Alice’s smug ‘I told you so’ expression, and I rolled my eyes.

I lowered my voice despite knowing there really wasn’t a point. Walls and doors meant little to supernatural hearing, but I desperately wanted a bit of assurance this was all about to go well.

Before I even opened my mouth to ask Alice how this conversation with her family would turn out, she silenced me by placing her fingertips to my lips. “I don’t know, love.” She gave me an uncertain smile. “You haven’t decided what you want to tell us yet.”

I felt my shoulders droop in dismay. Even future me was a mess.

“But,” she added, taking my hands in hers and giving them a supportive squeeze. “We will always be friends, won't we? So there’s really nothing to worry about.”

Despite her attempt to cheer me up, I sensed a reserve in her tone which surprised me. I tightened my grasp on her hands.

“Is there something you aren’t telling me Alice?” Edward had eluded as much when we were in the river earlier. Was it a vision she was keeping from me? A future neither of them wanted to come to fruition?

Alice pulled back slightly but not enough for me to lose my hold. “Alice, please tell me. Is there something I should be looking out for? I don’t care how bad it is. I’d rather know so I can be prepared for whatever is coming my way.”

Alice’s eyelids fluttered uneasily and she looked away, down at our hands. “It’s not quite what you think.”

“Then what is it?”

“I do see us being great friends–of that I’ve been certain for a while,” she started. “But…”

“But?”

She let her golden gaze reach mine again. “I don’t know for how long.”

I felt my stomach drop, a chill washing through my body. What did that mean?

Alice sensed my dread and quickly added, “It’s not like that! I just…don’t see you very well.”

I felt the muscles in my shoulders begin to relax as death wasn’t necessarily looming in my immediate future. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Your future–I don’t see it the same way as I do for other people. It’s always in flux,” Alice started, her eyebrows knitting together with a bit of frustration. “It’s like flipping through the channels of a television, never stopping long enough to get a full picture of what was going on–just a glimpse. I’ve been able to piece certain things together like your involvement with my family. I saw what you would become for Edward and how close the two of you would be.”

“But the further I try to look into your future–it’s just static.”

I was deathly silent as I absorbed all of this information. “Has that ever happened before?”

She looked at me solemnly. “Never.”

“But that doesn’t mean…t-that I’ll die?” I said, trying to understand in the calmest way possible.

She shook her head adamantly. “No, nothing like that. If I tried looking into the future of someone who would die soon, it would just be blank–there would be nothing to see. But for you, I can tell something’s there, I just can’t make it out.”

I nodded, holding on to the glimmer of hope that this deviation from canon wasn’t certain doom. While Bella was a shield, her powers blocking certain vampiric gifts like that of Edward from reaching her, Alice’s gift had not been included on that exclusive list. I let out a shaky breath, forcing my chronic anxiety not to flair up before the next big revelation of the day. I just needed to take this information, absorb it, and move on. I could contemplate the implications of it later.

“Thank you for telling me.” I embraced Alice and brought her into a tight hug to the point that it was a bit painful.

Everyone relied on Alice’s gifts so heavily. I imagined it was difficult for her to have this lapse in sight–it was probably even frightening. I knew too well what it was like to be haunted by the unknown. Alice felt so small in my arms. If she wasn’t so dang strong, I’d be pressed to forget she was a lethal, immortal being.

“You aren’t upset?” She sounded relieved but a bit confused at the same time–as though she were expecting a different reaction.

I pulled away slightly so I could look down into her sweet, angelic face. How could anyone ever be mad at someone so adorable?

“Of course not, Alice. This is completely out of your control.” I narrowed my eyes reading between the lines of what wasn’t being said. “Why would I blame you for that?”

She smiled at me warmly, stood on her tiptoes and pecked my cheek. “I’m happy you’re with us now, Izzy. I think we will all be better because of it–and I don’t have to see the future to know that.”

“That is yet to be seen.” We both turned to see Rosalie as she lingered in the doorway of the bathroom, her eyes as skeptical as always. “Are you two quite done yet? Everyone is waiting.” Without another word, she turned on her heels and left.

Alice sighed. “Come now. I suppose we shouldn’t dally much longer.”

I walked side by side with Alice as I returned to the foyer. Edward waited for us, wearing a new outfit of his own. It was darker than the normal tones the Cullens wore. The turtleneck he wore was a deep forest green that made his features seem sharper and more pronounced–and if possible–even more handsome. Beside him he was joined by Carlisle, a warm smile on his face as I approached.

“Izzy, so glad to see you again.” There was always something about Carlisle that put you at ease. His countenance was always so disarming–it was similar to how you feel around any adult you trusted implicitly like a parent, aunt, or teacher.

He felt authoritative, but kind. Someone to be respected but also confided in. After meeting him again, I was almost sure he had to have a gift of his own, even if not as pronounced as the others in his family–it would explain how he made friends so easily and had this inane ability to bring people together.

“You are always welcome at the clinic, but I have to say, I’m glad you haven’t had need for my services since we met last.”

“Ah, yes. Well, I’m trying to keep my near-death experiences to a minimum.” I wasn’t incredibly confident, but you have to shoot for the stars right?

I caught a glimpse of Edward’s disapproving expression–apparently he didn’t find the subject quite as amusing. He gravitated back to my side, as he always did when we were apart for any length of time, his hand slipping behind my back in its usual resting place.

“Welcome, Izzy!” I turned as a woman entered the room, her hair a soft bouncing toffee-brown. The woman’s face emulating a tenderness and warmth that was unexpected for a first meeting. “It’s lovely to finally meet you. I’m Esme. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to meet sooner!”

Upon first impression, Esme reminded me a lot of Alice–something about the way they radiated their own sort of brilliance–I felt naturally drawn to their light.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Esme. Your home here is lovely.”

Esme smiled more broadly. “Thank you. This home is a culmination of many things I’ve come to love over the years. I’m happy someone is finally able to appreciate it–I’d love to take you on a tour later. There is much to see!”

I smiled at her enthusiasm. “I’d love that.”

I began to wonder if I had just become desensitized to the whole “vampire” thing because I truly didn’t feel any fear around any of Cullens. However, a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye did send a prickle down my spine as I caught Rosalie’s glare from the other room. Well, maybe I wasn’t completely immune.

“Oh, I also have something for you!” Esme disappeared for a moment and returned with a white, porcelain cup–an intricate blue design of small birds and flowers laced around the outside. A line of steam lazily drifted from the lip.

I took the cup and relished the way it instantly warmed my hands. It smelled heavenly. “I appreciate this more than you know,” I said wistfully, taking a long sip. It tasted just as divine.

I could have maybe assumed the Cullens had a coffee pot of some kind around the house as part of their standard ruse–normal human things to keep around to curb suspicions. But espresso? That required a far more complex machine. That would be an intentional purchase.

My eyes flitted toward Edward, who wore a sheepish grin.

“I asked Edward to show me how to make it just the way you like!” Esme beamed, very proud that her practice had paid off.

“Oh so you know how to make coffee now?” I asked, nudging Edward affectionately.

“I’ve been practicing,” Edward admitted, looking slightly embarrassed.

“It’s given us an excuse to finally use the kitchen,” Carlisle laughed.

“Thank you, Esme. It’s wonderful.”

Rosalie silently entered the room. She didn’t have to say anything to let everyone know she was not happy. It was clear she was upset with the pacing of the afternoon.

Edward’s eyes flashed over to Rosalie suddenly. “Keep your thoughts to yourself.”

Rosalie sneered at him and crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. “Keep your creepy, lurking ass out of my head.”

“Rose,” Esme admonished sternly.

Rosalie straightened slightly, but still kept a decent amount of sass in the way she set her hips. “Are we all ready to move this conversation along?” She asked, indicating to the room adjacent.

Carlisle looked at me expectantly. “Izzy, are you ready?”

I sighed, and I felt Edward’s hand close around my hand reassuringly. “As I’ll ever be.”

We followed Rosalie into the next room, and I felt a bit of fluttering in my stomach as my nerves began to flare again. I was surprised to find myself in what appeared to be a dining room. I joined the others at a very long official looking table where Emmet and Jasper had already taken their seats. It was a strong and sturdy table looking more like something of a library or law office than something to eat on.

Despite the presence of a china cabinet full of delicate dishes and finery, I doubt many meals were shared here. I sat down my cup and took a seat between Edward and Alice. I’d need their support if I were to make it through this conversation without melting into a puddle. I gave Jasper and Emmet a small smile. Rosalie tapped her fingers on the tabletop in impatience.

“Izzy,” Carlisle began, drawing the attention of the room. “First, I wanted to start off by thanking you for agreeing to meet with us today. We are all well-versed in keeping secrets, as you know. We aren’t used to letting many people in on them—let alone a human.”

“Our survival and way of life is dependent on such secrecy. So you can understand how we were all fairly alarmed when it became apparent you knew what we were.” He paused and I managed to finally meet his gaze. Carlisle’s eyes weren’t accusatory or seeking to place blame—instead they held genuine curiosity.

“So how is it that you came into the knowledge of the supernatural?”

There was a moment of silence only interrupted by the beating of my own heart as I felt it thrum in my chest. Something about being in the gaze of so many vampires always caused my pulse to quicken. My mouth felt dry. I gave one last glance over at Edward. He wasn’t staring at me like the others, maybe he could sense how ill at ease I was under so many watchful eyes, but his hand tightened around mine to let me know it was alright.

“I honestly didn’t believe it myself at first,” I started slowly. Still deciding how much I wanted to reveal to them. “It wasn’t until I met you all,” I said, looking around at the faces that had become so familiar in such a short time. “That I realized vampires were real—and even then, I wasn't able to prove it to myself until Edward saved me from the van.”

“For a long time I just thought I was crazy.” I distinctly recall the immense relief when I realized all this was real. When Edward had pushed the car away, he revealed more than just his supernatural speed and strength.

Emmet chuckled. “For the record, I still think you are.” When he caught sight of Esme’s frown, he cleared his throat and sat a little straighter.

“But what made you suspect us to begin with?” Carlisle pressed. “Our secret isn’t normally outed so quickly. Did someone tell you we were here?”

“No one told me, really,” I started. “It’s closer to that of a vision,” I attempted to explain without getting into the whole ‘you’re all just characters in a teen romance novel’ thing. “When I had my accident a few months back and lost my memories—they were replaced by knowledge of you and your family.”

Maybe in time I could open up like I did to Edward, but not today. We had enough to cover without introducing reincarnation.

Rosalie scoffed. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

I shrugged. “I agree. None if it makes sense—which is why I’ve been a basket case for the majority of my time here.”

Jasper leaned back in his chair, a serious look of contemplation upon his face. “Why approach us at all? Knowing what we are?”

“Because I know our fates are irrevocably intertwined.”

“You can see the future?” Alice asked in awe, she leaned in eagerly. “Do you have a gift like mine?”

“Not exactly. I only know of one possible future, and it’s not 100% accurate as I’ve discovered. Some things change, some things stay the same, and some things don’t happen at all.”

“Well, let’s start with what you do know.” Esme smiled at me encouragingly.

Could I really sum up four books in this one conversation? “That might take a while to completely go over, but I have a basic outline of things that will happen over the next few years–if things continue to proceed as they have.”

“Incredible,” I heard Carlisle murmured. “As a human, for you to have such powerful abilities–it’s almost unheard of.”

I wondered if Jasper would understand the guilt that washed over me with my half-truths. But letting them think I had a gift of foresight was better than explaining an impossible reality none of them would be able to accept, right? I unconsciously flicked my gaze over to Jasper. Could he tell when I wasn’t being totally honest?

I swallowed nervously when I saw his eyebrow quirk up quizzically when our eyes met. I cursed internally as he began to say something.

“Anything we should know about?” Jasper asked, always the strategist. “I imagine there was a reason you’ve been holding off on telling us up until now.”

Ah. Yes. The other reason I didn’t want to tell the Cullens what I knew…because…well…there’s not really any good news.

“Because…” my brain wracked itself for some kind of answer that sounded better than the truth. But that wasn’t what this meeting was about. I let out a resigned sigh.

“Because, I put your family in danger,” I admitted, feeling sick just saying it out loud. “My presence in your lives is the first of a series of events that risks everything.”

The silence was palpable. It was thick and condensed and for a moment I thought I might choke on it.

I felt the roar before it fully left her lips. Rose was on her feet, her mouth curling into a terrifying snarl.

“I knew it,” she spat at me, her fist slamming on the table. The wood groaned under the force. The magnitude of the table suddenly made sense. “I knew she would be nothing but trouble. I knew it!”

“Rosalie, that’s enough.” Carlisle’s voice was even and calm as he addressed her, but the power in his tone made Rosalie stop short.

I noticed Emmet’s hand steady on her shoulder as if to keep her from lunging at me from across the table. I’m not sure when I was moved, but Edward had positioned himself in front of me. Jasper remained in his seat, but his eyes were locked onto Rosalie with an intensity that implied he was helping in more ways than one.

Alice patted my other clenched fist that was under the table–my nails biting into my palm. “No one is going to hurt you, love. You’re safe here.”

“Like hell,” Rosalie countered.

“Let her explain,” Alice insisted, her eyes flashing icily. “We are all here to listen.”

Rosalie refused to sit back down but instead shook off Emmet’s hand and stood behind her chair and gripped the wooden back as tightly as she could without splintering it. I noticed Esme’s wince as the chair creaked beneath the force of her grasp.

Edward shifted back in his seat, but still protectly leaned into me. “Maybe we should call it for today,” he suggested. “Let everyone cool off a bit.”

“No, I promised I would share what I knew. We need to do this now.” Letting this drag out any more wouldn’t benefit anyone at this point.

I looked back and addressed Rosalie as I continued, gripping Edward’s hand for the strength I needed. “If things continue as they are, I will cause your family to risk being exposed to the town, killed by an army of newborn vampires, threaten the treaty with the werewolves, and potentially be wiped out by the Volturi–”

“Wow…that’s a lot to unpack.” Emmet squinted at me from over the table. “She realizes she’s not helping her case right?”

“But,” I emphasized, flashing him an irritated glare before returning to Rosalie. “Knowing what could happen allows everyone here to make a choice.”

“What do you mean?”

I looked over at Edward nervously and he nodded his head for me to continue.

“I haven’t felt in control of my life in a long time. I’ve been desperately trying to make sense of what is going on and change the course of fate–but I haven’t been very successful.”

I looked at everyone in turn. “And I don’t want to take away anyone else’s choice if I can help it. I want you to know what might happen if Edward and I stay together here in Forks, and what that might mean for you. Which will allow you to make a choice: we stay here and face whatever comes our way together, using what I know and Alice’s visions to help guide us out of any immediate trouble. Or Edward and I leave Forks—hopefully giving you all a fair shot at a normal and safe life.”

A stillness settled over the table at what I was offering. I saw a flash of surprise in Rosalie’s eyes as she considered my proposal. I knew she considered me selfish–which, to a degree I was. Neither Edward or I were willing to give up each other, but we could do right by his family. I think she was taken aback that we were willing to walk away and not just force this on them. She paced as she deliberated the options.

“What would leaving accomplish?” Alice asked, a small pout on her lips–clearly not thrilled with the idea.

Her reluctance to see us go meant more to me than she might have realized. I was always shocked by their continued acceptance of me in their lives–Alice especially. Yes, seeing the future probably helped with that a bit, but even Jasper had been supportive of our relationship, sooner than I would have even guessed. I wonder if his close relationship with Edward in this world had something to do with that.

“As far as I’m aware, it’s our presence in Forks that is the catalyst for many of the problems that come our way. I can’t guarantee it, but if we were to leave Forks, then there’s a greater chance none of it will ever occur. If we can avoid the first event that starts everything—we theoretically will never have to deal with any of the rest.”

“Oooh, is it a fight? Tell me we get to fight someone.” Emmet seemed a bit too eager as he rolled his shoulders back. “Things have been so boring lately.”

Jasper scoffed. “Boring? Picking up after you is a full time job.”

“No one asked you to,” he pointed out dryly. “How about you stay out of my business.”

This time it was Edward that spoke up. “Emmet, if we didn’t stay on top of you, our secrets would have been revealed long ago.”

“Boys!” Esme reprimanded sharply when Emmet went to shoot back with something snarky. “Let’s hear what Izzy has to say.”

I gave Esme a small smile as I continued. “Emmet’s not wrong. There will be a fight–a fight I hope we can avoid. We should win the fight, but the aftermath is what will cause us so many problems down the road.”

“There is a small coven of vampires that will pass through Forks. Over spring break you would invite me to watch your family’s baseball game–”

“…baseball?” I looked up at Emmet's confused expression. “Since when do we play baseball?”

“You don't?”

“We prefer soccer,” Edward said with an amused grin.

“Huh, okay.” Another inconsequential difference I supposed. “Well anyways, at the game this coven happens upon us. Their leader is James. He is a gifted tracker and with an affinity for challenging hunts.”

I felt Edward’s grip tighten around my hand. I had given him a quick run down before we made it back to the house, but I hadn’t gone into too much detail.

“He decides to hunt you.” It wasn’t a question–he knew where this was going.

I nodded my head reluctantly before turning back to the group. “He catches my scent and decides to hunt me when he realizes how important I am to Edward. There’s a whole multi-day chase thing that ends with me self sacrificing myself when I think he’s kidnapped Rene, my mother. There is a tussle but it all ends up okay. I survive, but so does his mate, Victoria. It’s her plans of revenge that create a domino effect of dangerous situations.”

“Can’t we just get to them first?” Jasper asked, “Kill them before they become a problem?”

Carlisle leaned forward, a look of serious contemplation upon his brow. “I’m hesitant to take any life–especially before they’ve even done anything wrong. To be executioner for a future that may or may not even happen seems unnecessarily cruel.”

“So what? We wait around until they become a problem? Isn’t it too late at that point?” Jasper countered.

“Are we forgetting there’s another option?” Rosalie had been reserved until now, just taking everything in as she seemed to deliberate silently. “Edward and Izzy have offered to leave. We might not have to face any threat at all.”

“You would abandon your brother in his time of need?” Esme did not seem to consider our departure as a legitimate possibility.

“This is his choice, Esme. He is not a child.” Rosalie looked across the table at me–the malice in her eyes had been soften with something else. “They have given us a choice as well–one that will save us from having to needlessly risk our lives. We should at least consider the alternative they have offered us.”

“Is there any guarantee these vampires won’t happen upon the two of you when you are alone?” Carlisle asked. “Even with your gift, Edward, I don’t like those odds.”

“No, we don’t really know what will happen if we leave.” Edward admitted.

It honestly terrified me–because at that point, nothing I knew would help me prepare for the future.

“But if there’s a chance we could help you all avoid any danger — we are willing to take it,” I told them. I didn’t know them all very well, but I wouldn’t wish any hardships on any of the Cullens.

“I feel like I’m missing something.” Emmet sat back, a look of confusion on his face. “Wouldn’t turning you be the simplest option? I mean, it’s not like you plan on staying human forever, right?”

I was not prepared for the utter look of disdain that flashed across Rosalie’s face before she addressed Emmet. “Not everyone considers our way of life as a welcomed alternative.”

But he was right. Turning me would ensure that my blood didnt entice James and the keep the Volturi, if they found out about my existence, from threatening the coven–for now at least. If I was a vampire, I wouldn’t require so much protection.

It made perfect sense. It was the logical decision. Saying goodbye to those I knew here and the life I had made would be hard. I wouldn’t prefer it–but I would have Edward and the Cullens as my new family. I think I would still try to incorporate Charlie in my life and make that work somehow for as long as I could.

But in order to become a vampire…I would have to die first. And the last time I died I came back as someone different.

The first time I was really considering being a vampire, the thought took me off guard. I didn't even realize that by becoming a vampire, I would, for all intents and purposes, be dead. So what happens to my soul? How would I know it would stick around this time and not fly off somewhere else. So yes, I was terrified. Terrified of what might happen I were to actually die in this world—that it could separate me from Edward.

“Turning me would upset the local wolf pack, but it’s not like they could do much without proof if Edward and I disappeared first. But, if possible, I’d like to push off becoming a vampire for as long as possible.”

“And we wound’t ever expect you to make that kind of decision,” Carlisle added. “No one here chose this life for themselves.”

Emmet seemed uncomfortable as he leaned back in his chair.

“Sending you off seems like abandoning you,” Alice frowned. “And since Izzy is so hard to see in my visions, I don’t know if I’d be able to warn you in time if danger was coming your way.”

“Not to mention the drama it would cause if the two of you just ran off,” Jasper added. “ Izzy is not yet 18 and her father is the police chief—it wouldn’t die down quickly. It could cause some trouble for us in town.”

Carlisle fixed his eyes on Edward. “I don’t think leaving is a viable option right now.”

“Then where does that leave us?” Rosalie asked.

“I think all we can do is wait and be vigilant.”

And we were—but as the days turned to weeks and weeks to months without the danger I was dreading ever manifesting, life inevitably returned to normal.

I took that fishing trip with Charlie. We finished out the school year. I went to prom. Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmet graduated high school (for the upteenth time) and we were deep in the thralls of summer vacation. No James and Victoria. No wild goose chase. No dance studio face off.

Leah and I started that book club we talked about—Jacob wasn’t thrilled about having to socialize with a “Cullen” but I think Leah’s apparent disregard for Tribal superstations eventually let him warm up to him. When Jacob realized Edward was also a huge car nerd they started chatting in a technical language that was lost on me.

Leah and Edward engaged in deep philosophical debates on book characters and bickered about the intended meaning or message the author had when writing the book. I remembered when we spent two hours just discussing “but why cats” when we had read the first book of the Warrior series (a personal favorite of mine when growing up that I forced the group to read despite it being a kids book). With the addition of Angela, Ben, and Alice, we had a good group that met a couple times a month.

Things were good. Supportive friend group, amazing boyfriend, a found family in Charlie and the Cullens. With the big bad danger avoided, I should be over the moon happy right? This was the best outcome possible.

But despite everything going so well…I couldn’t relax. Something just felt off. Maybe it was my paranoia but I couldn’t accept that something so pivotal to the plot could just be skipped over. It felt wrong. It made me jumpier than usual — I couldn’t help but expect something to be lurking, ready to jump out at me when I least expected it.

Once spring break passed uneventfully, I had a hard time sleeping. When I’d finally begin to drift off, something would snap be back to consciousness in frightful fit. I’d sit up in bed, heart beating out of my chest, blood pumping in my ears—adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Edward would always soothe me back to sleep but I was incapable of getting what most would consider a “good nights rest”. I was lucky to get 4-5 hours. Eventually, Carlisle prescribed me some sleeping pills. But even though I started sleeping through the night again, I felt exhausted.

I was over at Edward’s house one day, unapologetically drinking another one of thier amazing espresso based drinks—decaf as it was decided I didn’t need the caffeine—when Esme recommended we get out of town for a bit.

“Your wasting away, Izzy,” she said, placing cool hand against my cheek, assessing the bags beneath my eyes. “You need a break.”

“You could join me and Jasper on our trip! We are going to Ireland,” Alice chirped beside me as she flipped through a stack of latest fashion magazines, many not in English.

“I think some time away would do you good,” Esme agreed. “Get your mind off things.”

Everyone has been expressing varying degrees of concern over the last couple months. It’s not as though I wasn’t myself, but even the clatter of a stack of plates going into the sink might make me leap from the couch and let loose a startled screech. I couldn’t help it. I was just on edge all the time.

Maybe some time away would be good. Lord knows Charlie needs a break from me. He’s been tiptoeing around the house, always afraid of spooking me.

“Never mind,” Alice murmured, her eyes losing focus for a moment as she stared blankly across the room. “It seems Edward already has something planned for the two of you.”

She shot me a cheeky smile as it was clear she wouldn’t share any more details of her vision. “You’re going to love it!”

Chapter 20: Edward’s Favorite Place

Chapter Text

I came down the stairs to find Gumby contently curled up on Charlie’s lap as he flipped through the channels on our living room television. I wasn’t sure how Charlie was going to react when I came home with the fluffy creature, but they had surprisingly become fast friends. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just the teensy bit jealous that Gumby clearly preferred Charlie’s company to mine. He was skittish at first, just as Jasper had warned. I tried coaxing him from out under the furniture and when that didn’t work, I tried leaving him be so he could adjust on his own—all to no avail. It wasn’t until Charlie had scooped him a plate of lasagna and placed it on the floor that Gumby came out of his own volition to join us. I was honestly shocked.

“How did you know he’d come out for that?” I had asked, stunned.

Charlie shrugged while scooping another large piece onto his own plate. “Who doesn’t like lasagna? Oh wait…” he drolled. “Edward.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Edward had managed to weasel out of any meal at our house. Even lasagna night. Normally, you’d think Charlie would be hard pressed to invite Edward to anything, but now that he knew Edward had an aversion to joining us for dinner, it was Charlie’s mission to ask him every chance he got.

“That’s how I know there’s something wrong with him, Bella.” He said plopping down at the kitchen table. “The boy’s weird.”

So after that day, Gumby had been coming more and more out of his shell, but was particularly attached to Charlie. Even my vain attempt to scoop him his own plate of lasagna one night before Charlie came home didn’t make a difference. He was definitely a one person kind of cat and he had chosen–the treacherous Garfield.

I leaned over the back of the couch and scratched the kitty between his ears and he purred loudly. Ok, I thought, I’ll accept being second.

“I’ll be back in just a few days. I’d say don’t worry about me, but I know it’s against your nature.”

Charlie gave me a sidelong look. “You know it, kid. I’m just a call any way if you need saving.”

I rolled my eyes. “Will do, chief. There’s a strong likelihood I might take you up on that offer. Not sure how many makeovers and pedicures one can endure in such a short amount of time.”

I had gotten Charlie to agree to a few nights stay over at Alice’s for some “girl time”–of course, only after he was assured by Carlisle that Edward and the boys were going camping and wouldn’t be home.

Did I feel a little guilty deceiving him? Yes, but I’m fairly certain I would be grounded indefinitely for even asking if I could take a couple’s trip with Edward. Well, he might have a heart attack first, then come back from the dead to ground me.

“Well, tell Alice I said hello. She’s a good girl. Sweet and responsible. I’m glad you’ve made a couple good friends here.”

“You know, Edward is sweet and responsible.”

Charlie choked on a cough startling Gumby and sending the cat scrawling for cover under the adjacent recliner. He shot me a stern glare beneath his bushy brows as he recovered.

“I’m going, I’m going. Love you.” I laughed, toting my duffle bag with me over to the door.

“Love you too, Bells.”

Alice was waiting for me outside my house. She stepped out of a black SUV I wasn’t familiar with but must have been one of the many luxury cars the Cullens had at their disposal. With her signature, brilliant smile alight on her lips, she embraced me warmly.

“How I wish we really were having a real sleepover. It would have been fun,” she pouted.

“True but can it really beat two weeks in Ireland with Jasper?” After our staged pick-up, Alice was off on a trip of her own.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m with Jasper all the time. You, on the other hand, are hard to get a hold of.”

I blushed at the insinuation. I made an effort to hang out with my friends and keep in touch with everyone over the summer, but I was definitely allocating the majority of my free time to just one person.

“Well, I’ll let you schedule a real sleepover next time. I’m sure you’ll find the best time for it,” I said with a laugh. Who better to schedule an event than the girl who knew everything.

She squealed happily. “Oh, I was hoping you’d say that!”

I drove with Alice to the little local airport just outside of town, where we met up with the boys. The SUV was huge in comparison to how small Alice was. I was surprised that this was her vehicle of choice. It must have been the highest level trim of the vehicle with a sunroof, tan leather interior, heated seats–the works. The luxury of it seemed very her, but I couldn’t help but smile watching her drive this enormous vehicle.

“Have fun!” Alice called after her and Jasper after we met up. “You’re going to have a great time!”

I stood there with Edward, scrunching my face as I considered just how much of our trip she had actually seen.

“I imagine Alice is plagued with a lot of unwanted information.”

Edward laughed, understanding my line of thinking. “You have no idea–but generally, if she understands where things are going, she’s able to turn it off.”

Edward took my hand in his as we made our way back to his car.

“So how is my wayward son,” Edward asked, opening the door to the silver Volvo.

I narrowed my eyes at him as I slid in the passenger seat. Edward thought it was hilarious that despite my best attempts to woo Gumby’s affections, the cat always ditched me as soon as he heard Charlie’s cruiser pull up in the drive.

As far as Edward was concerned, it was a blessing. Whatever kept the cat away from my room and hissing at him the better. Edward had tried to get along with the cat, but any time they were in the same room, Gumby would be in the furthest possible corner from him.

I think that was another thing Charlie and Gumby bonded over–their mutual dislike of Edward.

“Heartbroken that his dad doesn’t spend more time with him,” I teased.

“Uh, huh,” Edward smiled and leaned in, planting a kiss on my cheek and buckled me in. “I’m sure he’s just distraught.”

As we pulled away from the airport, I gasped when I noticed something nestled in the middle console. “For me?!” I asked, taking the cup in my hands before he could answer.

Edward laughed. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled before taking a long sip. “Courtesy of Cafe Cullen?”

“I’ll have you know, our entire kitchen has been converted into a working coffee shop. Esme has gone a little overboard—every time she comes home, there’s a new brewing method sitting on the counter.”

I smiled warmly. “She’s too sweet.”

I’d been spending more time at the Cullen’s house since we had that first gathering in their home. Esme made sure I knew I had an open invitation. I could now confidently say it felt like a second home. Esme had a knack for making you feel welcome and wanted. I didn’t realize how much I had missed a maternal figure in this life until Esme began showering me with her love—such a contrast from the disappointment and resentment Rene had toward me.

We fell into easy conversation as we drove. Edward rested his hand on my thigh as he drove, his thumb sometimes tracing small circles on my leg that sent shivers through my body. I lost track of time as we talked and the houses and small businesses melted away into dense forest. I stared out the window and watched the light glimmer of Lake Crescent as we drove past it. We were about two hours into the drive before I thought to ask where we were going.

His eyes sparkled mischievously. “Don’t like surprises?”

“I mean, I like the sweet ones—unexpected gifts or gestures. Not the jump out of the dark and scare you senseless kind,” I answered skeptically.

“Duly noted. But you needn’t worry—it’s the good kind.”

While I told myself, I’d be patient and wait, once we crossed the border into Canada my curiosity was once again piqued. Even more so when Edward had my passport on the ready—something that I had thought was tucked in some safety deposit box back in Arizona since it was not one of the items Rene had sent with me when I moved. She probably thought I wasn’t well enough to travel or that I might try and run away—who knows?

“Jenks?” I inquired after we pulled away from the border.

There was mention of a human that helped the Cullens acquire similar documentation in the books. Someone that knew there was more to the Cullens than a dazzling smile, but knew not to ask the obvious questions. I imagine he was very well compensated for his discretion.

Edward’s brows raised unexpectedly. “You even know about Jenks?” He chuckled with a shake of his head. “What don’t you know?”

I rolled my eyes. “Our destination for one,” I reminded him with a flick to his arm.

“But more importantly,” I looked out at the exit sign we were approaching. “If I’ll make it there before I piss myself.”

“One rest stop coming up.”

I dunked a fry into a small cup of ranch while taking note of Edward’s smug expression. We stopped at a fast food joint that was right off the exit so we could kill two birds with one stone.

“You want me to ask again, don’t you?”

He shrugged and leaned over the table, steepled his hands in front of his smile as though it might hide his excitement.

“If you can’t wait.”

I grinned back at him. “No, I can wait. The question is, can you? You’re practically bursting at the seams.” I pointed a fry at his direction, dripping a dollop of sauce on the table top. “Your resolve about not telling me has dwindled with each mile.”

“In all my years, it’s one of my favorite places.” His voice was wistful and full of longing. “I just can’t wait to share it with you.”

Something about the way he said it had me blushing. Wanting to share something with me that meant so much to him, it felt incredibly intimate.

While in the books, one of Edward’s favorite places had been a meadow somewhere close to Forks–something picturesque, open, and tranquil. Would I find myself somewhere similar? Or would he surprise me yet again.

“You’ve done it now. You’ve talked it up too much. Now my expectations are too high.”

Edward smirked confidently. “I’m certain you’ll love it.”

As we continued our drive, I was certain he was right. It was simply gorgeous up there. The tall trees, the rolling mountains, the last remnants of winter clinging to the ground—while I’d never seen any of this before, it felt sweetly nostalgic. My last road trips had been many years before when work and obligations didn’t interfere with anyone’s schedules. My siblings and I were off from school and simply at the whim of whatever place fancied my parents that year. They loved camping and visiting all the local state parks. I’d never gone this far north before so it was exciting to see something new.

“You need to pull over and find yourself a snack or something? I’m sure there’s a rogue elk or moose somewhere.” I was joking but honestly, I wasn’t sure when Edward ate. He was with me almost all of the time now but his constant golden eyes indicated a well-fed vampire boyfriend. It had to be at night when I fell asleep but he was always there whenever I would wake up. The only time he wasn’t around was when I had a movie night with Charlie or to hang out with my less supernatural friends.

Edward chuckled and shook his head, that crooked grin alighting his face. “No, but I appreciate the offer.”

When he turned to face me, there was a curious gleam in his eyes. “It still amazes me how amiable you are to all this—and my particular situation.”

I was amused by the notion that the Cullens probably thought I was the weird one in all this.

“I guess you lucked out since the alternative involves me screaming, running for the hills,” I mused. “You’d have had to lock me away in your dungeon or something.”

A wicked grin made its way across his face. “You know, it’s not too late—I’d be happy to chain you up for a bit.”

I think my shock outweighed my embarrassment. I co*cked an eyebrow in his direction at his brazen statement. “Who knew you were hiding such a deviant beneath that good boy facade.”

“You’ve simply opened me up to an entirely new realm of possibilities that I am eager to explore.” The hunger in his gaze made me want for him to do just that.

…

The woods became increasingly dense as Edward chose what seemed random and untraveled roads that became narrow and bumpier by the minute. I was actually clutching onto the “oh, sh*t” handle above my head as my butt quite literally would lift right out of the seat at times. I began to doubt the little Volvo would make it when we came to a small clearing.

I was grateful for the reprieve from the vehicle. I stumbled out and gave my whole body a much needed stretch.

“From here on, we will need to hike,” Edward announced, grabbing our bags from the back. Since I hadn’t known where we were going, Alice had prepared a bag for me. Honestly whenever she picked anything for me it was gorgeous so I didn’t mind. Based on how cold it was? I was wholly unprepared for the weather regardless. I was dreaming of a warm, fleece-lined coat and fuzzy socks and hoped Alice’s foresight accounted for that.

But as he shouldered on the bags, I gave another look around. We were quite literally in the middle of nowhere. Nowhere was gorgeous, but it was just that—nowhere.

“You aren’t joking are you,” I asked tepidly, with little hope.

How far could this hike be with nothing in sight? While I grew up spending most of my summers outdoors, I had kind of fallen out of an active lifestyle. Especially these last couple months where I did little but leave my bed most days before starting school here at Forks.

I narrowed my eyes at Edward fully planning on trying to mutiney depending on his answer. We all didn’t have the stamina of a vampire after all. “How far are we going?”

He shrugged. “Does it really matter?” He asked jingling his car keys before placing them in his pocket. “It’s not like you have anywhere else to go.”

He smiled at my frustrated glare. Well, he was right. What options did I have? After a quick sigh, I gestured around the clearing. Guess I’d be a trooper.

“Which way?”

He pointed into the woods and as my eyes tried to make anything out between tree branches, he said, “Oh, we just need to head in that direction for about 30 miles.”

I made a desperate lunge for the keys in his pocket. He didn’t bother to dodge but instead scooped me up in his arms and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

“I never planned on you walking, my dear,” he said around a chuckle. “You’re far too slow.”

Before I could respond, the world melted around me in a blur.

I didn’t normally get motion sick, but even the short run had me feeling queasy. I had to close my eyes, not because I wanted to, but that I had to. It was a subconscious reaction—I think my body just knew I’d be unable to register such rapid and extreme motion.

So it took me a few moments before Edward’s voice finally made its way through my muddled sense and I could make out what he was saying. It was almost like trying to hear someone while underwater—the words garbled and distorted.

“Are you alright, Izzy? Can you hear me?” His soft, soothing voice finally broke through.

I startled at his touch as his hand gently caressed my cheek. It wasn’t the cold, cool touch I was used to. How strange, I thought to myself as I blinked my eyes open and found his familiar golden eyes staring back with concern. In the biting cold, Edward didn’t feel any different than I did.

“I’m alright, I think—just a little light headed.”

I found my legs and made a shaky attempt to stand on my own. Edward steadied me, and kept an arm hooked around my waist, not wanting to take any chances.

“I’m sorry, I sometimes forget how human you are.”

“Yeah I should probably come with a warning or something. Maybe I’ll get a tattoo that says ‘fragile - handle with care’.”

Edward contemplated this longer than I had anticipated. It was a joke afterall.

With my nausea slowly ebbing away, my eyes naturally began to focus on my surroundings.

A small gasp made it past my lips, my breath puffing out in a small cloud in front of my face similar to how steam rolled off the small pools of water in front of me.

Edward grinned, unable to belie his excitement.

We were in a valley. Tall, skinny trees with snow dusted branches shot up from the ground around us, and mountains caged us in on either side. The picturesque scene was reflected in the still blue water, gathered in various pools lined with stone. Edward’s favorite place was not a meadow. It was a hot spring.

My mouth must have been hanging open because Edward closed it with a slight touch of his finger under my chin. He seemed amused and delighted all at the same time—very much satisfied with my reaction.

“It doesn’t even seem real,” I said, approaching one pool and dipping my hand into the water.

The sudden heat was burning on my cold fingers but I didn’t mind—I longed for the warmth even if it were to melt my flesh right off my bones.

“When can we get in?” I asked wistfully.

A quick look behind me at our bags and the neatly folded pile of clothes Edward had just been wearing answered my question. I felt like seeing anyone stark naked in this wintery landscape would have looked funny and out of place, but as usual, Edward always managed to make everything look both graceful and sexy.

I didn’t need any words of encouragement. I quickly began pulling off my clothes and yelped when my feet touched the frozen rocks beneath my feet. Edward’s soft chuckle was in my ear as he helped pull my sweater over my head.

Once completely naked there was definitely a moment of a strange self consciousness that came with exposing oneself out in the open like this. But I doubt Edward would take us anywhere other humans might happen upon us.

I let myself gradually lower into the steamy water. It felt much too hot to be safe. But I imagined that was simply my body adjusting to the rapid change in temperature and not anything life threatening. Edward’s body could probably withstand much higher temperatures, and he wouldn’t subject me to anything that wasn’t safe. I was briefly amused by the idea of this all being some big ploy to make me into a big human-sized bowl of soup. Campbells for vampires.

My ensuing laugh as I finally lowered myself all the way into the spring raised an amused eyebrow from Edward, but thankfully he didn’t ask me to clarify my source of amusem*nt.

It wasn’t long before my body adjusted to the temperature and I relished in the delicious, searing heat. I sighed in complete bliss. There were few things in life I felt like could top this experience.

“Thank you for taking me here, Edward. This place is magical.”

Something about Edward’s crooked grin was so sweet and earnest. He seemed so pleased with how happy I was to be here.

“I happened upon this place by chance,” Edward told me. “I often hike into the wilderness looking for new inspiration for my paintings. I’ve been coming here for the last 15 years or so now.”

He tucked a lock of my wet hair behind my ear and placed a warm kiss on my forehead. It still amazed me how his body always seemed to take in the temperature around him.

“I’ve always thought of this place as mine,” he continued. “I haven't even brought my family here—it’s my own private retreat. I never thought there would be someone I’d want to share this with.” He gazed down at me with awe, as if he was still amazed himself. “Your appearance in my life, Izzy, is the best surprise I could have ever hoped for.”

Amidst the water and the steam, I couldn’t tell for certain if I was blushing, but I’m sure I was. His words brought a goofy sort of smile to my lips. It was such a nice change, to have someone be so open with their thoughts and feelings. To be the thing in someone’s life they cherished most.

“You weren’t exactly part of the plan either,” I said, nudging him affectionately. “Dating a vampire definitely wasn’t at the top of my ‘How to Survive Forks Field Guide’.”

“Oh so there was a plan?” He teased, not seeming to quite believe me. “You could have fooled me.”

“Hastily thrown together and horribly executed—but yes there was a plan.”

He grinned wickedly, pulling me flush against his chest. “Well I’m glad we aren’t following that plan any more—“ he started, trailing smoldering kisses among the hollow of my neck. “—it would have been no fun.”

“I suppose not,” I murmured as his lips began to dip lower.

“I propose a new plan.”

“Hmmm?” Was the only coherent thing I was capable of responding with. My mind felt like mush, my body a swell of heat and longing. Edward’s pull was irresistible and unstoppable.

“It involves taking you back to my cabin.”

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Are we talking fireplace and patchwork quilts?”

“Down to the bear skin rug,” he said with a flash of his teeth. I had no doubt he killed that very bear himself.

“But what about the spring?” The thought of leaving the hot spring so soon left me reluctant. “We just got here.”

“Dearest, there will be plenty of opportunities to enjoy the springs while we are here.”

“I’m sold. Just put some pants on before streaking through the woods.” I said with a laugh as I crawled out of the spring. I know he probably didn’t need to wear anything, but the thought of him running around, willie out nearly sent me into a fit of laughter.

I winced as I felt the biting cold of the wind without the warm water to shield me. I hoped the trip back would be quick. Well, I considered, not too quick. Didn’t want to puke everywhere after all.

I quickly began tugging my clothes on not wanting to lose any time. Edward watched me with a small pout as I tugged my shirt over my breasts, obscuring them from his view.

“You know they will just be coming right off again.”

I barked out a laugh. “You whip me around soaked and butt naked in this weather and I’ll be a corpse by the time you get me to your cabin, mountain man.”

“I think we’d both benefit from me keeping all my bits and pieces, thank you.” I popped the hood of my jacket over my head, hoping I might capture that last bit of warmth. “All ten toes and all that jazz.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Aren’t we dramatic?” He muttered before scooping me in his arms.

“Don’t lose any of that spunk by the time I get you home—you’ll need it,” he said with a cheeky wink that made me both want to slap him and kiss him senseless at the same time. Not that the first would be very gratifying—probably just end up with a sprained wrist.

Before I could choose, the cold icy wind was stinging at my cheeks—faster than before. He was definitely in a hurry.

…

My toes stung with the heat coming from the fireplace, but I didn’t mind. I relished in the warmth that poured from the hearth. If I could, I’d curl up there right with the logs. There was no central heat and air here, in this little cabin in the woods. I snuggled deeper into Edward’s chest and his arms squeezed around me in response. We sat there on the floor wrapped in an abundance of quilts we could find around the house. Between the fire and my own body heat, I was quite content despite having lost my clothes somewhere between the front door and the living room sofa—just as Edward had foretold. Even Edward’s usually cold skin, seemed to absorb my warmth as it was his own as it did in the hot springs.

He hummed a melody that was quickly becoming familiar. I enjoyed listening to the crackle of the fire mixed with his sweet harmonic voice. My eyes had begun to grow heavy.

“If you do decide to get a tattoo,” he started. “Would you let me design it?”

I took his hand in mine and examined his hands, his long slender fingers. I traced lazy lines along his palm for no particular reason other than loving the feeling of my skin against his. I brought the back of his hand to my lips and pressed a long kiss to it.

“I would love that,” I said around a smile. “I’d be able to take a piece of you with me wherever I go.”

His face lit up at my words and he buried his face against my neck.

“I will try to make something worthy of your beautiful spirit.”

I tangled my hands in his soft hair and sank deeper into his embrace. I never wanted this moment to end. I never wanted to leave this place. It felt like my fairytale ending, if I was allowed to have one—here sharing Edward’s favorite place with him, tucked into the woods, with someone that made me feel loved, wanted, and cherished.

I think in any of my lifetimes it was the first time I felt at peace. Once we left here I knew I’d have to face reality again—and I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready for the hardships or choices I’d have to make.

“Thank you for sharing this place with me Edward. It truly is special. I don’t know how you ever manage to leave.”

He breathed my scent in deeply, and sighed contently. “You,” he stressed, “are what I have a hard time managing to leave. I have discovered there is little happiness to be found when you are not a part of it.”

“I want to share everything with you, Izzy. If I can’t, then I want nothing to do with it.”

I laughed lightly, his words bringing heat to my cheeks. “You should save some of this for your wedding vows. I’m sure at some point you're going to run out of romantic things to say.”

He looked down at me suddenly, his warm golden eyes swirling with a mixture of curious longing.

“You would marry me?” He asked.

The intensity of his gaze made my mouth dry. A touch of panic flitted through my brain as I wondered if I overstepped, maybe presumed too much. Was it too fast to feel so deeply about someone? Yes. In my past life, would I have admonished my own friends or family if they had a whirl-wind romance that resulted in a proclamation of love after such a short time? Most definitely. But this was a new me. I wasn’t sure how much time I had left or where this path would take me, but I was certain of one thing–I wanted Edward to be there with me wherever it led.

“Marriage is a promise of forever,” I started timidly, suddenly feeling self conscious. “I don't know if my forever will be as long as yours, but I’d gladly spend the rest of my life with you—however long that may be.”

Something in Edward’s expression startled me. I reached up and rested my hand along Edward’s cheek when his jaw trembled. He leaned into my touch. I didn’t think a vampire could cry, but my words seemed to evoke the closest thing they were capable of.

“Even an eternity wouldn’t give me enough time to prove the depth of my love,” he said softly in a shaky voice, “I am undeserving of you, Izzy—I will never be worthy. But I am selfish, and if you’d have me, it would be a privilege to love you for the rest of my days.”

Unlike Edward, I wasn’t able to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. I nodded mutely.

“So forever?” I asked.

“Forever.” He assured me.

…

I woke up the next morning amongst a mound of blankets and pillows. Maybe in a previous life I was a bird. The thought amused me as a wriggled out of the nest of fabric. True to his word, there was a bearskin rug in the cabin. It became the base of my sleepy nest last night. I patted the bears head, whom I’ve fondly named Mr. Darcy due to his stern expression.

The fire still crackled warmly, a fresh pile of fire wood beside the hearth. I snagged a quilt that still held a bit of my body heat within its folds and draped it around my shoulders so I wouldn’t feel the chill as I ventured from the fire.

The cabin wasn’t very large, so it didn’t take me long to spot Edward. The sizzle of oil on a pan was unmistakable. I trudged into the kitchen, sleep still heavy in my limbs. I bumped into his back, and brought my arms and the quilt around him in a big hug.

I felt his chuckle as he continued cooking whatever he had on the stove.

“Up already?”

I sighed deeply, breathing in the familiar scent of pancakes. “I suppose I had to get up eventually,” I said around a yawn.

“How early is it?”

Edward turned so he could kiss my forehead. His smile was bright and touched all the way up to his eyes that seemed to glimmer.

“2pm, my dear. Quite the early morning indeed. If it wasn’t for your snoring I might have thought you dead.”

I pushed off Edward with idignant irritation. “I do not snore,” I insisted admently.

Edward grinned and shrugged, turning back to the stove. “Only sometimes.”

“But you needed it,” he said assessing me with a careful eye. “I think this is the first time you’ve actually gotten any meaningful sleep in weeks.”

He was right though. While still a little groggy, I actually felt well rested.

“I guess I did just need a little time away.” I wrapped my quilt closer around me. The trip had definitely distracted me. But the thought of returning home made me feel a bit uneasy.

I peaked over at the stack of pancakes that rested on a plate next to his work station. It was about 6 high and he was still flipping.

“Are those all for me?”

He swatted my hand away as I attempted to swipe one off the top.

“Yes,” he admonished in a stern but playful tone. “But they aren’t done yet.”

I rolled my eyes and shuffled back so I wouldn't get in his way. I poked around the cabin quickly taking note of the two rooms in the cabin. One an art studio full of wonderful paintings and art supplies, and then an office which had a lot more order to it. It boasted a sizable desk and floor to ceiling bookshelves. Once I was done being being nosy, I sat at a small wooden table off the kitchen that abutted a large cut window and gave you a view of the valley. A small dusting of fresh snow was still settling on the deck out front.

I pulled my feet up on the chair and rested my chin on my knees, still using the quilt for warmth. I watched the landscape and noticed a few specks of movement in the distance and absently wondered what creatures also called this place their home.

It was beautiful. It was breathtaking. But I couldn’t help but feel without someone to share it with, it would feel a bit lonely. I think being here on my own wouldn’t be the same as being here with Edward. I glanced back at him as he poured more batter in the pan, my eyes appreciating for a moment how fantastic he looked in sweatpants and a long sleeve tee.

Edward always told me he loved being with me, which I believe because he never leaves my side unless I make him. But he was on his own for so long. Was it by choice or has he been lonely this whole time?

Edward came over with a tower of pancakes and sat them before me. Instead of pouring maple syrup on top, he drizzled honey and sprinkled cinnamon and chopped pecans. Honestly my mouth was watering. It was a delectable looking ensemble, and I could see Edward’s smug face as I took it all in.

To top it all off as he took a seat beside me, Edward placed a hot cup of coffee on the table in a stoneware mug.

“And it’s not Folgers,” he said with a grin.

“Keep spoiling me like this, Cullen, and you’ll regret it,” I laughed, grabbing my fork and knife and began cutting into the pancakes with gusto.

“I’d never regret putting a smile on your face.”

As not to stare at me as I ate, because based on the amount of pancakes he made me, it would take me a while to get through all this, he slid a leather bound book from across the table and unraveled the pen that was tied to its side and began to scribble away on one of the thick, textured pages.

“These pancakes are heavenly,” I said around a mouthful of decadent sugar and flour. “How often can I eat these without becoming a balloon?”

Edward rolled his eyes as he continued to sketch away in his book. “I will make them for you whenever you want, Izzy.”

I shrugged, taking another large bite, not entirely caring enough about the calories at the moment to keep me from enjoying every morsel. “You’ll be singing another tune when you have to roll me from place to place.”

Edward laughed as though I were missing something obvious but didn’t look up from his book. “I would adore you no matter what you looked like. There could never be a version of you I wasn’t wholly and completely in love with.”

I eyed him skeptically, as I took another slow bite. “Uh huh.”

Edward paused momentarily to give me a sidelong look. “As far as I’m concerned, the more of you there is to love the better. So eat up.”

I nearly choked on my my next bite. “Is this your way of telling me your into big girls?”

He shook his head and barked out a quick laugh, his brows creasing with a bit of frustration that I wasn’t understanding. “You’re my type, Izzy. It doesn’t matter how you change, I will always be in love with you.”

I smiled back at him warmly. “Good to know.”

I scooted my chair and plate closer to him until our shoulders touched. I planted a sticky kiss to his cheek, remnants of honey on my lips. He chuckled before kissing me back with a long, slow kiss of his own.

“You taste terrible,” he mumbled before kissing me again.

I laughed around his lips. “Then stop,” I challenged.

He looked into my eyes as he deepened his next kiss, his tongue licking the honey from my bottom lip. “Never.”

…

Breakfast took a bit longer than expected with a quick detour back to the sofa. But now I was fully dressed, overstuffed, and high on feel-good endorphins. We sat on the deck, and I dangled my feet off the side between the posts of the railing as we looked out over the valley. You could make out the plumes of steam from the hot springs—I couldn’t wait to go back! Edward recommended going out at night so we could see the stars. They were supposed to be brilliant out here, not encumbered by all the city lights.

Our hands were intertwined, and despite wearing gloves, I could feel the chill of Edward’s fingers. I glanced over at him. Again, wondering about his life before me.

“Can I ask you something about your past?”

His eyes met mine with mild amusem*nt. “Only if I can ask you something in return.”

I smiled thinking back to that first day in biology. “Fair is fair,” I replied and then turned to look out over the mountains again.

A silence settled between us, but Edward was patient and waited as I collected my thoughts.

“Were you happy?” I finally asked, turning to look up at him. “After you became a vampire. Before you met me. Were you happy?”

Edward held my gaze, his eyes soft. “Hmmm,” he started, searching my own eyes for thoughts he could not read as he considered his response. “I would like to give you a simple answer but I fear it’s more complicated than that.”

He tossled his hair with his free hand and took in a deep breath—something in his expression making him look very old in that moment.

“At first, no,” he admitted. “Becoming a vampire is not a pleasant experience and living the way we do, is difficult and against our very nature. Not to mention the moral implications of becoming what we are.”

“My first couple decades were writhe with anger, hopelessness, and self-hatred. I am not proud of who I was back then. I made some horrible decisions—there are many things I regret…” he looked away from me as though I might be able to see whatever it was that plagued him. “I can’t even imagine going through that on my own. I always had Carlisle and Esme to give me love and support even when I didn’t want it.”

He gave a bitter smile. “As unexpected as it sounds, Rosalie and I were a lot closer back then. Our shared hatred for this life brought us together as siblings.”

“What changed?” I asked surprised the two had ever been on friendly terms. They always seemed so terse with each other.

“I had enough. I was tired of living an existence I hated, and I knew nothing would change if I didn’t make those changes myself.”

“And it was hard,” he said with a laugh. “Probably one of the most difficult things I’ve done. It’s so easy to let the darkness swallow you whole. But I started focusing on the things I didn’t hate. Then I discovered things I actually liked. And before I knew it, my days were passing by more easily. I was finding fulfillment. I became happy.”

“Jasper was a huge help,” he added, a broad smile on his face. “I was hesitant when he first joined our coven, he lived such a different life than we all had. I wasn’t sure at first if he’d be able to make the change. But like me, he realized he was the only one standing in his way of happiness, and Jasper was determined to make a positive change in this second life we were given.”

“I think the world of Carlisle,” he continued. “And I admire his strength, resolve, and his overwhelming compassion. But it is hard to live up to his example. I found Jasper's struggle and triumphs easier to relate to. We became fast friends, and closer brothers. We hold each other accountable and are there for one another when dark times inevitably come.”

“So while it took me a long time, I would say yes, I was happy before I met you — even if it paled in comparison to the happiness I have now. I didn’t even think this was possible.” He leaned over, placing a strong kiss to my temple.

His words offered me a little bit of hope for my next question. “So, you do have a reason then, to continue on if something were to happen to me.”

Edward’s eyes flashed as they narrowed. “What do you mean?”

We both knew what I meant and it irritated me that he wanted me to say it out loud. Because I didn’t want to—speaking my fears out loud always felt too ominous. Like I was putting it into existence. “I want to know if you have something to live for if I die. That you’re not just going to go off and kill your self.”

Once I had revealed everything, Edward and I had spent many a night deep in conversation, discussing things that might happen, what that means for us, and even arguing over things he refused to believe would ever happen. It was such a relief to be able to share that all with someone.

It took the better part of an hour for him to stop laughing when I told him that in another timeline Jake fell in love with me. He thought the idea of it was hysterical.

“Book Club Jake?” He asked and then burst out laughing again.

Things like the potential existence of Renesme had given him certain clarity to our sex life. “That’s why…” he had murmured when I told him about the potential half-vampire child we could have. Since our relationship had turned more physical, I had a strict pull-out policy.

I even revealed to him about Twilight, and how where I was originally from, his life was detailed in a book. That took more time to sink in.

“I don’t think you realize how excited Carlisle would be if he thought alternate universes really existed,” he said deep in thought. “I wonder if any other books we have and take for fiction really detail the lives of real people. How fascinating.”

He took most things in stride. But one of the things Edward had a hard time accepting was leaving me like Edward had in New Moon, the second book in the series. He refused to believe he could do it, and was adamant that even if he tried, he would fail miserably, probably sulk around and keep an eye on me for a day or so, and then inevitably give up and beg for my forgiveness.

But he never disagreed with his Volturi suicide plan. That wasn’t something he stopped me in the middle of explaining to refute. So I’ve been wondering, in light of everything that has happened and knowing with the story off course, I wasn’t sure what dangers await us—what would happen to Edward if I died?

Edward tilted my chin up and looked into my eyes with a hardened resolve as he said, “I will never let anyone hurt you, Izzy.”

I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, unable to hide my emotions from him. “But sometimes things happen that you can’t prepare for—sometimes things are out of your control.”

I was careful to keep my breathing even, I needed to get my point across. “As far as we both know, this body is human. Anything can kill me, if it’s not James then it could be a thousand other things, Edward.”

I chewed my lip as I stared into his golden eyes tinged with unspeakable sadness at the prospect of a world without me in it. “You can’t protect me forever—eventually, I will die. And we have no way of knowing what will happen after that.”

“I want to know…” I said. “I need to know that you are going to be okay when I leave. That you’ll find that happiness you had before me and continue living.”

I felt the hot tears begin to spill on my cheeks. “I don’t want to be your end, Edward. I want to be your favorite chapter in your life, but I don’t want to be your ending. You have so much more you can do, so much your can give, so many people that love you—I just need to know, Edward. What happens when I die?”

There was a crease in his brow of his angelic face as he warred with himself. I could tell he just wanted to reassure me—tell me not to worry, that he won’t let me die. But even he knows he can’t save me from time. Even if nothing else ends my life prematurely, old age will inevitably come to claim me.

“I don’t want to go back to how things were without you, Izzy. I found a semblance of happiness, but it’s not this,” he said, caressing my face softly in his hand. He used his thumb to wipe away my tears but they just kept coming. “If we compare the two, I was simply getting by, filling my life with things that made existing bearable. I didn’t know it then, Izzy, but I know now I’ve been waiting my whole life for you.”

“You fear this other Bella’s future, but it is not yours. We are different, you’ve proven as much, and we will pave our own way.” Edward pulled me into his chest, wrapping me in his arms. “And my Izzy, she’s so much more than a character in a book—you are brilliant, you are brave, and you are so full of love and life. You traveled both worlds and time to find me—I don’t think that is by chance. We are meant to be with each other, not because it was written in some book, but because nothing can come between our love for eachother.”

“Izzy, you are worried about the wrong thing. If you were to die,” he squeezed me tighter as if the words might rip me from his arms in that instance. “When you die, it's not a question of what will happen to me, but how long you are going to make me wait until you find me again.”

I laughed through a sob that escaped my chest. I held onto Edward with all my strength. I wanted to believe him, in his assurance that we would always find our way back together. He had so much faith in us—that we would make it through whatever came our way. That we would really have a forever. I wanted that. I desperately wanted that. I needed it—with every fiber of my being.

“I love you, Edward,” I cried. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Izzy. I’ll wait forever if you make me,” he chuckled as he tried to kiss my tears away. “But don’t make me wait that long, Dear. I’ll miss you too much.”

…

“Ok,” I announced as I teetered on a fallen log attempting to keep my footing. “I’m setting a new goal for this year.”

Edward followed beside me at my human pace. He seemed slightly nervous about my precarious balancing act. Every now and then I’d catch his arm jut out to steady me but I always recentered on my own, albeit not in the most flattering of ways.

“Aren’t you supposed to have made new year resolutions and broken them by now?”

“Yes, but I was a different me then. This me, needs new goals that are more applicable to my life now.” I jumped off the log as I reached the end, my boots making a satisfying crunch into the snow.

Edward slipped his hand into mine. “And what is this resolution you are suddenly so passionate about?” His eyes twinkled with amusem*nt. “Should I be afraid?”

I laughed. “No, not yet anyways. But you should be my accountability partner—make sure I keep to it. Otherwise it’s pointless.”

“Depends on what it is, I suppose.”

I reached out and let my finger tips smack the tree branches above so it rained the white powder on our heads as we passed. I wasn’t sure how long we’d been walking. There weren’t any trails out here so we’d just been walking wherever we pleased.

“For the rest of this year, I want to cry less.” I said boldly.

Edward’s mouth quirked in a smile.

“What?” I asked pointedly, tilting my nose up. “Don’t think I can do it?”

“Crying is good for you Izzy. It’s not good to hold things in.”

“Yes, but I cry ALL the time. It’s exhausting.”

He turned to me with a small pout on his lips. “But normally you're crying because of me. Does this mean you're tired of me already?”

I shoved him playfully. “You know that’s not the case. I guess—” I stopped to ponder for a moment. “I guess I just want to be stronger, you know?”

He set his honeyed eyes on me.

“You’re stronger than anyone I know Izzy. Not many will know what you’ve been through and how you’ve overcome it. I don’t think you should feel ashamed of your tears. You’ve earned them.”

I laughed. “I suppose that’s one way to look at it.” I said, dragging him along.

“What are those out there?” I asked, pointing to the small dots moving in the distance. I had seen them before but they never got close enough to quite make out what they were.

“Sheep. Rocky Mountain Big Horns,” he informed me. “Want to see them up close? They will bolt as soon as they sense me though.”

“Are you going to be able to hold back your predator instincts in front of me or will you go feral?”

Edward rolled his eyes. “I haven’t eaten Gumby yet have I?”

I gasped. “You couldn’t—he’s family!”

Edward picked me up and slung me across his back. Before I knew it I was piggyback style, my arms clasped around his neck so I wouldn’t fall back.

“Trust me, Izzy. I have no desire to eat those creatures.” His nose wrinkled with disgust as he gazed at them from across the way. “It’s as if someone put a stale loaf of bread in front of you. You have no desire to eat it unless you were starving.”

The world blurred slightly. I was aware of the force of movement and the wind against my cheeks. And then we’re there, in the midst of the herd. In the same moment it took me to adjust to our new surroundings the sheep began to bolt, in a frantic, mad dash—some colliding into eachother with thier big curled horns. I couldn’t help but laugh as they all fled from us.

“Poor things,” I chuckled, sliding off Edward’s back. “They don’t seem to know you think they are a bunch of stale loaves of bread.”

In the confusion, one of the rams actually got turned around and started charging us. I took a slight step back but Edward simply stayed in its path.

“Edward?” I asked, uncertainly ducking behind him.

Instead of moving out of the way, he let the creature hit him square in his stomach with a loud crack that echoed in the valley. Edward didn’t budge but the unfortunate ram stumbled away in a daze.

“Were you worried I would get hurt?” He asked with a sly smile, brushing off his sweater.

“I’m more worried for the wildlife. The lot of you are menaces apparently.” Funny how quickly I forget that he’s indestructible. Not sure if I can reprogram my brain in that sense—danger means run. Not “let’s stand in the face of it”.

He pointed after the ram that had regained his usual gait as he ran off after the others. “He’s fine,” Edward assured me.

“I’ve been wondering,” I started, looking after the sheep as the disappeared.

He gave me a look that said “uh, oh” as if he could predict I was about to say something strange.

“If animal blood is so gross, why not find less murderous ways to consume human blood? Carlisle’s a doctor, I’m sure he could get his hands on some bags.”

He looked me over once as if to make sure I was alright. “You would prefer it if we fed on human blood?”

I shrugged. “It’s not like I’m telling you to go kill people. But you know, just wondering what options you have available to you.”

He let his hand rest on my throat, his thumb skimming across my pulse. “Not that it’s not a tempting solution,” he said. “But it would be much harder to live our current lifestyle if we actively drank human blood. It’s the difference between putting a sober man and an alcoholic in a room full of liquor—both are at risk for indulging, but one is going to have a much harder time resisting. Our diet is a sacrifice we make to live the lives we want. We bemoan it at times but none of us prefer the alternative.”

“Hmmm,” he hummed, taking in my face. “Are you volunteering your blood? I might not be able to say no to that. You smell so delectable.”

I squinted my eyes back at him. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, a crooked grin upon his face.

There was a brief silence where we both stared at each other, and then we both started laughing uncontrollably.

I didn’t know how long I’d have in this life, but I hoped I’d be able to have many more chances to laugh so easily surrounded by the people I loved.